Chapter 5
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NOT WISHING TO GO HOME, I went back only to greet Miss Bobtail after school, heading straight to Skank-san’s house with my backpack still in tow. We walked along our usual riverside path towards the square, cream-colored building, but did not sing as we usually did.
We climbed the stairs and headed to the end of the second floor, stood before the door, and pressed the doorbell. I heard the sound of the bell from within, but there were no other sounds. No matter how many times I pressed the button, Skank-san did not appear. Apparently she was out today. Nothing to be done about that. Adults were busy, after all.
We went partway back along the route home before heading toward the usual hill. This time, on the rising path through the park where we often saw Kiriyuu’s father, I chose to turn right toward Granny’s house. I had gone to see Minami-san yesterday, so I decided I should see Granny first today. I climbed the hill alongside my glossy-furred friend, dabbing the sweat from my forehead. If I could see a friendly face and chat with them, perhaps my heart would feel a bit lighter. However, Granny’s home brought no joy to my heart either. No matter how many times I knocked on the great wooden door, I never heard any voice in reply.
I sighed and looked down at my tiny little friend. “All the adults have abandoned me,” I said.
“Meow.”
And so I had no option left but to visit Minami-san, the adult who was closest to me in age.
We descended the hill, and this time climbed the left-hand stairs. My little black-furred friend was as chipper as ever, springing along lightly. However, as the minutes ticked by, my own body felt heavier and heavier, as though I was being filled with lead balls.
When we opened the iron gate and climbed the rest of the stairs, reaching the clearing at the top. There sat the large, frigid box as always, as though it had simply been plopped down in the middle of the field.
When I entered the box and climbed the stairs, Minami-san was waiting for me. I sat down beside her, saying nothing. Miss Bobtail took up her usual position on Minami-san’s lap. That was when I realized that Minami-san seemed different from usual. Although it was a bit rude of me, I pushed her bangs out of her face. Behind them, her eyes were gently shut.
“Minami-san?” I said.
She opened them slowly, as gently as opening a cake box. She met my gaze with only one eye.
“Yo.”
“Salutations,” I replied. “This seems like a really nice place for a nap.”
“I had that same dream again…”
“Which dream is that?”
“A dream about when I was a child. I have it a lot. Was school fun today?”
“Nope, not at all.”
“Figured. You don’t look like you had any fun.”
Although I did not think she was looking at me, she must have been watching secretly from behind her long bangs. I didn’t wish to discuss how I was feeling, so I decided to change the subject. I figured that if we talked about something I liked, my face would light up enough that she would not be able to tell. Just as the scars on Minami-san’s wrists appeared to be fading, I was sure those lead balls would disappear.
“I’ve been thinking,” I said.
“About why elementary school isn’t fun? You can’t have fun all day long.”
“That is true, but that’s not it. I was thinking…what if you showed your story to one of those places that publish books?”
In a rare move, she looked directly at me with a startled look. “What’re you sayin’ all of a sudden?”
“I realized that the reason lots of people can’t read your story is because it’s only written down in your special notebook, which means that no one can read it without coming here. So, you should get it made into a book. Then your story will be in the library and I can show it to Skank-san and Granny.”
“Who’s this ‘Skank’?”
“My friend.”
“You’ve got some weird friends.”
“She’s not weird. She’s a wonderful person. She works as a lady in a midnight court. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Minami-san’s mouth twisted up strangely. “Do you always hang out with weirdos?” she asked.
“Probably,” I replied, mimicking her, mimicking me, mimicking her.
“You have a wonderful job too, Minami-san. If the people at the companies who make books read your story, I’m sure they’d be all over you. Then you could write stories every day. You could create another world in the hearts of people all around the world, just like Mark Twain, or Saint-Exupéry.”
“Easy for a brat like you to say.”
“And you can write books at home too, so you can have a family, and have a kid, and you could play with them, and go on trips with them, and go to their class observation days, and they would never be lonely.”
Suddenly, every fragment of my heart came spilling out. She brushed it all aside with a gentle sigh. “Ain’t that easy, brat.”
“Yes, it’s very hard. Writing wonderful stories, that is. That’s why I want more people to know about you and the wonderful things you write.”
She heaved an even deeper sigh than before. “Listen,” she said, in a tone that could be read as either anger or sadness. “The stories I write aren’t that amazing. I just like putting words on the page. There are people in this world who are way more talented than me. You’ll realize that soon. The stuff I write just isn’t that interesting.”
She spoke as though she had just swallowed something bitter.
“I…could never be an author,” she said.
I took in the meaning of her words in the most childish way. I tilted my head. “What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense.”
“What about it?”
“You’re already an author, aren’t you?”
This time it was Minami’s turn to tilt her head, but I could not figure out why.
“Authors are called that because they author a new world in people’s hearts, aren’t they? Which means that, while I’m not an author yet, you already are. You’ve created a wonderful new world in my heart.”
Of course, even a child like me was aware that people worked jobs to earn money, and that people who were called authors received money from selling books. However, in truth, it did not occur to me that “author” was the name of a profession. The idea that writing stories and selling books were connected was beyond my imagination.
In my mind, authors were not people who sold books, but wonderful people who created worlds of the heart. As far as I was concerned, Minami-san’s name was now firmly among them. Thus, what she said baffled me.
Minami seemed to understand this as well. She breathed in and out in silence, then she smiled just with her mouth. “That so?”
“It is. That’s why we need to get your story made into a book, so that everyone can read it.”
She offered no reply. Instead, she simply looked ahead, smiling. I was filled with happiness at the thought that she might make use of my idea, and formed the same expression as her, looking up at the sky as it unfolded.
However, this feeling of joy did not last for long.
“What is happiness?” Minami asked, just when I thought the sky above might just swallow me up. “Do you have an answer yet? About what happiness is?”
My eyes fell to the concrete floor, suddenly forced to recall the thing I had been trying to forget. “It’s fine, that’s over.”
“So you found an answer?”
“No. But, that’s over now.”
“What the heck does that mean? Dang, and here I had an answer for you.”
I was stunned to hear this. Even though I had tried to say I didn’t care about this anymore, I couldn’t help but be interested.
“What? Tell me!”
“But you said it was over now.”
“Yeah it is, but I still want to know your answer!”
She looked meaningfully through her bangs and into my eyes, then away and out into the sky. She spoke her heartfelt words as though simply placing them on the rooftop.
“Having someone recognize you. To say that it’s okay for you to be here,” she said.
I tilted my head. “Here? You mean on the roof? Did you get permission from the building owner?”
“Probably,” she said, mimicking my mimicry of her mimicking me when I mimicked her.
I still did not understand the meaning of her answer. I would just have to search for my own answer. As I told her about the new book I had started reading, the sky grew red and the wind grew cooler, and before I knew it I heard the faraway sound of a bell chiming.
“Yo, time to go home, brat,” she said, but I did not stand, nor call to my four-legged friend as I usually did.