Maha sometimes felt she could feel the color of people’s gazes. For instance, the people she crossed paths with now as she walked down the corridor looked upon her with a mixture of cold blue and purple fear.
“Ugh…” She sighed, thinking to herself that this was the seventh time today. She had a habit of counting her sighs.
“You should say something if it bothers you that much.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m used to it.”
Some praised her for the way she always survived even the most difficult of battles, but others scorned her for that same reason, believing death followed wherever she went. They saw her as a soulless fighting machine and regarded her icily. But she didn’t do anything to dispel that impression, always acting indifferent to their treatment. In my opinion, such an attitude only made things worse.
“You could let your guard down more.”
“And let the demons walk all over me? No thanks.”
Maha lived in a place colloquially known as the Base, a military facility located on the outskirts of the continent in a town near the ocean. It was carved out of several hundred meters of stone, so although the furniture was wood and alchemy was used all over, the cold, oppressive feel of the place was omnipresent. It had training grounds, meeting rooms, and more. Maha lived alone in a room assigned to her here.
The first thing she did after returning to her room was toss the alchemy tome that I communicated through onto the bed. She then removed her glasses and placed them on the neighboring sideboard. Her room was unnaturally tidy; or rather, it lacked enough clutter to create any mess. It felt terribly unlived-in compared to the rooms of her colleagues.
Demon blood speckled her glasses. She removed her blood-stained combat uniform and, wearing just her underwear, dampened a towel and began to clean her body. Though she could wipe off the blood, its smell was a permanent part of her after her countless battles. No girl her age should have such a smell, of course, but she didn’t seem to care and continued to indifferently wipe herself down.
“Maha… Don’t you think you should be a little more… What’s the word? Embarrassed? Self-conscious?”
“There’s nothing weird about being half-naked in my own room. It’s just us here.” Her reply was dry, her hands not stopping once. Her facial muscles rarely, if ever, saw use.
“No, I mean… You should be more mindful of the fact you’re a young lady. Take whatever is going on with your underwear, for instance. There isn’t an ounce of allure in those. At least make sure the top and bottom match—”
“All that matters is that they be practical and cost-effective,” she cut in. “Besides, it’s not like anyone’s going to see these,” she said with exasperation. She didn’t get it one bit, the poor thing.
“Listen here, Maha. There are plenty of rather lovely people around you, are there not? Like Ney, for instance.”
“I guess…? What of it?”
“With so many candidates to choose from, a girl your age should be out there finding a lover or two, then reporting back to me so you can brag about this and that—”
“Metako, please. Everyone here’s a woman. Besides, I don’t have time to waste on such frivolous things.” Unamused, she returned to wiping her body.
Good grief. I couldn’t tell if she was too straight-laced for her own good or just obstinate. She was right about one thing, though. Most of the male combatants had long since died in battle. Things were so dire that women now needed to be dragged to the front lines. Maha herself was one such example of that. But there wasn’t really an issue with two women being together, as alchemy could easily give them a child.
“Salutations, Maha!”
The door flew open abruptly. Maha looked over to see a small person with black hair and dark brown eyes approach—Ney. She was short, only coming up to Maha’s hips. Given that Maha’s own stature was fairly average for a girl, Ney could pass for a young child or perhaps even a toddler. Maha made no effort to hide any part of her body from her.
“Please knock when you come in, Ney.”
“Aha ha, apologies.” Ney cackled, showing no guilt. She was like a ferocious beast in battle, but in moments of peace she was just a cute, expressive girl.
Maha looked exasperated, but there was some affection in her expression, not that her facial muscles moved much at all.
“‘Twas good work you did out there, and on such short notice. Be proud.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“Spare me the modesty. Without you, the demons might have reached the town. Everyone bears nothing but praise for you.”
“It’s really nothing. Fighting is all I’m good for anyway.”
“There you go saying such things. A girl as talented as you is meant for better things than bloodying your hands.” Ney frowned slightly. “But… Your aptitude for alchemy is far too great for us to not rely on you at the moment. If only all alchemists had your capability, then I’d gladly place you elsewhere…”
Indeed. Maha was special in that, through me, she had direct access to a greater power. But, an explanation of what exactly I am will have to wait until later, I’m afraid.
“I’m sure my mother would have something to say about that,” Maha said.
