“This is Wonderland’s finest? This girly boy right here? Ha! Could’ve fooled me.”
“I won’t let you lay a f-finger on my little sister you, you monster!”
“Little sister, you say?” The Demon Lord sunk deep into thought.
The palace guard put up an uncharacteristically pitiful display, and one half of her royal guard consists of this fair-faced, effeminate male who can’t even hold back his tears. Something doesn’t feel right…
He looked at the princess. She met his gaze head-on, her stare combative.
The Demon Lord now knew exactly what was off.
“I see… She’s a double. Ha! Thought I’d just take the bait that easily? Give me your name, O knight in shining armor.”
“Jean. What’s it to you—” The Demon Lord swept Jean right off his feet in a feat of unparalleled agility. “L-let go! Let go of me!”
“Those doe eyes, that straight-edged nose, those plump lips, the glimmering golden blond hair… You’re not fooling anyone, Princess Jean.”
“M-Me? P-Princess? I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong per—”
“Despite all odds, she refuses to drop the failed act. How admirable, my wife-to-be.”
“Listen! I’m the prince and that’s my little sister Alice hiding behind our butler.”
“You mean to tell me that’s the princess? He’s got a pretty face, and the dress fits him nicely, I’ll grant you that! But the death glare and aggressive body language lead me to believe otherwise. But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to make sure.” The Demon Lord tucked Jean’s shoulder-length hair behind his ear, softly blowing into it.
“Ahh, not my ear, uuugh…” A shiver ran down Jean’s spine, his cheeks turning bright pink.
“Need I say more? Enough talk! Our wedding ceremony awaits!”
“H-Help! Please!”
Alice was about to charge in, only for Seb to stop her dead in her tracks.
And just like that, the Demon Lord took his triumphant leave.
“It appears we got off scot-free, aside from Prince Jean’s unfortunate kidnapping,” Seb muttered.
“Why? Why him? Is it because he’s cuter than me?” Alice shuddered in defeat.
“Relax…”
“Sure, he’s got a pretty cute face, but I’m a girl and he’s a boy. I win by default, right?”
“Calm down…”
“Why were his cheeks flushed? What were those moaning sounds? Was he trying to entice the Demon Lord? Is he secretly a pervert?”
“Simmer down…”
“He’s cuter than me… Cuter. Than. Me…”
“Deep breaths…”
“No, no, no! I’m cuter! Cuter than some guy, at least! He did it on purpose; he must have! How else could he pick so wrong? I’ll kill him; kill him good; real good! First, I’ll give him a taste of my fist, then my foot, then I’ll chop him up into tiny little pieces! Then finally, I’ll take those pieces and tenderize them till there’s nothing left!
“Breathe in…”
“‘Breathe in,’ he says. Would you shut up already?! A guy beat me at my own game, Seb! A GUY! My purest of pure hearts, torn to pieces!”
“Breathe out…”
“I said SHUT UP!”
Alice yelled, sending shockwaves throughout the palace.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
HAVING taken the time to collect her marbles, Alice could now properly assess the situation at hand.
“Awfully levelheaded, aren’t we?” Alice said to Seb.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Jean just got kidnapped, remember?”
“I was told to protect the princess, not her brother or anyone else.”
“I can respect that. Now make us tea.”
The two sipped on their tea without a care for the trashed room, nor the fact that everyone else was busy collectively losing their heads.
“Didn’t put up much of a fight, now did they? The king’s ‘finest’ men.”
“How could they? The Demon Lord thrives in war while they wouldn’t know the first thing about it.”
“And what about you, Seb? Would you happen to know a thing or two about war?”
“Well, besides mastering every armed martial art there is to master, I spearheaded the Monster Extermination League back in, shall we say, less peaceful times.”
“Never heard of it. Are you by any chance a lot older than you look?”
“Let’s just agree I’m forever twenty-three.”
Seb was an enigmatic fellow. Everything about the man was shrouded in mystery, aside from his name and line of work. However, the crisp suit, the spotless white gloves, and the well-kept black hair all betrayed his fastidious side. He also happened to be tall and quite handsome, all of which made him quite popular with the ladies.
