After personally apologizing to the librarian, I headed down to the first floor. Mickey and Kyou-kun were nowhere to be seen. But just then, the automatic doors slid open, and a familiar face walked in. It was Zuka-kun.
I rushed over to him, and he noticed me immediately. “Nice to see you,” he told me with a charming smile.
I wasn’t sure if he knew anything about Mickey or Kyou-kun, but either way, his perpetually unchanging attitude made me kind of exasperated.
Dear Kyou-kun,
First, I’d like to write about what happened today at noon—about the feelings I can’t tell anyone about. In ten years’ time, I’ll let you read this, and when you realize how much suffering you’ve all put me through, I’m going to bully you mercilessly.
Let’s start with your beloved Mickey, that clueless Godzilla. Yes, she’s an idiot. Really. I would have said it to her face, but I didn’t get the opportunity due to…you know…everything else that happened.
And while I’m at it, allow me to be crystal clear: you’re an idiot, too. The only reason things went to hell today is because your idiocy and hers were in perfect sync. After we’ve all grown up, I expect you to make it up to me and Mickey by taking us out for barbecue.
Now, I’ll write about YOUR idiocy. Kyou-kun, you underestimate things WAY too much. Lest you forget, your stupid secret forced me to have to apologize to everyone in the whole library. You really think Mickey would figure out how you feel about her? You completely underestimate how dense she is. She’s NOT sharp enough to notice that sort of thing. In fact, she’s TERMINALLY dense, given the assumptions under which she’s operating. Ten years from now, you’ll need to have a better grasp of that if you want to avoid any more incidents like today’s.
But that’s not the only thing you underestimate. This next part is important, so please read carefully: Kyou-kun, you undervalue yourself. Trust me, I get it—whenever you interact with other people, you can’t help but think of yourself as a loser. I know what it’s like because I’m the same way. But to me, it feels like you don’t think anyone would notice if you were gone. That’s the difference between you and me: I constantly worry about making people hate me, whereas you’re convinced no one cares about you at all. This is an important distinction.
To be clear, I don’t have any self-esteem myself. But after making friends with you and Mickey and Looney and Zuka-kun, I’ve slowly, SLOWLY started to feel like maybe I belong. Hopefully ten years from now I’ll have a lot more self-confidence. Likewise, I hope it happens for you as well, because this, too, will help you avoid any more incidents.
After today, I had an epiphany: Just like we each have our own personalities and interests and viewpoints, so too do we have our own secret roles to play. And I’ve started thinking that maybe our roles all complement each other. I still don’t really understand what I bring to the table, but since you all seem to enjoy having me around, I’ve decided to believe that there must be something I can offer.
Going forward, I’d really like to repay you all for everything you’ve done for me. But I feel like “What do I offer to other people?” and “Who am I as a person?” are kind of the same question. Anyway, I did apologize to the entire library for you, so that’s something.
Of course, you have a lot to offer me in return. You’re the easiest person to talk to out of all my friends. Maybe that sounds like a minor thing, but in my case, I’ve always had a hard time talking to people, so it means a lot. Everybody’s always teasing you, aren’t they? Maybe you’re so easy to talk to because we know you’ll listen. It’s a tiny gesture from a big heart. And you’re an idiot for not seeing it (among other reasons). But that’s exactly why the rest of us have no choice but to support your crush on an even BIGGER idiot.
What happened today at the library really frightened me. I was terrified that the two of you would permanently change everything between the rest of us.
It’s been ten years now—do you still remember what Mickey said after the misunderstanding was cleared up? She thought the reason you didn’t want us to exchange letters was because you didn’t want ME to see it. Why? Because you were looking at me at the time, and also, because you’re always so calm and relaxed around me. She thought that you and I were in love, and she didn’t want to get in the way, so she was preparing to officially get over you and focus on college entrance exams. She said to me, and I quote, “But then he got all condescending about it, and it pissed me off!”
She was completely wrong!!! What a moron!!! Every time she got all awkward when the subject of romance came up, I figured she was just embarrassed about her feelings for you, but no—she was worried about MY feelings for you! Unbelievable!
But to be fair, this is YOUR fault, too. You saw that memo paper and assumed she knew about your crush on her. Then you wrote a whole screed to her, which she then interpreted as you arrogantly shooting her down! God, you’re so stupid! Please find attached the memo paper in question. Re-read it and WRITHE.
Anyway, sorry this letter is getting kind of long. I wanted to write it while today’s excitement was still fresh. I hope you’ll read it ten years from now. With all that being said, there’s really just one thing I want to say to you, and I’m too shy to say it in person, so here it is. Ready?
I wish you both a lifetime of happiness together!
“Well, I guess that settles that.”
The next day, Looney and I walked home together while sharing an ice cream bar. She’d been absent yesterday due to a sudden death in the family, but apparently, she had already heard the whole story from Mickey earlier today.
“You’re so lucky. I wish I could have been there,” she mused.
“Trust me, it wasn’t fun.”
“If they fail their entrance exams after all that, I’m gonna laugh so hard.”
She’d said something similar a while back. At the time I just shrugged it off, but this time around, I nodded firmly. “Me too.”
“Wow, you’re evil!”
“I’m just tired of putting up with these idiots all the time.”
Looney let out a cackle. “I’m happy, though.”
For once I could tell she wasn’t joking…although I pretended not to notice the hint of sadness in her voice.
“This is a new beginning. The rest is up to them.”
“Yeah.”
A new beginning—not just for them, but for the rest of us, too. Starting now, we would all head off down our own paths. It was a scary, exciting time for every one of us; after all, none of us yet knew what lay in store for us ahead.
“Wait…”
“Hmm? What’s up, Miyazato-chan?”
“I suddenly feel like I might be able to write that letter to my future self after all.”
If I had to guess, it was some kind of eureka moment. As soon as I got home, I was going to grab my pen and start writing. And with that problem finally solved, the ice cream started to taste a whole lot sweeter.
“That reminds me—do you know why Kyou’s the only person Miki-chan’s never nicknamed?”
“No, why?”
“Heh heh heh. When she told me about it, it blew my mind.”
My heart thumped in my chest. Then she stuck her tongue out at me.
“Apparently she couldn’t think of a good one. Crazy, right? I thought for sure there was some special reason.”
“Wha…?! Oh, come on!”
Here I’d started thinking maybe she sensed she might fall for him right from the start, so she instinctively avoided giving him a dorky nickname. But apparently, I was just overthinking it. With every new secret I learned, they kept getting dumber and dumber.
When it came to the things left unspoken, we inevitably ended up exaggerating their complexity in our minds. I had always figured we could probably avoid these misunderstandings if only everyone else had a power like mine, but when I stopped to really think about it, I could easily picture us creating more trouble for ourselves by reading too deeply into the things we saw.
A few minutes later, like all the days that came before, we ultimately arrived at a fork in the road.
Dear Future Me:
Promise me one thing.
No matter what you do, no matter who you do it with, no matter who you become…just promise me that you’ll read these letters with a smile.
Until then, I wish you the very best.
P.S.
Oh, and I hope someday you’ll see an arrow that’s pointed at you!