A form stepped between them.
“What’s the matter?! Are you all right?!”
Seeing Saotome’s tears, Nagi pulled out a handkerchief and gently began wiping them away.
“…Keigo. What did you do to her?” she asked in a low voice, her eyes still on Saotome.
“I didn’t do anything…”
“Then why is she crying?”
When he failed to answer, she stopped asking questions.
“Saotome, can you walk?”
Nagi wrapped her arm gently around Saotome’s shoulders and helped her into a nearby taxi, then watched as it pulled into traffic. Keigo came up behind her and timidly said her name.
“Hey, Nagi…”
“I’m sorry. I should have thought twice before leaving you two alone.”
Her voice sent a chill down his back. She still hadn’t looked at him.
“…I’m going home now,” she said. Without a single glance his way, she started off. Panicking, Keigo tried to stop her.
“Nagi!” he cried, grabbing her shoulder and half forcing her to turn toward him. Then he froze.
“Tell me what you said to Saotome… Did you really have to make her cry…?”
He hadn’t wanted to see Nagi make that expression. Her sad face weighed on his heart a hundred times more than Saotome’s tears had. He bit his lip and resigned himself to his fate.
“…All I did was tell her about the person I like. I can’t tell you anything else.”
He knew it was cowardly, but the truth was the truth. If Nagi let it go at that—
“Why would you say something like that to her?! You’re insufferably dense!”
But her reaction was the opposite of what he’d expected. At her fierce accusation, he lost his temper.
“You of all people have no right to say that to me!”
She frowned. They glared blisteringly at each other until Nagi finally looked away with a sigh.
“…I’ve heard enough. I didn’t know you were such an awful person.”
He felt like she’d punched him. An awful person? Him? What the heck?
An inexpressible irritation welled up inside him. He realized he was furious. Furious at Nagi for having the nerve to insult him despite not knowing anything. And furious at himself for being able to dislike her even a little.
“Later,” she said coolly, before starting off again.
Out of his mind with anger, he caught up and grabbed her.
“Which one of us is really awful?! I’m sick and tired of you not having a clue! Figure it out already!”
Her defenses were down, and it was easy to enclose her in his arms. He hadn’t held her for ages. Her body was far softer and slighter than he remembered, more dear and more hateful.
“Hey…Keigo! Stop! Let me go!”
She struggled fiercely, but he only tightened his grip.
“I’ll let you go if you promise not to run away.”
“I promise! Just let me go! This is embarrassing!” she shouted. He finally released her. But to prevent her from leaving, he kept a tight hold on both of her wrists.
“I can’t believe this! Out here in public!” she whispered with a shaky voice. Even in the dark, he could tell her cheeks were flushed.
“Nagi.”
He wanted her to look at him, but she just stared more intently at the sidewalk. He could see her eyes darting around behind her eyelashes.
“If you don’t look at me, I’ll make you look at me.”
Seeming to give in to his threat, she looked up at him. He caught her gaze and peered into her confused eyes. He wanted his dense old friend to know everything he was feeling, so he willed all his love for her into his stare.
He heard her gasp softly. Her eyes widened as if she had realized something. A second later, she turned away. For a moment, she said nothing, and all he heard was her nervous breathing.
“…Keigo?” she said after a while. “Is the person you like…someone I know…?”
“Saying you know them would be putting it mildly.”
“Is that person…near you right now?”
“She’s right in front of me.”
This time Nagi was really and truly speechless. Keigo didn’t know if the pounding blood he felt at her wrists was hers or his own. He’d come this far. Why not tell her the rest? The love he’d felt all through his life, the impatience, and the pain—everything. Would she accept it all with kindness?
“This isn’t a prank…is it?” she asked in a feeble voice, looking down.
“I’m getting mad.”
Her shoulders twitched at his low voice.
“O-okay, I get it. I believe you…but…”
“But what?” he urged, a little violently. She shuddered like she was frightened.
“I’m still in shock… I never dreamed that you thought of me like that…”
Keigo knew right away what she was going to say. It was ironic. After all, the reason he knew was because he had always been by her side, gazing longingly at her.
“It’s just that…”
A sense of foreboding spread through him, chilling his heart. Her voice was boundlessly cruel, but even now, it was kind, too, because it was hers.
“…I’m sorry, Keigo.”
The words were like a death sentence. He listened in a daze.
“Please let me go home.”
Her wrists slipped out of his limp hands. None of this felt real. He watched her walk away without a backward glance like he was in a bad dream. How many times had he had this nightmare?
“Ha-ha… What the hell?”
The energy drained from every corner of his body, and he slowly crouched down. Everything was exploding into pieces, but for some reason, it felt terrifyingly unreal. He should have prepared himself better for this possibility. Then maybe he could have avoided feeling this way. Overwhelmed by crushing regret, he covered his face with shaking hands. Loss always came without warning. How could he have forgotten that? Just like when Nagi’s father died…
It happened in the fall of his thirteenth year. He would never forget it. The funeral was held quietly, with only relatives and very close friends. It was an intimate ceremony. He remembered that only two or three people came from Teitou Bank to light incense. Her father had been made to take responsibility for the personal data breach, but the end of his life was so lonely it was hard to believe he’d been the head of system development at such a huge bank.
After the cremation, Keigo found Nagi hiding in a corner of the crematorium hallway as the sun set, crying.
“…Keigo?” she said quietly after he’d stood next to her for a while. “Can you tell me something, if you know the answer?”
Her tear-filled eyes turned desperately toward him.
“My father worked so hard for everyone. Why did they kill him?”
What a simple, painful contradiction. He couldn’t find an answer. Maybe it was because he was young, or because he himself was so upset by the death of her father, who had always doted on him.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know.”
In place of answering, he wiped away her tears, and finally, unable to hold himself back, he wrapped her in his arms. He wanted to hide her sobbing body away from all the bad things in the world, but his arms weren’t strong enough for that. It tore him up inside. Still, he hugged her tight, if only to protect her for that moment. Desperately, he cradled her in his weak arms.
He lifted his face, returning from the past, and looked at the arms that had once held her. Aside from a few moments ago, he had never held her before or after that day. He had thought she was strong, but back then, she had shown him her weakness. There was more than enough of it to make him want to protect her. But she would probably never accept such feelings from him again.
Nagi. Nagi. Nagi. He loved her name more than any other word in the world. And right now, it hurt like hell.