After finishing her flavorless French meal, Nagi walked back to the train station accompanied by Kousaka.
“Thank you. That was very nice,” she said.
“It was my pleasure,” he answered.
They delivered their social niceties and bobbed their heads politely. She probably should have gathered her courage and suggested they go to a bar, but she didn’t have the requisite nerves of steel, and anyhow, she desperately wanted to go home.
“Well…good-bye.”
They each gave a lukewarm wave and parted at the ticket gate. Nagi boarded her train and collapsed into a seat.
What was all that about? She felt like she had just wasted a lot of time and energy. How strange. It wasn’t supposed to go like that.
She glanced at her phone. It was only just past nine. They had been exchanging messages daily for months. She’d never dreamed it would all fall apart in less than two hours. She felt like the world was ending. The train rocked her along to her station, where she stepped off with leaden feet. Just outside in the street, the delicious aroma of broth tickled her nose. It was coming from a little oden shop she stopped at sometimes after work. Sucked in by the good smell, she sat down at the scratched-up counter she knew so well.
“Evening.”
Without her having to say a word, the familiar owner brought her a hot towel and a beer.
“Daikon, beef tendon, and hard-boiled egg…and fish cake, please,” she said.
“Coming right up,” he answered. A moment later, the steaming bowl of broth with her requested items floating in it was set on the counter. She picked up her disposable chopsticks, took a sip of the broth, and let out a long sigh. Ahh, delicious! The flavor seemed to seep into her very bones. She had just finished half her beer in one go when her phone buzzed on the counter. She casually picked it up and nearly choked. It was a message from Kousaka. With great trepidation, she opened it. There was a neutral greeting, and then at the end:
…I hope we can continue to be good friends.
So it was over. She set the phone down softly and flopped over the counter in sorrow. She wanted to punch herself for being so stupid.
“…Haaah.”
Listlessly sitting back up, she typed out a reply. It was pure boilerplate, a thank-you-for-tonight followed by an I’m-glad-we-met. She wrapped it up with Yes, let’s stay in touch. Before hitting Send, she scrolled up and reread his old messages. They’d exchanged a lot. It had been fun. And pointless.
She reluctantly sent the message, then slipped her phone into her bag, chugged down her slightly warm beer, and asked for another. As she lifted a bite of the broth-soaked radish to her mouth, her second beer in hand, a feeling of inexpressible emptiness overwhelmed her. It’s all in the past. No use worrying about it now. She forced Kousaka out of her mind, but one negative thought tends to bring another, and Saiga popped up to fill the space Kousaka had left.
I don’t expect anything from you, anyway.
The remembered words were like a knife to her heart. She’d have to tell the department head about the situation on Monday. Crushed by melancholy, she flopped back down on the counter. Work was a disaster. Love was a disaster. Everything was a disaster. Was there anything she was good at?
She thought about that question seriously for a while, but all she could come up with was turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. She hated this. She was exhausted. Her body and mind both felt heavy, and she didn’t have the will to keep fighting—
Suddenly, someone tapped her shoulder, and she shot upright.
“Wh—? …Erk!”
As soon as she turned around, the person poked her in the cheek.
“Gotcha!” he said, laughing.
Nagi froze.
“K…Keigo?! What are you doing here?” she asked, shaken. He sat down next to her.
“I saw you as I left the station, so I thought I’d come mess with you.”
He might live near the same station as her, but it was still odd to bump into him here. He ordered a beer. As she peered at him in surprise, she suddenly remembered something.
“What happened with Saotome?! Didn’t you two go to dinner tonight?”
“I walked her to the station. She’s probably getting home about now.”
It was only nine thirty. She was hardly one to speak, but wasn’t the time for romance just starting? Since she couldn’t bring herself to ask him about it, and his beer had just arrived, they clinked glasses. After taking synchronized swigs, Keigo said, “Did something happen tonight? Your back looked really sad when I was walking up.”
Her back looked sad? It was too much of a hassle to ask what that meant, so she silently sipped her beer.
“Things didn’t go well with the guy?”
“…I don’t think so,” she answered hesitantly.
“You don’t think so?” he echoed with a wry smile. “Well, if you feel like telling me later, I’m all ears.”
