❤❤❤
“I sure hope he’ll hear us out at least. Hmm? Are those…monsters?!”
The relentless attacks resumed almost as soon as they left the Dodo’s territory, and the fact that they were a moving target didn’t help. This wasn’t that much of an issue, however, as Hatta and Seb repelled them with ease.
“Agility buff, Sis.”
“There you go.”
“An attack damage buff, if you’d be so kind, Lady Haigha.”
“No problemo.”
Haigha’s various buffs were a great asset to the party, allowing them to clear the attacking monsters with even greater ease.
“This mouth ulcer’s killing me, Haigha,” Alice complained.
“I’ll fix you up in a jiff.”
“I got bit by some bug, and it itches real bad, Haigha,” Alice griped.
“Not anymore.”
And then there was Alice, who used Haigha’s powers for other purposes.
“I’m taking a nap. Wake me when we get there.”
“Sure, but how do you expect to fall asleep under these—” Hatta turned to Alice, who was already passed out. “—circumstances.”
“Some things never change, huh, Hatta?”
“Alice lives by her own set of rules. Also, do not, under any circumstance, draw anything on her face. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“Did you—” Haigha noticed Hatta’s thousand-yard stare. “Nothing, nothing.”
“Master Hatta, I see a hut up ahead,” Seb informed the siblings.
“That’s the one. Wonder if he’s there.”
They stopped by the hut to check if he was inside.
“Empty.”
“Look over there, Master Hatta.”
There he was, out in the distance, digging a hole in the ground. He planted a seed in the hole and hit a button on the pocket watch hanging from his neck. The seed matured into a magnificent fruit tree in the blink of an eye.
“Grr! I still can’t reach it? One last jump.”
Alas, the tree branches hung just a little too high.
“Ya ain’t climbing trees anytime soon there, pal. Find something else to harvest.”
“Long time no see, Hatta.”
“Hey, White Rabbit.” Haigha popped out from behind Hatta.
“Ha-Ha-Haigha?!” The White Rabbit started fidgeting, his face turning bright red. “This must be my lucky day. You can go now, Hatta.”
“Go where? I came to ask for a favor.”
“What favor?”
“Set this Holy Water’s internal timer about thirty days forward. That’s how long it’ll take for Haigha’s magic to fully permeate.”
“That’ll be five thousand gold coins.”
“Uh-huh.” Hatta furrowed his brow. “I’ll get the fruit down for ya. Now, make it snappy.”
“I’m a busy man; pay up or scram. I’m off to see the Red Queen once I fetch myself a bite to eat.”
“The Land of Cards’ queen?”
“Long story short, I’m busy assisting her, so I don’t have time to play your silly games. Although…if Haigha were to give me a big old hug, I might reconsider. Oh, and throw in a kiss on the cheek too for good measure.” The White Rabbit ogled Haigha, a shimmer in his eyes.
“Erm, how should I put this, no.”
“Wh-Why not?!”
“You’re just…an acquaintance.” That single remark had demoted him from friend to acquaintance in a flash.
“Dammit, dammit, dammit! Whatever, I’m late for a very important date anyway—” Alice nabbed him by the ears. “Release me at once!”
“Found dinner.”
“Dinner?! Wh-Who are you?!”
“Why, only the face of Wonderland, the blindingly beautiful princess Alice herself, of course. Do you not recognize me? Oh well, I’ll allow it. You don’t get to see talking rabbits every day, after all. Are you some sort of monster? Seb, prepare the fire.”
“Right away.”
“Haigha, help!”
Normally, Seb’s phenomenal prep speed would’ve been awe-inspiring. But to the White Rabbit, it only further inspired dread.
“Alice, that’s the White Rabbit we talked about earlier. He can help us.”
“He does have a pocket watch, now that you mention it.” She tried ripping it from his neck, yet it refused to come off.
“Ow ow ow, watch it! Only I can use this ultra-rare item—it’s merged with my body!”
“So, you’re cursed?”
“No?!”
“Who cares? All you need to know is that this can go one of two ways. You either do as you’re told and get mercifully boiled into stew, or you don’t do as you’re told, and we’ll be serving slow-roasted rabbit for dinner.”
“I get eaten regardless?!”
By this point, even Hatta, who got a little heated, and Haigha, who had recently demoted him to an acquaintance, started to feel bad for the White Rabbit.