“Regardless, I need you to tell me one thing—can you take on the Demon Lord?”
“Provided it’s a one-on-one fight.”
“Well then, what say we teach this Demon Lord a lesson, you and me?
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“What was that?”
“With pleasure, my lady.”
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
“SO, you do wish to rescue Prince Jean?”
“I couldn’t care less about what befalls Jean’s virginity. I want to introduce the Demon Lord’s face to my fist, nothing more. Besides, he’ll get tossed out the second they realize the ‘he’ part.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. Demons have access to sex change magic, or so I’ve heard. And given Prince Jean’s looks, it’s likely only a matter of time until he’s bearing the Demon Lord’s children.”
“Now that would be a fun sight…but I can’t have a princess cuter than me exist on the same planet, now can I? I suppose we may as well rescue him while we’re at it.”
“With great haste, preferably.”
“Let’s get a move on then, shall we?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Come again?”
“Your orders, my lady.”
Seb—having received his orders—exited the room, leaving Alice all to herself.
Alice slipped into a comfy mini dress, then she went over to the mirror and bunched up her wavy, golden blond, waist-length hair into wavy twintails. Her unique brand of cute easily rivaled that of Jean’s.
She then rustled through her closet—a hodgepodge of deadly weapons like daggers and guns—and stashed anything worthwhile.
Alice was in the middle of stuffing her shoulder bag with the bare essentials when Seb brought in Lilith—one of her servants.
“Yes, my lady?”
“I hear you dream of a simpler life; an endless loop of nothing but eating and sleeping.”
“I, erm…”
“I’ll be gone for a bit, and I need you to put on a dress, eat whatever you’re brought, and sleep like your life depends on it. Whatever you do, do not set a single foot outside this door. If anyone tries to come in, turn on the waterworks, tell them you want to be left alone, anything. Just make them go away.”
“A world where I get to do nothing but eat and sleep?! Count me in!”
Lilith dived into bed without further inquiry, unable to quell her primal urges.
“And that’s about everything. Father’s hyper-fixated on Jean at the moment; that’ll buy us more than enough time. Off we go then. I’m expecting great things from you, Seb.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Through clever use of a secret passageway, the two slipped out of the palace.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
ALICE handed Seb her golden tiara and a hastily scribbled note.
“Sell it, then buy everything on this shopping list.”
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”
“Yes, just make sure to…you know…”
“Go through the black market to avoid tracing and inform the king that it was stolen?”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself. See you at Hatta’s place.”
“I’ll be there in an hour,” Seb said as he disappeared into the shadows.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
ALICE rushed to an item shop on the very edge of the town.
There lived the brother and sister Hatta and Haigha. The three went way back.
Alice swung the door wide open the second she got there.
“Welcome, Prin—Princess?!” The shop boy quickly got down on one knee.
“Make me tea. I’m parched.”
“R-Right away.”
Alice plopped down on a chair in the corner of the room and took a sip of the tea.
“Tastes cheap.”
“S-So, Princess, what brings you to our humble shop? Something to do with the recent attack?”
“Right, I almost forgot. Where’s Hatta and Haigha?”
“Hatta’s at the City of Mirrors and Haigha’s at the Mysterious Forest.”
“Huh, guess we won’t be seeing them around any time soon. Also, a cookie, if you could.”
“C-Certainly.”
I hope she leaves sometime soon, the shop boy thought. But in fact, she did not.
✦ ✦ ✦
❤❤❤
SEB pulled up outside the shop in a coach within the hour.
“Food, water, cookware, blankets; I took care of just about everything, my lady.” He bowed.
“Fine work, as always.”
“I don’t see Hatta or Haigha with you.”
“They’re out. Let’s get going before someone finds us.”
Alice hopped in the coach, and before long, they left town.
“Should I head straight for the Demon Lord’s castle?”
“You said you could take on the Demon Lord provided it’s one-on-one. We need them for this to work. Hatta’s currently at the City of Mirrors and Haigha’s at the Mysterious Forest. Let’s pick them up along the way.”
“City of Mirrors it is then.”
And so, Alice set off on a quest. A quest to knock some sense into the Demon Lord…and maybe rescue Jean if she had the time.