Chapter 12

9 I Can’t Be Part of Your Family It was the next morning… “Mifu, hey, Mifu, wanna do matching hairstyles today?” Nitori suggested after we finished breakfast. “What, pigtails? You think I could pull those off?” “Of course you can! We’ve got the same face, silly.” Nitori cackled as I almost spit out my milk. “Please don’t match hairstyles. It’ll just make things more confusing.” Ichika gave a playful shrug as she carried the dishes to the sink. “You might be different on the inside, but you two resemble each other the most. People won’t be able to tell you apart.” “That’s why it would be fun!” Nitori laughed, undeterred, and lifted her pigtails to show them off. The two of them were acting like the previous day had never happened. If anything, they seemed even more upbeat than usual. Maybe they were trying to cheer me up because they saw how worried I was about the letter? “Actually, what if all four of us did the same hairstyle?” “Everyone in pigtails?!” I was even more confused. “Yeah! Wouldn’t that be hilarious? Right, Shizu?” As she said that, the atmosphere froze, and everything went quiet. Without a word, Shizuki gave a shake of her head, her loose black hair swaying gently. She hadn’t worn her matching hair clip even once. She was as quiet as ever, almost never starting a conversation on her own. “…” Seeing my sisters’ faces cloud over filled my heart with worry, too. I’d believed that time would soften her distant attitude…but what if she’d be like this forever? “I’m sorry. I’ll be home late tonight. Please eat dinner without me.” Shizuki sent us a text after school. Nitori and I were already home, and we looked at each other. “What’s up with Shizu? She’s not even in any clubs, is she?” “N-no, I don’t think so…” She’d never been so late that she missed dinner before. “I’m home. We’re having curry tonight—Mifu’s favorite.” While we were puzzling it out, Ichika came home smiling brightly, a bag of groceries in hand, but her expression turned anxious immediately when we told her about Shizuki. Drained, we sank down on the cushions in the living room. “How can we get closer to Shizu? I’ve really been feeling the distance lately. Would it help if we had a serious talk, I wonder?” Nitori’s words made Ichika frown and look to the floor. “Come to think of it…there was a girl like Shizuki at the facility.” “Really? You know how we can get through to her, then?” Nitori’s face lit up, but Ichika slowly shook her head. “I’m sure Shizuki…isn’t being like that on purpose. She probably has her reasons for not opening up. It’s different for each person…and we won’t know until she tells us.” Reasons for not opening up… I wondered if it was something we couldn’t fix, no matter how hard we tried. I wanted to ask her. I wanted her to tell me what they were. But… “Even just asking…might upset her, right?” I asked. Ichika nodded. “But if she stays like this forever, it’s just sad. Shizu always seems like she’s holding herself back… Yesterday, I asked her to take a bath with me, and she said, ‘No thank you, I’ll go in alone.’” “Oh, she turned me down the other day, too.” “You too, Mifu?” When we first started living together, we’d agreed to bathe together as much as we could. Nitori had said, “Bathing together means bonding,” and Ichika approved because “it’ll save on the gas bill.” But Shizuki hadn’t taken a bath with any of us… “Sigh… What do we do?” Nitori hung her head, and I clammed up. Ichika hesitated, then continued: “I think…it’s probably something Shizuki herself has no control over. She’s always alone at school, and it doesn’t seem like she has any friends. Do you know what she said the other day when I asked her about it?” Ichika paused for a moment, then added in a hushed tone, “She said, ‘I decided not to make friends.’” “…!” The living room had been quiet before, but now you could hear a pin drop. “Then it got me thinking… When Shizuki says ‘friends,’ does she mean us?” “We…we’re family, aren’t we?!” I shouted without thinking, surprised. “That’s right.” Ichika looked out past the outdoor hallway, at the now-tidy garden that had once been overrun with weeds. That was Shizuki’s handiwork. We were related by blood, living under the same roof, attending the same school, and splitting up the chores fairly. No matter how you looked at it…we were family. But… “I think we should quietly watch over her for now.” “I hate not being able to do anything.” “Mifu, what do you think we should do?” “Oh yeah, you got any ideas?” “Um, er…” This time, I couldn’t think of an idea that would