“Enough’s enough. I think he’s learned his lesson.”
“Let him do his thing, Alice. That’s why we came here.”
“…Fine, but you better make it quick.”
“Okay, okay. Now put me down already. Also, could I maybe get a bite to eat? Anything, even the fruit from the tree, will do just fine.”
“Sure. Here, try this.” Alice held out a plate. On it rested a delectable sandwich.
“Don’t mind if I…bleurgh! What’d you put in this?!”
“Mushroom monster.”
“You WHAT?! Don’t feed me weird stuff!” The White Rabbit, genuinely concerned for his own well-being, caved into her demands.
Holy Water in hand, he pushed a button on his pocket watch. The Holy water took on a faint blue-ish shade, giving it a mystical vibe.
“Happy? I really need to get going to the Land of Cards now, or else the Red Queen’ll have my head.”
“Hold it. The Land of Cards borders Wonderland, and we enjoy friendly relations. It’s ruled by two queens—the Red Queen and the White Queen. It’s a peaceful land known for its tasty sweets… What happened?”
“The Red Queen’s favorite afternoon tea snack is a tart. She munches on them every day. Recently, someone’s been stealing all her tarts. They just seemingly vanish into thin air, with no perpetrator in sight. That’s where I come in. I was asked to find the criminal using my trusty pocket watch.”
“Tarts so good they’re worth stealing? Once we beat up the Demon Lord, let’s stop by the Land of Cards, Seb. I wish to try one too.”
“As you wish.”
Beat up the demon lord? The White Rabbit shook his head. No, I don’t want anything more to do with these people, he thought as he scrambled away, blissfully unaware of their future encounter in the Land of Cards.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
WITH the White Rabbit gone, they resumed their journey to the Demon Lord’s castle.
“It’s getting late. I suggest stopping by a nearby town.”
They stopped by a town at the foot of a hill, per Seb’s suggestion. They parked their coach at a local inn and began wandering all around.
“I could eat a horse.”
“I’ve got just the thing for you, Hatta.”
“No thanks. I don’t want your mystery food.”
“What’s the ‘mystery’ about this? It’s just an onion.”
Alice held out what seemed like a normal onion.
“Three things. First, why? Second, where did you get that? Third, who eats a whole onion by it…self?” Upon closer inspection, the onion appeared to be moving. “I knew it!”
“Mouthwatering, isn’t it?”
“Put it back where it belongs!”
“Well, aren’t you a picky one? I’m sure Haigha’ll appreciate it more.”
What do I do now? The onion looked up at Haigha with puppy-dog eyes.
“Run, little buddy, run!” Haigha, spotting an opportune moment, set it free.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
“IT’S been too long!” Hatta charged headfirst into the bar, the rest following shortly after.
Having regularly sneaked out of the castle to go on adventures with Hatta and Haigha, Alice was accustomed to bars. She went up to the bartender and put in her order like it was second nature.
“How’d you manage to slip out that easy anyways?” Hatta asked. “The entire place must’ve been in mass hysteria… You used that to your advantage, didn’t you?”
“I prepared a decoy too. But even then, I’ve got maybe seven to ten days at most before the jig is up. It used to be so much simpler back in the day, before they tightened security.”
Whose fault do you think that is? Hatta thought, the words stopping short on his tongue in fear of her wrath.
“Those were the days all right. Like that time you pushed me off a cliff, or that time you pushed me into a running river, or that time you pushed me headfirst into a wall, or that time you…you…” Hatta suddenly started feeling sick to his stomach.
“I know your plans for the Demon Lord, but what about Jean? You do plan on rescuing him, right?” Haigha asked to be sure.
“I’m a little conflicted. On the one hand, if he gets turned into a girl and marries the Demon Lord, I get the throne and a foothold in the demonic legion. On the other, it’d be an admission of defeat, and I can’t have that, now can I?”
I wish I hadn’t asked. Haigha dug in, falling silent.
“I’ll sleep on it. For now, let’s just focus on the task at hand—treating the Demon Lord to a knuckle sandwich, courtesy of yours truly. I’m counting on you, Seb.”
“I want out.”
“Once more, if you could.”
“You can count on me, my lady.”
Will they ever stop? Hatta and Haigha thought.