He paused for a second, then asked, “Can I eat your fish cake?”
“Sure. Just not the beef tendon.”
“Thanks.”
She watched him scarf it down in two bites with an appreciative “Yum.” He sure could eat. She supposed that since he was so tall, he had to have more or else he’d get hungry.
“How much have you had to drink?” he asked her.
“Not that much. Three glasses of champagne, and this is my second beer.”
“So you can have five more. I’ll take you home, so drink until you’ve had enough. But no more than that. You’ll pass out and be totally unable to wake up,” he teased. She pouted.
“I don’t pass out outside. Anyway, you’re the one who’s impossible to wake up.”
“Not true. I never drink recklessly.”
“Listen to you! Who passed out in my mom’s flower bed on New Year’s?”
“You mean when we got thrashed at mahjong? Man, when I woke up freezing cold in a field of flowers, I seriously thought I’d died and moved on to the next life.”
Nagi roared with laughter, feeling slightly better. There wasn’t any refined classical music playing, the food wasn’t fancy, and the counter was covered in scars and a little greasy. But the conversation was light and easy, and before she knew it, Saiga and Kousaka had vanished from her mind.
“…So what do you think I need to work on?”
Happily drunk, she set her mug down with a clatter. She was talking more openly now and had just finished explaining to Keigo what her dinner with Kousaka had been like. He listened with a look halfway between sympathy and amusement.
“Poor Mr. Cider Commercial…” He sighed.
“Mr. Cider who?”
“Oh, nothing. Anyway…maybe you could tone down your old-man tendencies.”
“But you like to watch boxing and play mahjong, too!”
“We just happen to have similar hobbies. As far as I can tell, this Kousaka is a completely different type.”
Nagi had been leaning in toward him, but at this candid comment, she backed away meekly.
“Now I’ve done it… I was an idiot to use you as a standard.”
She held her head in her hands, thinking back over her many missteps.
“Don’t you have anyone else to use?”
“I mean, I know everything about you, so you’re the easy choice,” she said without thinking too much about it.
There was an abrupt silence. Finding it odd he wasn’t saying anything, she looked over at him. He was staring into his mug.
“Everything, huh…?”
He let out a short breath that could have been a laugh or a sigh, then turned slowly toward her.
“If you know everything about me, what am I thinking right now?”
“You want me to play a guessing game?”
“Just give it a shot.”
She thought for a minute, then said, “I know!” and looked at him. “Nagi sure looked cute today! Not. Ha-ha.”
She laughed at her own joke, then gradually fell silent. Keigo wasn’t even smiling. To the contrary, he was staring at her. Hey, you were supposed to laugh! Just as she was about to make a follow-up comment, he spoke.
“You’re right. That’s exactly what I’m thinking.”
Her thoughts blurred. She had to think hard about what he meant.
“Um…well…”
Maybe she’d drunk too much. His strangely ardent gaze was focused directly on her. She knew she was shaken, and she knew he could tell. Still, she couldn’t look away. Even though it was Keigo sitting next to her, in that moment, the mood swirling around them felt completely different.
“…Ha-ha, got you!”
His lips curled up. When she realized he was messing with her, she pinched his side.
“Ow!” he said, squirming away.
“You’re drunk!” she said, giving him a hard stare.
“Am not.”
“Are too. This is how you act when you’re drunk.”
She pouted and tilted back her mug. After swallowing some of the slightly watery highball she’d ordered, she noticed her throat was horribly dry. Keigo had always been like this. When he got drunk, he sometimes teased her and said things like he’d done a moment ago. He’d have on a dead serious expression, too, which made it even worse.
“Why don’t you try that line on Saotome?”
“…Why Saotome?”
He frowned, and so did she.
“You’re dating her, aren’t you?”
For some reason, a look of blatant disgust came over his face.
“…So you did take that the wrong way. I didn’t think you would.”
“What? You’re not dating?”
“She told me she wanted to ask my advice about something, so we went to dinner. That’s it. We’re just coworkers, I swear.”
“Oh, okay. I was so sure…”
“I was going to tell you, but you ran off before I could say anything.”