“…Yes, I know her…”
That was an understatement. Everyone in their class probably knew this woman.
“…She was our year’s Miss Campus.”
Although she’d never heard about Keigo dating her.
“Give me that!” Keigo yelled, wrestling his phone from the salesman’s hand and bearing down on him with steely eyes. “Would you please give it a rest? I’m about to get very mad.”
“Ah-ha-ha, sorry. She’s so pretty I thought maybe you’d edited in a celebrity’s face or something.”
“You think I’d waste my time on something like that? Enough. We’re going back to our seats.”
He grabbed the older man by the collar and dragged him away.
“M…Ms. Yoroizuka…?” Saotome timidly addressed Nagi, who was in a daze.
“…Huh? What’s wrong?”
“Um…you look scary.”
Only then did Nagi realize that her face was completely blank.
She was done. She didn’t care. She didn’t want to think about anything anymore.
“What?! You’re not going to the after-party? …Are you sick?! I’d be happy to take you home!”
Nagi could usually be counted on to attend after-parties, but that night, she’d begged off, pretending she didn’t feel well. She shook her head vehemently, not wanting to worry Saotome.
“Oh, it’s nothing serious! Thank you, though. You go enjoy the after-party.”
She said good night and waved to Saotome, then speed-walked toward the station. She wanted desperately to dispel the typhoon of unease swirling in her chest. She dove into the first karaoke place she saw, immediately ordered a beer, and started singing the most intense songs she could think of. For the first half hour, she sang whatever popped into her mind, but eventually, the mood of the songs calmed a bit, and for whatever reason, around the one-hour mark, she started singing sorrowful romantic ballads and feeling inexplicably depressed.
“Ugh…my throat…”
At last, having finished a song about unrequited love, Nagi set down her mike. The next song started playing right away, but her throat was at its limit, and she didn’t think she could sing anymore. As she stared absently at the monitor and sipped her beer, a lyric scrolled across reading If only I knew how you felt, things wouldn’t be so hard. The song had been popular when she was in high school.
“…If only I knew how you felt, eh?”
She laughed dryly. When it first came out, she hadn’t thought twice about the lyrics. Who would have guessed that more than a decade later, it would be stabbing her straight through the heart?
“Sigh… Time to go home…”
Coughing, she left the karaoke place with heavy steps and started back to her apartment. She’d stopped in to sing karaoke because she wanted to release some tension, but now she felt even more depressed than when she’d started. As she walked through the ticket gate at her home station, she caught sight of her favorite oden restaurant. It was the same place where Keigo had listened as she talked about Kousaka and Saiga. He’d not only stayed up listening until two in the morning but walked her home afterward. The simple explanation was because he was in love with her, but what if that wasn’t the case? What if he’d only done it out of kindness toward his old friend? But who would go that far for someone they didn’t have feelings for?
“…Ugh.”
She hated herself for obsessing like this. It was pathetic that she was using his kindness toward her as a measure of how much he cared for her.
Filled with self-loathing, she stopped in front of her building and dug around in her purse for her key. Just then, she caught sight of the faint glow of her phone screen.
“Huh?”
The display read 8 missed calls. Flustered, she unlocked her phone. They were all from Keigo. As she tried to grasp what was going on, her phone buzzed again. The name on the screen was that of her childhood friend.
“Hello?” she said after reflexively answering the call.
“Where in the world have you been? You didn’t go straight home, did you?!”
She pulled the phone away from her ear at the sound of Keigo’s shouting.
“Why are you yelling at me out of the blue? …And anyway, how do you know I didn’t go home…?”
“Because I went to your house! There was no answer when I rang the bell, and your room was dark… What were you doing out until this time of night?!”
“You came to my house? Why?”
“Because Saotome told me you weren’t feeling well, obviously! You shouldn’t be wandering around when you’re ill!”
As she listened to him lecture her, her brain started to fog over again.
“Anyway, where are you now? Tell me so I can go there right away! Are you at home?”
She could hear traffic in the background of the call. Judging by how fast he was breathing, she guessed he had been zooming around outside in search of her. Instantly, it became hard for her to breathe. She didn’t want to see him. She understood that very clearly.
“…It’s fine.”
“What? Why?”
“I feel better now, so you don’t need to come over! Bye!”
Ignoring Keigo’s “Hey, wait…,” she hung up. Stuffing her phone into the bottom of her purse as it started vibrating again, she ran through the entryway and pounded on the elevator button. There was no way in hell she could see him. Just talking on the phone was torture! If she met him in person, she might literally suffocate.
Once inside the elevator, she pretended the sounds of the machinery were drowning out the buzzing of her phone. She knew how incredibly awkward she would feel the next time she saw him, but that night, she just didn’t have the mental space to think about the future. The elevator stopped on the fourth floor—her floor—but as she stepped out…
“…Huh?”
When she saw the figure blocking her way, she was speechless.
“What the hell…? Don’t ignore my calls like that…,” Keigo said between raspy breaths. His hands were planted on his knees, his phone still gripped in one of them. He looked about ready to collapse.
“Wh…why are you here?!”
“I finally spotted you outside your building…but then you ran into the elevator, so I followed you on the stairs…!” he said between pants, sinking into a crouch. “Shit…I’m beat…”
He squatted there limply until his breathing quieted, then slowly stood back up.
“We’ll bother the neighbors out here, so let’s go somewhere else,” he said.
They walked over to the door of Nagi’s apartment. As she turned her key in the lock, panic overcame her. She had wanted to avoid meeting him no matter what, and now here he was right next to her. She had no clue what to do or how to interact with him.
“Thanks,” he said with a quick bob of his head as he stepped into the entryway. When Nagi started to take out a pair of slippers for him, he shook his head and said, “No, it’s fine. I’ll stay here.”
Nagi turned toward him apprehensively, her eyes on the floor. Because of the step down to the entryway, his head was closer to her own than usual. That made her even less willing to look at him.
“…Do you feel okay?” Keigo asked, breaking the silence.
“Oh, yeah… Sorry for worrying you.”
“That’s good,” he said. There was another silence.
She figured he could leave now that he knew she was fine, but he showed no sign of budging.
“Nagi,” he finally said, his voice kind. “I was hoping you might tell me why you’ve been so cold toward me lately.”
“…”
“To be honest, that kinda treatment really makes a guy depressed.”
She could tell he was keeping his tone playful for her sake. Nevertheless, her lips remained stiffly pressed together. As she stood there, fists clenched, she heard him sigh quietly.
“I bet it’s my fault…right? I’m sorry,” he said sadly, peering into her face. He looked so genuinely apologetic it made her chest tighten. How could she put him through any more suffering after seeing those eyes?