In my twenty-one years, I had become quite skilled at forming a troubled smile.
“I started that group.”
“You can’t be serious! No way you’d put together a bunch of stick-in-their-ass creeps like that! I thought that you were more low-key and just wanted to have fun and relax every day, but I guess I misjudged you!”
“No, I really am serious.”
Tousuke’s face, which had twisted in mock rage, now twitched, his crossed arms unfolding.
“D-don’t worry, even if you really were the evil commander of that wicked group, I would never stop being your friend. I would bury you in the name of justice, with my own two hands—okay, what’s with that face?”
“I’m serious.”
“…Wha?”
“I’m being serious here. Me and a friend who’s no longer around actually started that group.”
“…What are you saying?”
He was staring at me slack-jawed, his eyes wider than I’d ever seen them. I got the feeling that if I looked back at him for too long he would start thinking I was joking, so I averted my gaze slightly.
“There’s a little more to that, though.”
“…Well, okay, let’s hear it then, I guess,” said Tousuke, making it obvious that though he was listening, he was still skeptical. Despite all his posturing, though, I knew that Tousuke was a good person deep down and would listen carefully to what I had to say.
Without any reservations, I told him about my connections with Moai.
This was the first time I had ever told this whole story to anyone. Because this was the first time, I decided to tell the story simply, starting out with just the important points.
First, I explained the current state of Moai.
As far as I was aware, all of the founding members of the Moai that Akiyoshi and I had founded were now all gone. However, the Moai that had persisted afterward was not the Moai that we had founded.
Our founding ideals of “becoming the people we wished to be,” and the idea that we would only act in the way that represented all of our members’ interests, had already faded. I didn’t know the details of it, but the group had completely changed form from the original organization, expanding into an immense group that had spread to every corner of the campus.
How could this have happened?
Moai, the group that had been founded on a promise between just two people. Two people concerned only with our own opinions, going to museums, attending lectures, and volunteering—doing idealistic things that would result in no profit at all.
There were a number of causes behind the group’s transformation.
Others saw us doing these activities, things which on the surface looked as though we were just having fun, and grew interested, and our membership grew. The university began to see some value in what we were doing, at some unexpected juncture.
However, the greatest reason was neither of those. It was that our unparalleled, idealistic leader and her lofty notions were lost to the sands of time. There was nothing more crucial than this.
Without its captain at the helm, the organization grew weaker than I ever could have imagined, gradually warping and twisting, eating into its own flesh. It metamorphized into a group that sought profit over ideals.
Finally, there was someone who was expelled from the group: me. This new form of Moai had no use for me and my lingering, lofty ideals. And so, I distanced myself from the group. Laying this all out before me, that was all there was to it.
“At least, I assumed that was all there was to it, so I haven’t really bothered worrying about it, until now.” I heaved a sigh. “But now I have a job, and my future is secured, like you’ve said, so I’ve been rethinking the things I’ve done up until now. I started thinking about when we founded Moai. And since we got on the topic of Moai, I figured I should tell you,” I explained, even though I’d actually been working up the courage to bring this up since morning.
Tousuke listened quietly, dutifully to my story, not giving away what he was thinking. From the next room I could hear a song from a band that was popular when we were in high school.
“Sorry for not saying anything until now,” I apologized. Tousuke scratched his head awkwardly.
“No…I get it.” He looked truly troubled. “Seriously though, I hate that I’ve been sitting here badmouthing something that you created… Or, well, I’m sure it sucked more for you to have to sit there and listen to all that.” Tousuke gave a cautious, bitter smile before his face cramped again. “Yeah, it must be worse for you.”
“Ah, yeah, really though, if you’re angry about things, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. It’s just, well…hearing all that, I think it just makes me hate them more. It’s a group that you, my friend, put together, but I just can’t bring myself to like them in the slightest.”
I found myself grinning at this earnest, yet considerate, admission. I waved a hand at him.
“It’s fine, I really don’t mind. I’m not involved with them at all right now, so I don’t care if you love them or hate them.”
“You sure?”
“Really, I’m sure.”
“You aren’t angry at those guys? I mean, all those guys who are in Moai right now pushed you out!”
