Misao’s nerves no longer controlled the rest of his body, as if a poison were gradually spreading through him. He realized he was staring at his knees. When had he done that? A shadow fell over them and camel-colored legs entered his vision before kneeling beside him.
“Do you feel sick?”
Masaomi’s voice was filled with concern. Misao rolled his eyes up from his knees as far as Masaomi’s chest.
He was wearing a dark brown vest.
That very morning Misao had awoken on that chest; but now it seemed impossibly far away.
It was like waking from a dream.
“Misao?”
Masaomi stroked Misao’s right cheek with the back of his fingers and Misao’s eyes trembled.
He reached out timidly to touch the man’s vest. He felt the solidity of the man’s chest beneath the costly fabric.
Misao leaned forward slightly.
He rested a cheek against the man’s chest, and Masaomi held Misao’s head against him.
Why did he feel like crying? This was a feeling totally unlike the emotions that had filled him upon seeing the raging expanse of the sea.
“You can lie down inside,” Masaomi said kindly. But at the same moment, they heard Kazushi call out to Masaomi uncomfortably from behind them.
Misao held his breath and pushed instantly away from the chest he had taken refuge in. In contrast to Misao’s flurry, Masaomi showed no signs of embarrassment. He looked down the hall with his normally calm expression.
Kazushi was crouching in the hall, his hands on his knees and his head bowed.
“I’m sorry for all these interruptions. Someone has insisted on seeing Misao briefly.”
“What? You mean he has to go to another room?”
Masaomi frowned.
Misao realized that he had still not properly explained to Masaomi what it was he did at the Oumi Tea House. But this didn’t seem like a good time to start.
“It’s Katsuragi, isn’t it? Why does he want to see me again after he gave me permission to go?” Misao asked angrily.
“Well, you see,” Kazushi began weakly, his lips twisting. “He just told me to bring you back at once. He said that if you didn’t come back, he would go home.”
Misao realized Katsuragi had outsmarted him.
He would let him taste the empty promise of being with Masaomi, then pull him away. That had been his plan all along.
Misao knew that even now, Katsuragi was chuckling at how perfectly it had worked out.
“I can’t believe that man,” Misao muttered hatefully as he began to rise.
He suddenly felt Masaomi’s hand gripping his arm.
Masaomi didn’t seem to believe that he could actually stop him, but his lips parted slightly and hesitation shone in his eyes. Masaomi’s face was clouded and disconsolate as he stared at Misao.
“Are you going?”
There was the shadow of an accusation in his question and Misao dropped his eyes sorrowfully to his arm. He laid his hand gently over Masaomi’s as it held onto him.
Don’t ask me that...
“You won’t go home if I don’t stay with you, will you, Masaomi?” he teased quietly.
Misao felt the trembling that Masaomi tried to hide through his grip on his arm.
He pressed his lips tightly together.
After all, Masaomi’s interest in Oumi Tea House lay in Ukigumonot Misao.
“Manager”
Following close on Kazushi’s whisper came the rasping sound of socks shuffling over the wooden floor of the hall. When Misao turned to look, she was standing behind him.
“I’m very sorry, we’re having some problems tonight.”
Gikuyo smoothed her kimono as she dropped to her knees. Masaomi sat up a little straighter at this and put his hands on either side of his hips, then bowed profusely.
“I’ve been making so many selfish demands of you the past several days.”
“Would you like for me to attend you?” Gikuyo asked with a seductive smile.
Kazushi came up beside Misao and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was time to go.
“Misao”
Misao stood and was turning to walk away when Masaomi called to him, turning his single-minded gaze onto him.
“I want you to come see me whenever you can.”
Misao pressed his lips together firmly and nodded. He wanted so badly to linger, but he turned his back and forced himself to walk down the hall. Kazushi followed after, then came up beside him. He drew his mouth close to Misao’s ear, forcing a hesitant grin.
“I’ve never seen such a docile performance from you.”
“What does that mean?” Misao muttered back, neither stopping nor turning to look at him.
Kazushi gave a short laugh.
“Don’t be coy. I saw how you were clinging to him.”
Misao stopped suddenly and Kazushi turned to look at him curiously. As he stared at Misao, his mouth dropped open.
Normally, Misao would have deflected such jeering with a snort or some other impudent gesture. So Kazushi must have been shocked to see him now, looking so vulnerable, barely keeping his anger in check. Kazushi gaped at Misao, who looked so ashamed, but suddenly seemed to think of something. He whispered very low, “You’re joking, right? I’m not laughing.”
“I don’t care if you laugh or not,” Misao shot back awkwardly, then turned to go. But Kazushi caught his shoulder and turned him back around to face him. He berated Misao harshly with the force of the gesture.
“Are you stupid? Quit babbling! That guy’s about to join the courtesan’s entourage tonight! Where do you think you are?”
“Don’t you think I know that!” Misao shouted, not letting him finish.
Kazushi looked into Misao’s face as he struggled against his pain, and he choked himself off.
Silence fell between them.
“I know it.”
Misao’s voice was so thin that it seemed to disappear in the strains of a song they heard through the walls. He held his upper arm, squeezing the same place that Masaomi had held only moments before.
Kazushi let out a sigh that seemed to say everything and patted Misao on the back. “Anyway, right now you have to go back to Katsuragi.”
His voice was kind and soothing. Kazushi picked up two trays that had been set out in the hall and balanced them on his shoulders, returning to work. Misao, left alone now, turned unenthusiastically toward Seno’o’s room, where Katsuragi waited.
The doors were all thrown open and Katsuragi had an apprentice girl on either side of him laughingly filling his cup.
Misao stood menacingly over the tray. Katsuragi glanced up at him as he knocked back his drink, a cruel smile on his face. Look at the entertainment I managed to find, he seemed to say. Misao gazed into his face and quietly spit his words out. “I hope you die.”
The girls’ eyes widened in shock.