“I want us to date again.”
Soejima-kun, gripping her hand, got a quiet nod from Kusunoki-san.
After confirming Kusunoki-san’s nod, Soejima-kun’s gaze slowly moved toward me. When I responded to Soejima-kun’s gaze, which seemed to confirm his success, with a smile, the corners of Soejima-kun’s mouth slightly curved upward. Seeing that expression, I was sure. Everything had gone well. Soejima-kun’s relationship was reconciled, and I would come back to life…
Ah, I see. The squeezing feeling in my heart must be because I’m sad to say goodbye to Soejima-kun.
In an attempt to calm myself down, I took a deep breath and checked my own body.
I had expected the situation to change dramatically now that the relationship was reconciled, but my body remained standing in the health room without change.
In the face of my body, which showed no sign of change, I panicked and turned my gaze to Soejima-kun. He must have been thinking the same thing as me—that a change would come immediately. A hint of confusion seeped into his eyes.
“Hajime, it hurts.”
“Ah… sorry.”
Startled by Kusunoki-san’s voice, Soejima-kun abruptly let go of the hand he had been holding.
My mind was in chaos. I had just reconciled their relationship. I was supposed to be able to return to my original body once I connected their fates, so why…
Kusunoki-san checked her right hand, which Soejima-kun had let go of, with her left hand, then asked, “Hey, would you go home with me today?”
With confusion still lingering in his eyes, Soejima-kun gave a small nod. Upon seeing this, Kusunoki-san flashed a bright smile.
Soejima-kun made eye contact with me in my state of confusion and flicked his gaze toward the door. That was a sign for us to go outside.
“I’m going back to class. Kusunoki, you should rest a bit more.”
Saying this to Kusunoki-san, Soejima-kun left the infirmary. I followed behind him.
Once we were outside, facing each other in the empty hallway, Soejima-kun opened his mouth, seemingly perplexed.
“Does this mean… We didn’t tie our fates together…?”
Seeing Soejima-kun’s dark, hardened expression, I felt sad. He was making such a face at a happy moment when he should be celebrating his reunion with the person he loved.
“Maybe things are just ambiguous for now. I’m sure the relationship will be fully reconciled soon.”
I tried to show him a bright smile. However, no smile was returned from Soejima-kun. He seemed to be about to say something, but then he closed his mouth. We could hear the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs near the infirmary.
Maybe the situation would change as time went on.
Such faint hope turned out to be vain. Even after school, I remained a half-spirit.
When it was time to leave school, I told Soejima-kun that I would go home early to avoid being a hindrance to him and Kusunoki-san. Soejima-kun fixed his gaze on me. “When I get home, let’s watch the foreign drama we talked about last time.”
This was the first time Soejima-kun had said something like this. It felt as if he was asking me not to disappear silently, and it shook my heart.
I left the school alone. The tree-lined street I walked down every day, the train platform, the train, the familiar route from the nearest station to our house. No one paid any attention to me. I was invisible. Nothing had changed.
Feeling depressed by my unchanging state as a half-spirit, I stopped walking.
“Please… God… Show yourself…”
Even as I murmured in supplication, the listless god did not appear.
Upon arriving home, I slipped through the entrance of the old man’s house, where no lights were on.
The house, the absence of Soejima-kun and Fuyu, the pitch black darkness. Soejima-kun had always turned on lights throughout the house for me. He had been considerate enough to ensure I wasn’t in darkness, in the guest room, or in the corridor.
While waiting for Soejima-kun to return, I found myself frequently glancing at the clock in the living room.
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the dimly visible hands of the clock moved on to seven, nine, and even past ten, yet Soejima-kun did not return.
The alternating thoughts that he might still be with Kusunoki-san and the fear that something might have happened kept me restless. Unpleasant thoughts skimmed through my mind.
What if the old man I had met in the hospital room during the final phase could see me?
What if Fuyu not returning had something to do with the fact that I was becoming invisible to her and Soejima-kun?
I, who had been holding my knees, stood up and went outside from the entrance.
I considered going to look for Soejima-kun. However, nothing came to mind when I thought about where he might have gone.
After school, other than stopping by various libraries, Soejima-kun would go straight home and look up information about the accident for me. The only image I had of him was him tirelessly searching for ways to bring the half-spirit back to its original body.
Unable to do anything, I stood idly at the entrance and looked up at the night sky. It looked beautifully clear and bluish-white, as if extremely cold.
“… Yuu?”
When I turned my face, Soejima-kun was there, with a face asking, “What are you doing?”
“Why are you outside in this cold…”
As he began to say this, Soejima-kun made a face as if he remembered something.
“Oh, right. You can’t feel the temperature, can you?”
As he said this with white breath, Soejima-kun looked at the school uniform I was wearing. In contrast to Soejima-kun, who was wearing a gray scarf and a coat, I was lightly dressed in a sailor suit. As I nodded in response to Soejima-kun’s words, I looked away.
I swallowed the question that came to mind. What were you doing? I wasn’t family. I might not even be a friend. I knew I was not in a position to ask such a thing.
At the end of my lowered gaze were Soejima-kun’s sneakers.
Although it wasn’t raining, Soejima-kun’s sneakers were muddy. Looking closely, I noticed mud on his uniform trousers as well.
Soejima-kun, noticing my gaze, spoke.
“Ah, this… I slipped a little.” Soejima-kun laughed in a self-deprecating manner.
“After I dropped off Kusunoki at her home, I went to the long stairs of the Death God’s Mansion.”
I looked up in surprise.
“I couldn’t find anything that might serve as a clue, though…”
A hint of regret seeped into Soejima-kun’s voice.
“Why… go that far…”
My own voice was trembling. I bit my lip. Soejima-kun’s kindness was making my chest hurt.
After all, I can’t do anything. I can only bring him misfortune.
“It would have been better if you hadn’t found me at the long stairs of the Death God’s Mansion…”
“Eh?”
“If you hadn’t found me, you wouldn’t have gotten involved in such a troublesome matter.”
The self-deprecating words slipped out.
“Actually, I had a slight memory of my past. A childhood memory, probably. It seemed like a boy in my class didn’t like me. I’m not someone who is liked by others. I’m not… someone for whom Soejima-kun should go all out.”
Like a flood, self-deprecating words overflowed from my trembling lips and echoed in the silent residential area. The memory of the past that I didn’t want Soejima-kun to know, and that I couldn’t bring myself to tell.
Even though I was determined to face the past, there was always fear in the corner of my mind.
In truth, the reason I couldn’t regain my memories might be that I didn’t want to know what kind of person I was.
“Sometimes I think…” In the silence, Soejima-kun whispered.
“Maybe you’re just an illusion that I created.”
I was puzzled by Soejima-kun’s words.
“I was fed up with reality, thinking nothing good would happen from here on. So I thought maybe that was why you appeared. It’s strange, isn’t it?”
Soejima-kun, laughing as if mocking himself, took a deep breath and said in a resolute tone, “I want to know. I want to be sure that you’re not an illusion. That you are a real person. I want to believe you exist and are not just a spirit.”
Soejima-kun’s words pierced the dark feelings that filled my mind. Keeping my lips clenched as if to suppress the warming emotions, I said in a choked voice, “Probably only you, Soejima-kun, would say such a thing.”
The boy, not missing a word of my mumbling, chuckled slightly.
The round moon hanging in the clear, blueish-white night sky illuminated my body.
My consciousness was still here; my feelings were still swaying.
It’s not over yet. Is there still something I can do?