“But I wouldn’t be surprised if you got a bell from someone.”
“Yaaaay… I would love that…”
“Can you at least try to sound like you mean it? Sheesh!” She rolled over to look at me. “I wonder what type of guy you’d be into…or if there even is such a type,” she muttered in her usual tone of voice, like she wasn’t thinking about it too hard.
“Who knows… Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t.”
For a moment, I struggled to answer. I couldn’t play it cool like usual. Why? Because my heart had fluttered, and it startled me. It had been a long, long time since something like this actually got me flustered… It was so unusual, it made me queasy.
“I’m gonna go buy a drink. Oh, and if anyone wants to tail me so they can have their way with me in the dark, I’m cool with it. Wait—Miki-chan, what’s with that look? Are you gonna go for it? Eeeee!”
“Will you shut up and get going?!” my beloved Miki-chan snapped back at me, just as expected.
I walked out of the room and into the hall. As I took deep breaths, my heart rate quickly returned to normal, and the nausea went away. But since I was so sleep-deprived, I couldn’t help but stagger slightly. Hopefully tonight I would fall asleep quickly.
But I was foolish to hope for that, because I didn’t sleep a wink. Instead, I listened to Miki-chan snoring softly all night long.
On the third day, the sun’s rays were overpowering. We were still in February, and yet it had me wishing I wasn’t wearing long sleeves. Great weather, though. No wonder Okinawa was said to have the longest life expectancy in the nation.
Today was a mostly educational day. We were doing fieldwork to learn about the military bases and the general history of Okinawa as a prefecture. A deeply interesting itinerary, to be sure, but unfortunately a problem had arisen. One to do with my health.
Normally I could handle a fair amount of sleep deprivation just fine, since I only ever had to sit at my desk. Then I would go home, pass out, and rise like a zombie just in time for dinner. I was never the energetic type to begin with. Maybe God took my physical stamina in exchange for this superpower when I was born.
Then I guess He turned around and gave it to my prince instead, because the guy was practically a bundle of energy, despite his claims that he didn’t get much sleep. His heart was beating at its usual steady rate, too. But mine was beating a little faster than normal—from the sleep deprivation, probably.
“You only have two and a half days left,” I threatened Kyou as we boarded the bus that morning. Then I sat next to my prince, hoping to maybe rest against his shoulder so I could preserve some of my energy. But a few seconds after the bus took off, he turned to me and whispered:
“Look, Looney, I’m sorry, but could you drop the joke now?”
I could understand where he was coming from and why he felt the need to whisper, but I couldn’t nod along or else I’d be admitting the whole thing was just a joke. So instead, I played dumb.
“What joke?”
He smiled stiffly. This I could accept. I didn’t mind if he wanted to believe it was all just fun and games on my part, but I at least wanted to leave some room for ambiguity.
“No more touchy-feely, no more ‘my prince.’ It’s funny and all, but c’mon—you know you’d rather be having fun with Mickey.”
Hmmmm.
Well, frankly speaking, I was more than happy to comply with his request. After all, I wasn’t sure I would have enough energy to keep up with him today. Maybe I’d be better off taking it easy, hanging with someone like Miyazato-chan. But naturally, I couldn’t possibly agree just like that. With an impish grin on my face, I mouthed the words: What’s with the bell?
He must have anticipated that I’d make this my bargaining chip, because his heart rate didn’t waver even a fraction. He donned another stiff smile and shook his head.
I knew I was running low on energy, and I knew he wouldn’t like what I was about to do. But I was fueled purely by disgust, and so I committed myself to a single course of action. Then I relaxed my body and leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Let’s get cozy, my prince.”
“Oh, good grief…”
He was well within his rights to get angry with me, but instead, he simply smiled wryly. He was too much of a good person—on the outside, at least. But I was perfectly content to take advantage of that, because he was a dirtbag. On the inside, at least.
I closed my eyes. If this were any other day, would I have still refused to concede? Probably not. Maybe the sleep deprivation was making me emotional, or maybe it had something to do with last night.
And so I decided to stand my ground and fight my prince.
Unsurprisingly, a large part of our fieldwork involved walking. A lot of walking.
“Don’t push yourself, Looney.”
“I…I’m okay…”
Despite having told me just this morning to stop being “touchy-feely,” my prince offered me his hand at every steep incline or set of stairs. After so much exercise, even my superpower couldn’t keep my heart rate in check…and yet his was barely elevated, like he’d just danced a slow waltz or two. How is he always like this?
With his assistance and the kind support of Miki-chan and my other friends, I survived the morning itinerary. At lunch, I sat with my prince. Normally, I’d be considerate enough to let him do his own thing for a while, but like I said, I had chosen to stand my ground and fight him. So instead, I hand-fed him some of my food and then tried to get him to feed me in return. Miki-chan found it hilarious, but Miyazato-chan looked conflicted. Clearly, she was the most sensible person among us.
Incidentally, I only ended up eating twenty percent of my lunch due to fatigue. Then I gave the rest to my prince.
Fortunately, the afternoon itinerary was much easier: after a tour of the local military base and the art museum, we would be treated to a mini-concert. A good student shouldn’t complain about the “difficulty” of a field trip, but right now, it mattered.
During the post-lunch bathroom break, I was contemplating buying a sports drink when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned to find Miyazato-chan standing there in the lobby with me, her heart beating fast. The rest of our group was nowhere to be seen. What’s wrong? I cocked my head at her inquisitively.
It was then that I learned what her conflicted expression was all about.
“Look, um, th-this might be none of my business, but…um…I think you should probably stop joking around with Zuka-kun.”
“Oh dear. Does my prince seem bothered by it?”
“Not exactly, but…I mean, you don’t seem to be having fun doing it…”
Her words seemed to cut right through me, and while normally I could have kept a straight face, I was just so exhausted, and so for a split-second—I swear, it was barely an instant—I felt the muscles in my face shift slightly. And since Miyazato-chan was highly observant about these sorts of things, she must have noticed. She took a step back.
Having realized my folly, I forced a laugh. “Don’t be silly. Of course I’m having fun.”
But it was too late—she was still looking at me funny. Immediately I knew I had screwed up.
Truth be told, I had known—or at least, sensed—for a while now that Miyazato-chan was ever so slightly afraid of me. Whether it was because I confused her or because she could tell I was dead on the inside, I wasn’t sure, but either way, her fear was completely valid. And yet, this was my first time witnessing said fear right in front of me, and it was actually a fairly painful experience. If we weren’t in public right now, I probably would have crumpled to the floor.
So I decided to apologize. After all, she cared about me and my prince so much that she summoned her courage and made her feelings known, and yet that was the response I gave? But at the same time, if I said I was sorry, it felt like I would be admitting that I didn’t have feelings, and if I did that, I was pretty sure she would hate me for real. And so the apology died on my tongue.
Something new to add to the list of reasons why I hated myself.
“Looney? Elle? What’s going on? Some kind of fake smile competition?”
Just then, Miki-chan returned from the bathroom. This either resolved the situation or made things a hundred times worse—I couldn’t tell, because we spent the rest of the night oddly distant from each other due to the misunderstanding I wasn’t able to clear up. Then again, it wasn’t a “misunderstanding” at all. Whatever she felt about me, she was probably right.
Now that it was too late to back out, I spent the rest of the field trip tagging along with my prince and standing my ground. What was I trying to achieve? Even I wasn’t sure anymore. But after I thought about it, I decided it was the only way to express myself.