I wanted to ask Wataya out on a date. We’d been together for almost two weeks. During that time, we’d exchanged some texts, chatted as usual, and talked a couple of times at the library after class.
Maybe I should have been satisfied with that. Maybe I shouldn’t have hoped for more. But I wanted to try going out somewhere fun together. I wanted to talk about what we saw or felt while we were out. I wanted to see all kinds of places with her. Perhaps that feeling was what people referred to when they said they wanted to date. That they wanted to experience all kinds of things with a partner.
“So, would you like to go on a date?” I finally asked one day after searching for her on campus. She was sitting on a half-hidden bench near the administrative building.
“A date?”
She was probably confused because I hadn’t bothered to say hello.
“Um, yes.”
“With who?”
“With you.”
“Me and who?”
“Me.”
“Will do what?”
“Go on a date.”
“With who?”
“With you.”
“Me and who?”
“Me.”
We went through that same conversation about three more times. At some point, I realized she was teasing me, but she was the one who gave up and stopped first.
“You’re an honest fool. That’s not a bad thing, though,” she said, smiling. I smiled, too, embarrassed.
“Anyway, are you free next Saturday or Sunday?” I asked. An apologetic expression then came to her face.
“Sorry. There’s something I always have to do on the weekends. I…don’t think that will work.”
My stomach roiled nervously. What was this thing she did on weekends? Was it related to the reason she wanted nothing more than a pretend relationship with me?
“Oh…okay. Do you mind if I ask what you have to do?”
“I have a high school friend who I get together with. She’s attending a test prep school right now, and I help her with her studies on the weekends. It doesn’t happen every week, though, so I like to keep my schedule free for her if I can.”
A high school friend. I felt reassured by that. I’d heard something along those lines from our mutual friend. He’d said Wataya was still very close with that girl, and they often hung out. I wondered what she was like. Wataya had mentioned a test prep school, but I was genuinely curious to know more. I couldn’t help asking.
“What kind of person is she?”
“What kind of person? Well, she’s extremely cute. She has long hair, and she’s very feminine. But she’s not conceited. She’s never two-faced, and she’s got a good personality… Unlike me, she’s the type that everyone likes.”
She looked a little down. I might have been wrong, but that was how it seemed to me.
“You’re pretty attractive yourself,” I said immediately, maybe because I didn’t like to see her looking dejected. “Everyone thinks you’re remarkable, and I think they’d like to talk to you more if they could. But since you’re so beautiful… I think everyone has a bit of a crush on you. Um, anyway…”
I realized I’d just said something fairly embarrassing. Wataya looked surprised, but a moment later, her expression softened.
“You don’t have to worry about my feelings,” she said.
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“People see the world through a filter. Your filter is pure, I think. Although it might have a few too many blind spots.”
They do say that love is blind, but I don’t think that means my vision was clouded.
It was true that the other university students saw her as someone special. Because of her looks, but also because of her personality. Especially people in her year. On the surface, she seemed to do whatever she wanted, but the truth was, she constantly thought about others. I think she was unusually sensitive. She understood the subtleties of other people’s feelings, and when she was with them, she tried to keep them in high spirits by laughing and smiling even if she had to force herself.
Several days before, a classmate had come up to her when the two of us were talking. She seemed happy while she chatted with them, and she made them laugh. After they left, I commented that she could get along with anyone. She grinned self-deprecatingly.
“I’m afraid of people, so I get along with them on a superficial level to make sure I’m not disliked,” she said.
Just then, Wataya raised her eyebrows like she’d revealed something she shouldn’t have. She tried to gloss over it by saying, “Just kidding!” I felt closer to her, having heard her true thoughts and seen her humanlike weakness. My feelings for her were growing. But if I admitted that to her, she might break things off by saying I’d broken the rule she set.
After thinking this over, I said, “As your boyfriend, I see your best side. It doesn’t have anything to do with a filter.”
If I couldn’t say I was falling for her, I could at least express my admiration for her.
“I always want to know more about you. That’s why I want to take you on a date… Although of course it’s fine if you need to prioritize your plans with your friend.”
She gave me another startled look. After a moment, it turned into a wry smile.
“I swear, Naruse…”
She looked up at the sky like she was trying to make up her mind. Then she gave me a smile of resignation and stood up from the bench.
“The weekend won’t work, but tonight does.”
“What? You mean…”
“Let’s go on a date. There just happens to be a movie I want to see.”
Whatever it is you’re wishing for, if you don’t let yourself wish for it, it won’t come true. That’s obvious, and I know it’s true.
Lucky for me, Wataya and I were going on a date that night. After our classes ended, we met in the library and walked to the subway. Maybe because I was so nervous, the ride was over before I knew it. There was a fancy high-rise outside the terminal station downtown, with a movie theater on one of the top floors. On the lower levels is an atrium with marble floors and lots of fancy shops.
“I feel like I’m on a date,” I mumbled as I looked out from the elevator going up to the theater.
“You are on a date,” Wataya said.