“Diriyah, huh… She’s, well…”
Diriyah was Maha’s mother, but the face Maha made when she said her name showed things were not all well between them.
“The girl considers research to be her life’s purpose, so it can’t be helped.” Diriyah was nearing her forties, but Ney still spoke of her as though she were younger. Nobody around Maha actually knew how old Ney was. They all say she’s looked the same for as long as they could remember.
“I’m nothing but a guinea pig to her,” Maha said.
“I wouldn’t say that. She properly loves you as her daughter.”
“Sure…”
Maha recalled the gazes of the people she passed earlier. She couldn’t see a difference between the coldness of their eyes and those of her mother’s.
“Aha. You wish she would dote on you,” Ney stated.
“I do not.”
“Perhaps you’re beginning your rebellious streak then. You are at that age.”
Maha turned fifteen this year. In this world, that made her an adult… But only in name. The truth was, she was caught in that gap between youth and maturity, and that set her on edge. Or perhaps her curtness was just an attempt to appear older, like a child trying to look taller by standing on their toes.
“At any rate, you did well today. The town is safe from demons thanks to you. As captain of the Al-kimiya shock troops, you have my thanks.”
Al-kimiya was the name of the alchemist force Maha was part of, and Ney was its captain. Maha was a bit too close to her to call her by title, however.
Ney meant her words to be a compliment, but Maha’s expression remained stiff. Noticing that, Ney softened her tone. “…How many?”
“Five.”
“I see… A shame. Come here.”
Ney spread her arms, and Maha kneeled down to bury her face in the much shorter Ney’s chest. Ney took her arms and wrapped them around Maha’s small head.
The five alchemists that died left no bodies behind. Demons could grow stronger by eating alchemists, so Maha made sure to incinerate their bodies in battle. The short swords that alchemists carried were for taking one's own life if necessary just as much as they were for fighting demons.
“Ney… I survived… Again.” Maha’s voice was a low, pained murmur. She’d experienced countless battles, but she still couldn’t grow accustomed to the loss of her comrades, even when I’d salved most of the pain.
By offering her memories to me, Maha was able to use more powerful alchemy than she could on her own. Those memories were expunged from her mind, and though she could learn of what she lost, the memories themselves would never return. With her memories of those that died today already gone, just where her sadness came from was hard to put into words.
“You’ve had it rough, my dear. But that is simply the way things are in these times. Your efforts have allowed many to see another day, however, so I think you’ve earned a head pat or two.” With a joking smile, Ney tousled Maha’s silver hair. It was unclear if she understood how Maha felt or not.
“Ney, that hurts.”
“Aha ha, sorry, sorry.”
Maha frowned slightly, but she wasn’t actually hurt. She was just going along with Ney’s playful mood. For some time, she silently let Ney pat her head.
“Have you been eating properly? You’re scrawny,” Ney said.
“Oh, stop it.”
“Just look at your hips! So terribly thin. You would do well to fleshen out some, and in certain places mind you.” Ney rudely looked down at Maha’s breasts.
“Are you trying to pick a fight?” Maha said, unamused.
“‘Tis all in jest.”
“I’d hope so. You’re not exactly one to talk given your stature. I outgrew you long ago.”
“Who’re you calling a loli?!” Ney shouted suddenly, then began to sulk. Her small, youthful face made it hard to imagine she was older. But Ney had always been the way she was in even the earliest of Maha’s memories. Incidentally, the word ‘loli’ was a mocking term that originated from a novel written by a woman said to have loved a little girl.
“I didn’t.”
“Oh dear, oh dear. You used to be this darling little thing. Since when did you become this cheeky? Who do you think used to change your diapers when—”
“That was ages ago. What are you even here for, anyway?” Maha forced the conversation along as she picked up her glasses and carefully wiped the blood off. Once they were clean, she put them back on.
Ney grinned wryly and relented, letting the topic go. “My vice-captain has a message for you. Submit your report ASAP, she says.”
“All right. I’ll have it in today.”
“Good, good. That’ll be all from me then.” Ney moved to leave the room, but came to a stop. “Oh, I almost forgot. One more thing.”
“Yes?”
“Welcome back, Maha.”
“…Thank you.”
Despite the insignificance of those parting words, it made the fact Maha lived to see another day feel all the more real.