Huh, is that right? I floundered. Speaking from a guy’s perspective, I couldn’t care less if my girlfriend despised my group of pals. In fact, I had no interest in who my buddies were dating. Was I the only one who felt that way?
“There’s no need to act too distant,” Shigure explained. “Just treat me like a friend you’d say ‘hi’ to at the mall.”
“O-Okay, sorry. You’re a lifesaver.”
The more intricate our lie became, the easier it would be to see through. I nodded to show Shigure I appreciated the backup. However, Haruka tilted her head in response, seeming unconvinced.
“Really?” she asked. “I would have thought that you two were good friends.”
“Wh-What?” I stammered. “Wh-Why would you think that?”
“I mean, you call Shigure by her first name. Since it took you such a long time before you started calling me ‘Haruka,’ I figured you two must be on good terms.”
I immediately received another direct kick to the shin.
“You really are useless,” Shigure chided. “This is why I didn’t want to have lunch together.”
“My sincerest apologies.”
I had no room to defend myself. This had, without a shadow of a doubt, been my mistake. I made a conscious effort to call her “Shigure” at home, and I’d ended up unconsciously dragging that habit to school with me.
Damn. It took me two weeks to call Haruka by her first name. I’m in deep shit right now. How am I supposed to get out of this one...?
“My family name is Satou now—the same as Hiromichi,” Shigure explained. “That made calling each other by our last names weird, so we decided to address each other by our first names. It’s not because we’re particularly close or anything.”
“Oh, I see,” Haruka said. “Since I only call you Shigure, I’d forgotten, but most people would address you as ‘Satou’ now.”
Shigure, you’re an angel! A devious, lying angel! And it’s thanks to that that we’re going to make it out of here in one piece!
I really could count on Shigure—the shimmering halo floating above her head told me as much. I had no doubts now that we could get through this.
“Still,” Haruka spoke up. “I’d like it if you two could get closer.”
Haruka seemed discontent at our shallow relationship, which threw me for a loop. She wanted someone—identical to her, mind you—to get along with her boyfriend? Wasn’t that just asking for trouble?
“Why’s that?” Shigure asked, somewhat surprised.
“You’ve always been pretty shy ever since we were kids,” Haruka explained.
“Huh? You’re talking about me?”
“Yeah. From what I’ve seen, Shigure isn’t the least bit shy,” I chimed in.
“But she is,” Haruka insisted. “Sure, she appears sociable with everyone at a glance, but she doesn’t let others in, and she won’t join groups without an invitation. That’s called being shy, right?”
Yeah, now that she mentions it...
Shigure wasn’t exactly rude or anything, but when it came to social interactions, she only did the bare minimum. Beyond that, I couldn’t recall her actively involving herself with others. Yeah, perhaps that could be defined as “shyness.”
“Since we’re already juniors, I was a little worried that you’d end up left out when you enrolled here,” Haruka continued. “But everything will be just fine if you’re already friends with Hiromichi—after all, he’s someone you can always count on!”
“Bahaha!” Shigure and I erupted into laughter simultaneously.
I mean, me? Reliable? Where the hell did Haruka get that from?! I was the last person anyone could ever “count on.”
“Oh, Big Bro. You’ve sure done a great job of pulling the wool over her eyes,” Shigure giggled.
“I understand wanting to laugh, but please don’t make a big deal about this. We don’t want Haruka to suspect anything, right?”
“Oh, of course. That just took me by surprise is all. I’ll just smile and nod.”
Shigure took a deep breath and drained her miso soup. Her expression—which had begun to warp into the dreaded malicious grin she wore at home—immediately returned to the Stepford smile she wore at school.
“Phew,” she sighed. “You’re right. When I first transferred here, he showed a lot of concern for me—both as his desk neighbor and as your little sister. He’s definitely someone I can, uh, always, er... count on?”
Man, she sucks ass at giving compliments.
“See, Hiromichi?” Haruka exclaimed. “I’d be the happiest girl in the world if you two could stay friends.”
“Of course,” I replied. “That goes without saying.”
After all, I was already Shigure’s older brother.
Haruka beamed at me, but her expression soon changed to one of unease. “Oh, but... that might make me a little nervous,” she said.
“Nervous?” I asked. “Why?”
“I mean, if Shigure finds out how cool and kind you are, she might fall for you, too.”
“Hack! Wheeze!”
