He wished he had never told her in the first place.
He felt pathetic. What the hell was he doing, making her sob when she was the last person in the world he wanted to cry?
“…Keigo…?”
She made a strange gulping sound. He had pulled her silently back into a standing position, and now she was staring up at him with teary eyes.
“You go home. I’ll do the shopping myself,” he said, pushing her lightly toward his parents’ house and stepping into the fresh snow in front of him. The two of them had walked the same path their whole lives. They had seen the same things, had the same experiences, and grown up together. But this was the last time they would do that.
“I’m sorry, Nagi.”
Somehow, somehow, he prayed that she would forget the childhood friend who couldn’t even bring himself to wish her happiness in years to come.
“W-wait!” she cried sharply.
He stopped. He heard damp footsteps approaching, and then she circled around to face him.
“Why are you apologizing?”
He couldn’t help looking away from her persistent upward gaze.
“…Because I dumped my feelings on you and made you reject me… That’s why.”
He felt even more miserable after saying it. He stared down at the snow, afraid of what she would say back.
“…I don’t remember rejecting you…”
Her words reached his ears.
“…Huh?”
Slowly, he looked up. Her confused face was right in front of him. She didn’t remember rejecting him? What was she talking about?
“No, you… But you apologized to me!”
There was no way he could be wrong about something he recalled so clearly. She had definitely turned to him and said, I’m sorry.
“No…you’re wrong! That’s not what I meant by I’m sorry!” she protested.
“Then what did you mean?” he asked, at his wit’s end. For a moment, she looked astonished; then she grabbed her head in frustration.
“Keigo, I swear… Why are you like this…?” she muttered. Finally, she looked up at him with a frown. “I meant I was sorry for putting you through so much pain.”
It took a long time for him to digest her words.
“Then why were you treating me so coldly…?”
“I was ashamed to look you in the face!”
She buried her mouth in her scarf and lowered her brows apologetically.
“I don’t know how long you’ve felt like that about me, but that whole time, I’ve probably been hurting you, and I felt horrible about it…so…I’m sorry.”
She said the exact same words she’d said the other day, but this time he had an overwhelming urge to hug her. Damn, he loved her so much. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her. His feelings for her looped around endlessly, overflowing the bounds of reason. They were constantly on the verge of surging upward and drowning him mercilessly. He knew he was at an impossible disadvantage, but even so, he couldn’t free himself from the endless refrain of his feelings.
“Hello? Keigo…? Are you okay…?” she asked, peering into his face.
“Nagi!”
“Wah!”
She leaped back, startled by his shout. But he didn’t care.
“A minute ago, you said you didn’t remember rejecting me, right?” he asked, bearing down on her.
She took a step backward.
“Does that mean I still have a chance?”
“…A chance at what?”
“A chance to be your boyfriend,” he said with zero hesitation.
“Uh…,” she said idiotically, looking utterly confused. Her face turned bright red. “I…can’t imagine that, so I don’t know what to say…”
“I can imagine it very easily, because I’ve wished I was your boyfriend hundreds of times,” he said decisively. She opened and closed her mouth without saying anything.
“Uhhh…?” she finally managed. “Wait, wait, wait…”
Succumbing to a rare level of panic, she gripped her head with both hands.
“But, but…if I dated you, things couldn’t stay the way they are, could they…?”
“I suppose that’s true. I’d kiss you and do everything else you’re probably imagining right now.”
“E…everything…?”
Her gaze darted around like she was envisioning what he meant by everything.
“Yes, everything,” he shot back right away. “You’d probably be embarrassed, but there’s no way I could stop myself.”
This appeared to be the fatal blow, because Nagi turned beet red and covered her face with both hands.
“Stop! This is so embarrassing I think I’m going to faint!”
Her muffled voice escaped through the gaps between her fingers.
“Nagi.”
He grabbed both her arms and gently pulled them down. When she looked up at him, her eyes were full of tears, and it seemed like she’d lost her nerve. He was hopelessly in love with each of her quivering eyelashes.
“If you’d rather die than have me as a boyfriend, tell me. But if not—”
He’d been wishing for it for so long. When he woke up in the morning, he wanted her to be the first person he said “Good morning” to. When he ate his meals, he wanted her to eat the same food from the same dishes and say “How delicious!” with him. When he said, “I love you,” he wanted her to be the one who smiled happily and said, “Thank you.” He didn’t want anything grand. He just wanted the little, everyday things.
“I want you to let me keep trying. I want to become the special person you take for granted.”
He was sure that would be enough to fulfill all his needs.
“All…all right…”
It was New Year’s Eve, and the first winter snow was falling. Keigo had taken the chance of a lifetime, and Nagi had nodded and answered so softly he could barely hear her.