appease them both. What should we do? I desperately racked my brain… Ding! All three of our phones went off at once. “One new email from the Independent Living Practice Plan Executive Committee: this week’s independence mission.” “…We get a task now?” To be honest, this isn’t really the time…! I thought, opening the email anyway. “Independence mission: wear matching items as a foursome.” “Matching…” Everyone silently stared at the email. I couldn’t hear their thoughts, but I was sure my sisters were thinking about what had happened this morning. We wished Shizuki would wear her hair clip, too. “Let’s try it out. It might change something,” I said boldly. “That’s right! Let’s give her a chance.” “Nothing’ll change if we just sit back and watch.” Nitori and Ichika slowly lifted their heads. “First, why don’t we start by asking Shizuki what she likes?” “That’s a good idea. Come to think of it, we don’t know a single thing she enjoys.” “Exactly. That’ll make for an easy conversation topic, and the more we talk, the closer we can get.” “I’m sure she’ll even put on her matching hair clip!” We all nodded vigorously, our three identical faces looking at one another. I didn’t know if it would work, but we’d give it a shot—for our sweet little sister. The next morning. “Hey, Shizuki, we have yogurt for dessert today.” Ichika took four linked yogurt cups out of the fridge. There were various flavors: strawberry, blueberry, peach, and plain. We were always trying to save money, but we’d splurged a bit on the yogurt. “Shizu, which do you like? Pick any one you want!” Nitori held out the yogurt to let Shizuki choose first, but… “…I’m fine with anything,” Shizuki mumbled vacantly, looking down. “Don’t be shy. You can have whichever one you like, Shizuki.” “Yeah, Shizuki. Take the one you want most.” Ichika and I smiled at her. “Really…um… I’m fine with anything,” she said. She was stubborn. It was like the kinder we were, the more she retreated into herself. I wished I could stick with her a little more and keep trying, but the hectic morning made it difficult. “I’ll take strawberry, then.” Nitori nabbed it like it was a race. “Oh…then I’ll have peach.” And Ichika took the peach flavor. “Er, um, ah…” I hesitated. “Th-then…I’ll take plain,” I muttered weakly, glancing at Shizuki. This was no good. Next time, I’d try talking to her myself…! The next day, when I came home from school, I found my chance right away. “I’m home. Oh, I’m so hungry. Do we have any snacks?” “We have some mini donuts.” This was it! I grabbed the box of donuts off the shelf in the dining room. “Shizuki, we’re gonna snack on some mini donuts. Do you want chocolate or plain?” I offered them to Shizuki first, but… “Either is fine,” Shizuki said, looking uneasy, and slunk back into her room. “I’m fine.” “I’m fine with anything.” “Either is fine.” I did understand why she’d answer that way. I’d been like that, too, back when I lived at Kanro… I didn’t want to be seen as a difficult kid, a selfish kid, a kid who was too opinionated. I didn’t want to be disliked and lose the one place I belonged. Even when I had a preference, I’d wind up saying, “I’m fine with anything.” But she could speak her mind here. We were family. And you couldn’t ever lose your place in a family, right? That was why I wanted her to say, “I like this,” or “I don’t like that,” flat out. It felt like the first step in becoming family. That night, after we finished dinner, Nitori called out in a loud voice as if on cue: “How about some TV? Shizu, you can choose the channel. What do you want to watch?” “I’m…okay with anything.” “Don’t be like that—here!” Nitori took Shizuki’s hand and firmly pressed the remote into it. Whoa, wasn’t that a little pushy? Maybe that kind of push was what we needed, though. C’mon, click a button, Shizuki…! That would be her first step into our family. We held our breath and waited. Shizuki stared at the remote in her hand, looking confused. “Um…I’m really fine with anything,” she muttered like always and handed the remote back to Nitori. Another failure. I let out a small sigh. Then… Wham! …Nitori slammed the remote control down violently. “Enough already!” Nitori shouted. “Why don’t you ever say what’s on your mind, Shizu? We’re family!” “Stop it!” Ichika immediately stepped in. Then she addressed Shizuki, speaking in a firm but gentle tone. “Listen, Shizuki, you don’t have to hold back. It’s okay to say what you think. We’re your sisters. We came here to be a family and learn how to live independently.” Shizuki’s eyes opened wide.