Chapter 3: To the Land of Cards
“THE monsters around here are a complete joke. Didn’t even break a sweat!” Hatta said, single-handedly fending off some monsters.
“Do you have someone you like, Alice?”
Haigha and Alice, meanwhile, were having some typical girl talk.
“Not at the moment, though I doubt I’ll ever find anyone even remotely close to my level. What about you?”
“I love everyone equally.”
“Come to think of it, you did mention something about making lots of love with animals.”
“I did not! I said I’d make them happier with my love magic!”
“Huh, my mistake.”
On second thought, maybe it wasn’t exactly that typical.
“What about the White Rabbit? Do you love him?”
“He’s…just an acquaintance.”
So much for everyone. Alice felt a sliver of pity for the rabbit.
Once the monster attacks ceased, they got to enjoy a brief moment of rest and relaxation.
“A certain someone is blocking our path, my lady…” Seb suddenly stopped their coach.
“A certain someone? Oh, you mean the Red Knight. The one that really knows how to get under your skin.”
Alice got out of the coach and approached the Red Knight, otherwise known simply as Red. Hatta and Haigha followed closely behind out of curiosity.
“Why, if it isn’t Princess Alice. Beautiful as always.”
“I’m glad to see you’re doing well too, Red.”
“Seb’s not coming down to greet me, I see. How cold, old chum of mine! Oh! My apologies. Was he perhaps bedazzled by my unspeakable beauty? Hahaha! Can’t say I blame him; I would be too, after all this time.”
“He just can’t stand that part of your personality, supposedly.”
Red had, to put it lightly, an intense personality.
“And who might those two in the back be?”
“My fellow companions Hatta and Haigha. They run an item shop in the city.”
“I’m Hatta. It’s a pleasure.”
“And I’m Haigha. Pleased to meet you.”
“I’m the Red Knight, but feel free to call me Red. I serve the Red Queen. But enough about her; let’s talk more about me! Don’t even try hiding it; I can tell you two are just itching to hear all about my gorgeous looks. It all started one full moon night when I, the son of God, was born.” Red entered storytime mode, tossing his hair back.
No wonder Seb can’t stand this guy, Alice thought.
“Red has no friends,” she said out loud.
Never would’ve guessed, Hatta thought.
“And so, this cute little angel… Hmm? Did someone just say they wanted to be friends? Or was it just me?”
“Just you. I said you have no friends,” Alice said drily.
“Why, I never! Of course, I have friends. Everyone does! Alice, allow me to introduce you to my good friend, Dan.” Red held out a roly-poly. Hatta and Haigha’s fight-or-flight instinct kicked in, prompting them to step back.
“You and Haigha might have something in common.”
“Do not go there!” The comparison peeved Haigha so much, she stepped forward again.
“Haigha, was it? I think we can be friends, if your little onion monster is anything to go off of.” Red locked on to Haigha immediately, entering her into his potential friend list. With the onion monster chilling by her side, Haigha’s excuses were doomed to fall flat.
“What are you doing here anyway, Red?” Alice asked.
“I’m here on the Red Queen’s orders. She’s collecting rare sweet ingredients, one of which, the mind-blowingly sweet purple yams, can be found at the flower field up ahead. And where might you be heading, princess?”
“To see the Red Queen. There’s something I need to borrow.”
“You want to see the Red Queen? I’m afraid you’ve come at a bad time. The town’s in total lockdown due to the ongoing search for the tart thief. To get through, you’ll need to pass a whole series of checks which, at worst, can take anywhere from one to two days.”
The tart thief incident appeared to have ballooned into something much more serious than the party had initially expected.
“We’re in a hurry. Can you get us through somehow?” Alice asked.
“I can write you an invitation letter, for a small favor, that is. I need you to take care of this pesky little monster terrorizing the flower field. It’s right up ahead; it won’t even take you that long.”
“Why don’t you handle it, Red?” Alice asked. “Not that we mind. It’s just your combat abilities are the only aspect of you the Red Queen ever speaks highly of.”
“Why do you have to put it like that? Regardless, why don’t you just go ahead and see it for yourselves? You’ll see what I mean.” Red got in the coach, and they set off for the flower field, which they got to in no time at all. “There it is. Look.”
