With the status quo as our guidepost, we could easily decide our course of action each day. After all, it made everything much less complicated. But if someone didn’t show up today, it would mean something had deviated from the norm, whether intentionally or by chance…and either way, it wouldn’t look good…
Everyone please show up today, I prayed as I left the house. Normally I would take my bike, but this time I decided to go on foot for a change, since the weather was nice. A few minutes in, however, I realized it was actually much hotter than usual and immediately started to miss my bike.
I took a sip of water and headed straight for the library, all the while hoping I’d bump into Kyou-kun on the way. Not so he could give me a ride or anything like that—just for the emotional reassurance. I wanted to stop being afraid that he wouldn’t show up today. But of course, the one day I wanted it to happen, it didn’t.
Since I was alone, there were plenty of other things I could think about—things I was going to have to figure out eventually, like how many private schools I was going to apply to, for example. And yet, for whatever reason, my brain chose to ignore all the more pressing issues and instead agonize over something I’d wondered ever since I was young. Probably because I’d been paying more attention to the subtleties of the phenomenon as of late.
Every few months, I would find myself wondering: why me?
Normally I never paid it much mind, but I must have been feeling a little extra-sensitive after what happened yesterday. With every couple I passed on the street, I asked myself: Why am I able to see people’s love?
I had never particularly resented having this power, but I had never felt especially grateful for it, either.
When I first found out that other people couldn’t see the arrows, I was dumbstruck. It felt like we weren’t looking at the same world. Nevertheless, I did my best to act like I couldn’t see them—that way no one would think I was weird.
But they were still clearly visible to me. And I’d seen the changes that occurred over the past few months.
“It’s not like that! He’s not my type at all, so it’s totally not that!” she had blurted out, blushing furiously, back in February.
“I mean, um…yeah, no, it’s not like that. It’s just…well…yeah, no,” she had stammered, fidgeting, back in March.
“Love confessions are supposed to be nerve-wracking, right? But I didn’t really feel nervous at all… If anything, that time he gave me a bell…” she had trailed off, suggesting she already knew what was up, back in April.
Setting aside how downright adorable it was, she didn’t seem to realize what she was revealing to me, but honestly, it was obvious from the look on her face. And in my case it was even more apparent, thanks to my special power. That being said, however, I only had the information the arrows gave me. Sad to say, this power didn’t enable me to do anything to help—all I could really do was continue to be a supportive friend.
Maybe if a prettier, more outgoing girl had been given this power, she could have found a better use for it, but alas, God wasted it on me instead. Hence, I found myself periodically wondering if there would ever come a day that this power would help someone. What role did He want me to play?
Oh, I see now. In the end, my smaller problems all shared the same massive root cause. The reason I couldn’t imagine my future self, the reason I couldn’t choose a career path, the reason I couldn’t comprehend my power—and maybe even the reason I lacked self-confidence—was because I didn’t know who I was as a person. The question I failed to answer after seventeen years of thinking had now embedded itself inside even bigger questions. Of course I wasn’t going to be able to write a letter to someone I barely knew.
Naturally, this wasn’t the sort of question I could answer within fifteen minutes, and before I knew it, the library was in sight.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t given much consideration to the possibility of using my special power to bolster my future career. What kind of job would benefit from a power like mine? …Matchmaker? Marital counselor? No, no, no! I couldn’t possibly work in a field that would have such lasting impact on other people’s lives. My little heart couldn’t take it.
As I stood at the library entrance, the automatic doors slid open and a gust of nice, cold air washed over my entire body. On the first floor was a large reception desk surrounded by dozens of books, all lined up. Every time I passed through it, I found myself admiring how fun it looked to hang out down here, but as a high school third-year, my destination was the study area upstairs.
It was still early in the morning, and only one-third of the seats were occupied, allowing me to leisurely take my pick of the free tables. But just then, as I looked around, I spotted Kyou-kun.
After what we discussed yesterday, I was too shy to speak to him out loud. So instead, I ripped a sheet of lined paper out of my memo pad, wrote “Good morning” on it, and slowly, gently slid it onto the table from behind him. I knew I was being weirdly obnoxious, and I wasn’t proud of it. But he looked up at me and smiled, then reached over and wrote “Morning!” on my paper.
Having neatly avoided a rehash of yesterday, the two of us spent a long while peacefully focused on our own tasks. After about twenty minutes, I felt I had gained enough composure to handle just about anything. But this false confidence didn’t last long. If my life had had its own soundtrack, this was where they would’ve inserted the suspense music…because a monster was about to strike.
Pretty rude of me to call her that, seeing as I’d referred to her as a “hero” just last night, but the fear she instilled in me that morning was on par with Godzilla. And when she turned up there in the quiet study area, I nearly shrieked.
As she took a seat next to Kyou-kun across the table from me, her smile was far more exaggerated than her usual good-mood grin. When she spotted our written exchange, she added her own “Good morning” and then lifted the paper to show us.
To be clear, there was nothing wrong with Mickey’s smile. It was very pretty. No, what surprised me was something else—something only I could see. And I’d never seen a more aggressive arrow in all my life. What about her was causing it?
I glanced at Kyou-kun out of the corner of my eye. Mickey’s mere presence had made him nervous, but his arrow was as pure as ever.
So, for lack of other options, I smiled at her. Then she pointed her grin in my direction—eeeek. The air was tense, and I could feel something about to happen. Looney or Zuka-kun, one of you please hurry!
But maybe it was a mistake to let myself pray for that. My feelings weren’t strong enough to stop Mickey’s runaway train.
Here she was in the study area, and yet she didn’t take out any of her textbooks. Why was she here, then? The room was so quiet, it felt as though my smallest thoughts were audible. As if to answer my question, she finally took out her pencil case…and a sheet of pink stationery.
What was she planning to do with that? I could practically feel a cartoon question mark floating over my head. Then she nudged Kyou-kun, who was busily pretending to study, and pointed to her paper.
Once he was watching, she wrote:
Dear Kyou-kun,
I screamed internally. If my feelings took the form of a seesaw beam, it would have been swinging like crazy right about now. Meanwhile, Mickey was still grinning away. Looney probably could have managed it a little more gracefully, but Mickey didn’t have that skill.
Now I was starting to understand the meaning behind her exaggerated grin. If I had to guess, she was using it to forcibly conceal something else. Maybe some sadness or anger or some other negative emotion had gotten mixed in with her feelings for Kyou-kun, resulting in an arrow the likes of which I’d never before seen.
As for Kyou-kun, he was frozen stiff. I couldn’t possibly imagine how he must have felt, sitting right next to someone who was about to write a secret letter about him right before his eyes. I also wasn’t expecting Mickey to do something this passive-aggressive.
What do I do? I tried to think. Was this really the best way for him to find out? But on the other hand, if I made her stop, would her feelings take a turn for the worse? Ugh, what do I do?!