Put simply, I understood what Tousuke was saying, that I would be justified in disliking the people who had done this to me. Given how well I understood this, I chose my words carefully.
“Hm, I can’t say that I’m angry, per se. Thinking about it now, I’ve never really been angry with them. After I left, I was kind of just disappointed, so honestly, I wrote the whole thing off, and I’ve just found their behavior since then shocking.”
“And the friend you built that group with is now…” Tousuke struggled to complete the sentence.
“She’s no longer in this world,” I confirmed, smiling to make this topic as light as possible.
“Sorry,” he muttered. Tousuke really was a good guy.
“No, it’s all right. And actually, there’s one more reason why I brought this up just now. I was wondering if there was something I could do for my friend, and I was hoping to pick your brain about it. I’m done with job hunting and I’ve got some time now, and as for my thesis, well…as long as I graduate, I’ll be happy. I was thinking I should use the last of my university days to do something for someone else.”
“Well, that’s awful thoughtful of you.”
“Isn’t it? Wonder if there’s anything I can do.”
“Hmm,” Tousuke sighed, looking deep in thought. However, I realized at length that he was not coming up with ideas. He was thinking about what he should say to me. I laughed at my own imaginings.
“I’m guessing if you were in my position, you’d just rip all those Moai guys a new one,” I said, and his face twisted, as though he had been scheming something wicked, before he leaned in close to me.
“Well, if it were me and these guys had not only pushed me out but disrespected my long-lost friend, I would want to settle this at graduation.”
“Settle this?”
“I dunno how, I just know it’d be pretty hard to take the group back at this point.”
He was right. Wresting back control would be impossible. Warped and stained by self-interest or no, at this point in time, it had grown into quite a large organization. It was no longer just some small recreational club. Taking Moai back by conspiring to steal it away with words would mean trying to make the entire organization my own. Trying to overthrow all of the current leadership and get the sudden unconditional backing of the whole membership would be difficult.
I thought for a moment, then looked firmly into Tousuke’s eyes.
“So, what then, do I just try to tear the whole thing down? That’s impossible.”
“…Mm, well you said so yourself, didn’t you? It’s a fragile organization. There might be some way to do that.”
“Some way… I mean, all I’ve really thought about is how I’d do Moai over again. It seems like all that would do is make things messier, though.”
“I gotcha. Well, I mean, you could just take them down and then form a new Moai. Reform it with someone who would have the backing of the underclassmen. Oh, but who supports the original ideals, of course.”
I wondered if I could do that, if I could cure Akiyoshi’s words of their falsehood.
“I could even be a secretary or something.”
“Oh, no, man, I don’t want to get you caught up in this.”
“You really gotta rely on your friends.”
“You ready for a fight?”
“Well, I mean, it’s all up to you, but if you’re down, then I’m down to help.”
Destroying the current Moai and building a new one; I gave the proposal some serious consideration. Erasing that twisted organization, so removed from its ideals, from existence and rebuilding it upon its origins. It would be founded around someone who had the same sort of ideals as Akiyoshi.
That would be the sort of conflict that she would have relished.
That said, at some point, the scales within my heart had begun to tip in favor of my own will. I had begun to think that it might not be so bad to put my friend’s words behind me and try living my university life again as I chose. I wondered if I hadn’t simply grown tired of living as someone else.
I was struck by a naive sort of feeling, just like a certain someone who called the nonsensical pattern that she wrote into the future with her own feelings “ideals.”
“I…I guess so.”
“Hm?”
“…I think…I might do it. Try fighting Moai,” I said tentatively.
“Well, all right then!”
“…I don’t want to do anything that’s gonna mess with our job offers or anything like that, though. And obviously this all has to stay within the bounds of the law.”
“We’re going to be a secret society battling an evil organization! That’s kind of cool.”
Seeing how thoroughly Tousuke was on board with this, I felt a renewed regret about having broached the topic of Moai in the first place.
“If you get uncomfortable, you can bail at any time.”
“Sure. I’ve got plenty of time though, and honestly, this is totally my jam. I’ve always wanted to be part of some underdog team taking on a huge organization. It’s just like the 20th Century Boys.”
I half-wondered if he was saying this just so that I would not worry, but seeing the genuine excitement in his smile, I realized he might actually be serious about this.