Agh! The cutlets! The fried breading is totally slicing up my throat! But man, talk about embarrassing! Haruka can be surprisingly sappy when she wants to be! I mean, I am on cloud nine right now. I feel like the luckiest guy alive when I hear her speak of me so fondly. Still, can we leave that for when we’re not in front of other people?! I’m positive this little demo—I mean, Shigure—won’t be able to keep her mouth shut after all that. Right now, her face is probably—
“O-Oooooh, I see,” Shigure stuttered as she desperately tried to contain her laughter. “That would certainly be, um, quite the, erm... problem?”
She’s shaking like crazy! The muscles in her cheeks are clearly twitching! Haruka, you seriously need to stop talking before this girl explodes with laughter!
“N-No, that would never happen!” I squealed. “After all, I’m not really that great or anything! You’re just biased when it comes to me, that’s all!”
“That’s not true at all,” Haruka countered. “You’re a total gentleman, Hiromichi. That’s why I fell for you.”
“N-No way. Before you confessed your feelings to me, girls never even looked at me.”
“That’s only because they have no taste in men. I won’t bring up our time together at daycare since it was so long ago, but take last year’s cultural festival for example. We weren’t even in the same class, or anything, but you offered to help. I’d been lugging around a huge garbage bag during cleanup, and you stepped in and took it off my hands. ‘No need to strain yourself,’ you’d said. ‘This is a man's job.’ When I tried to say thanks, you’d already had your back turned to me and gave me a small wave. Talk about incredibly cool and gentlemanly!”
Ho. Lee. Shit. Holy shit! Thanks for calling me ‘gentlemanly,’ ‘cause that just makes me sound cringe as hell! If I heard that story from anyone else, I’d want to hide under a rock for the next millenia. Why was I trying so hard to act cool?! Could I be any more pathetic? Speaking of which, that girl was Haruka? I had no idea! I was so embarrassed that I’d just spouted all that crap with my back to her the entire time!
“There was also our first date,” Haruka continued.
“You’re still going?!” I cried. “Hold on! Haruka, please stop this! I’m begging you!”
My cute, merciless girlfriend ignored my pleas. “Hiromichi, you said you’re ‘not that great.’ As your girlfriend, I can’t let you talk about yourself that way. So I want you to remember our first date. You walked on the outside of the curb the entire day. When we sat on the benches, you laid out a handkerchief, and when we got tea, you paid for the bill while I was in the restroom. It was so much fun being treated like a princess for the entire day. That was when it occurred to me—when people talk about ‘gentlemen,’ they must be referring to guys like you, Hiromichi.”
For the love of God, somebody please bring an end to this! I was so excited about my first date that I was freaking out about what to do, and I ended up Gaggling “perfect first date manners.” Don’t expose me like this! I had no other choice! A clueless virgin like me has no choice but to rely on the sage advice he reads online! You’re such an airhead that you figured I must be a good guy, but a bully like Shigure will see through the whole thing! She’s gonna spit out her drink any second now! I’m sure of it!
I observed Shigure nervously. Even I found this story laughable. To my great surprise, however, not even the slightest hint of a smile had appeared on her usually lax face. Where had all that malice gone?
“You really do like Hiromichi, don’t you?” Shigure asked.
“Of course,” Haruka confirmed instantly. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have professed my feelings to him. So although I’d like you to be friends with Hiromichi, don’t end up falling for him.”
“And if I did, what would you do?” Shigure asked.
“Huh?”
“If I fell for Hiromichi, would you step aside for your adorable little sister?”
H-Hey, what is this girl saying?!
What was the point of asking Haruka something that would never happen? I couldn’t grasp what Shigure was thinking. However, as soon as I opened my mouth to ask for clarification, Haruka spoke up.
“No. I would never step aside. And I would never forgive you for that.”
Her tone was so scathing that the words never ended up leaving my mouth. Haruka was glaring at her sister with intense hostility.
Wh-What’s with this sudden tense atmosphere? How did my saga of epic fails turn into this?!
Shigure, unable to bear the painful silence any longer, let out a small laugh. “Aha. You know what they say—laughter is the best medicine. Thanks, Haruka.”
“What?” Haruka asked.
“I’m completely cured. If he can inspire you to look this frightening, there must be more to Hiromichi than meets the eye.”
Shigure’s trademark devilish grin crept onto her face. This side was the side of her I knew all too well.