She had given her existence form through words, her gaze and her voice, her impassioned determination; vibrations of life that shook my soul.
“Well then,” she said, “I got a little carried away there. What am I, an honoree giving a speech at an awards show?”
“No,” I said flatly. “You’re a patient in a hospital.”
She puffed out her cheeks at me. This wasn’t the right timing for a joke like that, but I hoped she’d forgive me.
I stayed quiet for a moment, then she said, “[???]-kun?”
Listening to her speech, I had discovered a genuine feeling building up inside my deepest depths. Once I recognized the feeling, I could see it had been right under my nose and nearly all encompassing, and yet—due to my cowardice—I had failed to notice it before.
And there it was, the answer I had been seeking for the past several days—no, that I had been seeking the whole time.
You…
I tried to suppress the thought as hard as I could.
“You really…”
“Oh, he speaks. Go on, [???]-kun.”
“You really teach me so many different things.”
“Whoa,” she said. “Where’d that come from? You’re making me blush.”
“I mean it,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Are you sure you don’t have a fever?”
She placed her palm on my forehead. My temperature was, of course, normal, and she tilted her head in confusion. Was she joking, or did she really think I might have had a fever? The thought was so silly, I laughed. She looked at me laughing, then put her palm to my head again. I laughed again. We repeated this for a while.
I was having so much fun because I was with her.
Once she finally accepted I didn’t have a fever, I suggested that we share some sliced pineapple I’d brought for her by special request. She was delighted to see that I had.
We were eating the delicious pineapple when she sighed and said, “I’ve got no luck.”
“Because of the truth or dare thing? Okay, how about this—if you ask me a question I can answer, I’ll answer it for you. Forget the game.”
“No, that was the result.”
She left no room for arguing the matter. I still didn’t have the slightest clue what she wanted to ask me.
After we finished our snack and I got her caught up with our summer school lessons, she showed off another magic trick. Not much time had passed since her last performance, so the illusion was a simple one involving props from a magic kit. Still, I was no expert, and I was impressed all the same. Feeling keenly aware of my previously unknown feelings, my eyes never left her throughout my class or her performance.
Afterward I said, “It’s time for me to go. I need to get some lunch, anyway.”
Wiggling her shoulders like a little kid, she protested, “What? You’re leaving already?”
Maybe she hated being alone and bored in her hospital room even more than I’d thought.
I said, “Your lunch will be coming soon, won’t it? And I wouldn’t want Kyōko-san to show up and have me for hers.”
“You think she’d eat your pancreas?”
“Possibly.”
Imagining myself as a carnivore’s dinner, I stood, and she shouted after me, “Wait!”
“Wait,” she repeated. “Just do me one more favor.”
She beckoned me closer. I approached without the slightest bit of wariness, and without showing any maliciousness, hesitation, hidden motive, scheming, remorse, or responsibility, she half rose in her bed, leaned forward, and stretched her arms around me.
Her embrace came with so little warning that I didn’t have time to be surprised. Instead, I stayed calmer than I would have believed possible. I rested my chin on her shoulder. She smelled sweet.
“So…” I said.
“This isn’t like last time. I’m not playing a prank.”
Another moment passed. “Then what is it?”
“You know, lately, I’ve just got this strange thing for wanting to feel other people’s warmth.”
Something in how she said that seemed to confirm my suspicions. I said, “Listen, there’s something that’s been bothering me.”
“My bra size? ’Cause you can feel me against you, huh?”
“Dummy.”
She laughed.
I said, “You’ve been acting strange. What’s going on?”
Holding our embrace—well, with her embracing me at least—I awaited her answer. This time, I didn’t feel like she was making a fool of me. I thought that if she wanted to use my body warmth, she could have it all she wanted.
Slowly, she shook her head two times.
“Nothing,” she said. “Nothing at all.”
Of course I didn’t believe her. But I didn’t have the courage to make her say anything she didn’t want to.
She said, “I just want to enjoy the reality and normalcy you give to me.”
“Oh,” I said. Even if I had possessed some sort of misguided courage, whatever she was thinking wasn’t mine to know in this moment.
She remained quiet, and after a time, I heard a wild beast growling behind my back.
Just when I thought our timing could never get worse.
“Sakura, how are—” the beast said. The growl became a roar. “It’s you! Again?”
I freed myself from the girl’s embrace and looked to the door, where her best friend was glaring at me with the face of a devil. I suspected I was making quite the face myself. As the friend advanced, I tried to take a step back, but the bed blocked my escape.
The friend was reaching to grab me by my collar, and I thought all hope was lost when I was rescued at the last moment. The girl quickly slid off her bed and hugged her friend tightly.
“Kyōko, calm down!” she said.
I said, “Okay, well, see you later,” and made my escape out through her hospital room door. Was I going to have to run away every time I visited? As I scurried down the hall, I heard the friend shouting my name, but I smoothly ignored it, and thus ended my third visit. I wasn’t sure, but I thought the girl’s sweet scent lingered on my body.
On Sunday, the following night, I learned something that might have been what she was hiding from me. I’d say I saw this was coming, but I hadn’t ever settled on any one theory in particular.
She told me by text.
Her hospitalization had been extended by two weeks.