They hopped out of the coach and got up closer to the unidentified source of movement in the center. It appeared to be a slime monster.
“Wh-What is that?!” Hatta turned pale. “Alice, we can’t get any closer.” He forcefully halted the group.
“Why’s that?”
“Once you get close, it reads your memories, and then it turns into the thing you fear most. Everyone’s had at least one or two traumatic experiences in their life, yeah? It’ll use them against you, that insidious bastard.”
“Traumatic experiences? I’m sold.”
“Huh?! What’re you—”
Alice circled around Hatta and gave him a good shove, sending him flying in front of the slime monster.
“N-No. No. Noooo!!!”
The slime shapeshifted into Alice from the Dodo race, the one enveloped by an ominous black aura. This was, apparently, Hatta’s number one traumatic experience.
“Who’s that pretty young lady, Red?” asked Alice.
“Why, that’s you, Princess Alice.”
“Who’s that young lady with the refined air around her, Seb?” asked Alice.
“Why, it’s you, of course. Although the real Lady Alice shines all the more brightly.”
Seb and Red were suddenly in perfect sync thanks to Alice, not that it really mattered.
“Hatta?!”
Haigha rushed over to her unconscious brother, leading the slime monster to shapeshift into Alice from the Cheshire hunt. Nothing really changed besides the inexplicable knife in her hand and the ominous smile.
“Who’s that beautiful young lady, Red?” asked Alice.
“A blind man could see that it’s you, Princess Alice.”
“Who’s that sweet, elegant young lady, Seb?” asked Alice.
“Why, it’s you, of course. Although she’ll never truly match the original.”
The three were entirely unfazed.
This time, a concerned onion monster approached Haigha’s unconscious body, leading the slime monster to shapeshift into Alice hungrily drooling from her mouth. The onion monster began shivering in fear.
No matter who dared approach, the slime monster would only take on various forms of Alice.
Is Alice synonymous with trauma? The words never left Red’s mouth.
The slime monster, returning to its original form, started lightly tapping Hatta and Haigha’s unconscious bodies.
“What’s it doing, Red?”
“First, it makes you pass out, then it starts attacking. The attacks themselves are so weak, they don’t deal any actual physical damage, but the lingering psychological damage more than makes up for it. In my case, it was the Red Queen when she gets absolutely livid.”
“My condolences. Anyway, play time’s over; let’s go take care of it. Red, you stay put.”
Alice and Seb approached the slime monster. Yet it, for some inexplicable reason, didn’t shapeshift into anything. Seb first froze it with ice magic. Then Alice just picked it up and tossed it beyond the horizon. The seemingly unbeatable monster had been handled with ease.
“Do they…not have any traumatic experiences?”
The disturbing realization hit. It was rather surreal how Red, a known whack job, seemed relatively normal compared to Alice and Seb.
“Wakey wakey, sleepyheads.”
“Huh? What—what happened to the slime monster?”
“Don’t worry; we took care of it. Now get up; there’s still work ahead of us.”
They collected a bunch of tasty-looking purple yams.
“I say, we deserve a little reward after all that hard work. Seb, you know what to do.”
They moved away from the flower field and watched Seb roast up some yams. The smell was so good, Hatta and Haigha managed to recover from the psychological damage they’d suffered earlier.
“Bon appétit!” Seb said.
They dug in, a smile spreading across everyone’s faces the moment the piping-hot-roasted yams reached their tongues, except for Seb.
“As deadpan as always, I see,” smirked Red. “Could you maybe, I don’t know, try smiling a little like the rest of us?”
“Be careful what you wish for,” Seb said, smiling fearlessly.
“Not quite what I had in mind.”
“Don’t forget to write up that invitation letter you promised.”
“Completely slipped my mind. Pen and paper, if you could.” Red began working on the invitation letter with Alice observing him from the side.
Seb put out the fire. Hatta laid down, massaging his stomach. And Haigha, bored out of her mind, was playing with the onion monster.
“Alice, can I go play in the field?”
“Go ahead. We’ll pick you up after we’re done resting.”
“Thanks!” Haigha ran off into the flower field.