On their first date, Tooru and Maori went to a park known for its cherry blossoms. It was the second Saturday after they started going out, in early summer. Maori asked me for advice, but I didn’t go with them. After that date, something changed.
Tooru learned about Maori’s amnesia. And he had asked her not to write it down in her diary that he knew. He said he’d requested this because he didn’t want Maori to be weighed down by that knowledge in the future.
At the time, I didn’t know that. I was fenced in by all the things I didn’t know. But when I think back on it, it makes sense. Starting the week after their date, Tooru’s attitude toward Maori clearly changed.
I’d pegged him as somewhat cold, like I was.
But there he was, fixing a bike abandoned at the school bike-parking area so Maori could ride it.
To make her happy, he started to fulfill each and every one of her wishes. He pedaled as fast as he could down an abandoned country road while she sat on the cargo rack.
He was supposed to be a guy who never did anything crazy or reckless. He read novels, kept the house clean, brewed pots of tea, and kept quiet. He planned to be a bureaucrat when he graduated. That was the kind of practical life he lived.
But to make Maori happy, to fill her diaries with happy memories, he did outrageous things. He lived for her.
She smiled when she was with him. And not just her; he smiled, too. They began to walk a path toward love.
Their second real date was at the aquarium on the weekend. I tagged along for that one. I had noticed the change in Tooru and suspected he knew her secret. But by a strange coincidence, I learned his secret on that day, too.
We planned to meet by the clock tower outside the terminal station downtown. There was a big bookstore in a building attached to the station, and I stopped there before we were supposed to meet up. A sign read Book launch and signing with Keiko Nishikawa, Akutagawa Prize–nominated author. To my surprise, the author, who had been nominated for the prestigious prize for the first time, was going to be at the store.
I left the shop and walked to the clock tower. A few minutes later, Tooru showed up, looking slightly unsettled. Maori hadn’t arrived yet. Since I knew he liked Nishikawa’s books, I told him about the signing.
“Keiko Nishikawa is my sister,” he said. It was the first I’d heard about his sister, who was six years older than him.
After his mother died, she’d taken care of him. She handled all the housework, as their father had become detached from reality from the shock of his wife’s death. But Tooru’s sister had a gift for writing. So much so that she was named a finalist for a famous literary prize while still in her teens. For the sake of Tooru and their father, however, she abandoned her dream of becoming a novelist.
But Tooru encouraged her to continue writing. He told his sister that if she taught him how to cook and run the household by the time he started high school, he would take over everything, including looking after their father. He set her free. Because of that, she was able to move out and live her own life, eventually winning the Akutagawa nomination.
“Well, these things happen,” I told him. “You go see her; don’t worry about us.”
He said he’d stopped by the bookstore before they were to meet up, not knowing about the event, and had been reunited with his sister. Since they couldn’t talk much during the signing, he’d promised to meet her after she was done.
“Don’t worry. I’ll cover for you with Maori. And thanks for the bento! Do you mind if I tell her your sister is Keiko Nishikawa?”
“Of course not. She’s not the type to gossip. Besides, she’s my girlfriend.”
“Your girlfriend… Yeah. At first, I thought you two were dating as a joke or something. You’ve been really stepping up lately. I can tell you’re trying to make her happy. Although, to me, you seem to be trying a little too hard.”
Tooru had made a bento for all three of us to eat at the aquarium. After I took it from him, I tried to probe him. I thought he might have known about Maori’s amnesia. We stared at each other in the middle of the crowd.
“Don’t tell Hino this,” he said before continuing in a serious tone. “I’m in love with her. Maybe that seems obvious, but I truly do love her. If there’s something I can do to help her, I want to do it. That sounds arrogant. But I want to make her happy if I can.”
The look in his eyes was different from when we’d first met. They were filled with his earnest feelings toward Maori. I felt that keenly.
“Why can’t I tell her?” I asked.
“Because I’m embarrassed about it, obviously.”
“You don’t seem like the type to be embarrassed, Kamiya… You know about Maori, don’t you?”
I looked him straight in the eye, trying to understand his true intentions. He stared back at me, his eyes still and unwavering.
“Yes, I know.”
“How do you know? She didn’t tell you, did she?”
“Yes, she told me. But I asked her not to write it down in her binder or her journal. Today’s Hino…doesn’t know that I know about her memory loss.”
I was shocked. He smiled faintly.
“You better not tell her I know,” he said, and walked off toward the bookstore. Maori showed up a short while later.
I told her about his sister, then headed for the aquarium. We walked around inside while we waited for him.
By that time, my immature fear that Tooru would steal her from me was gone. I easily separated my inner circle from everyone else. Before that day, Tooru was on the outside. We hung out, but my wariness toward him didn’t fade. That changed the day we went to the aquarium.
The fact that he knew about her amnesia and was trying to make her happy changed the way I viewed him. Without fully realizing it, I had let him into my inner circle.
Gradually, I started enjoying the time the three of us spent together. On another weekend, we went to an amusement park together. During summer break, the three of us watched the live broadcast of the Akutagawa Prize announcements. We celebrated together when Keiko Nishikawa won.
We were a threesome. There was a powerful, deeply satisfying joy in that. But I might have been the only one who felt that way. Day by day, Tooru and Maori were becoming more like a pair. Maybe it’s a strange thing to say, but that’s how it felt to me. My sense of us being a group weakened. Maori was happy as long as Tooru was there, and Tooru was happy as long as Maori was there. But that was to be expected. They were a couple.
When they told me they were going to see the fireworks on the last day of summer vacation, I said they should go ahead without me. I’d bought a yukata, thinking the three of us might go to a festival together sometime. To be completely honest, I was looking forward to it a little. But I wasn’t needed. I would only get in their way because they were bonded by love. I was only Friend A, the heroine’s best friend. Just a girl inexperienced in love and feeling the first stirrings of romantic interest in Tooru—although the feeling was so faint at that point, I didn’t even notice it.
I spent the night of the festival alone in my condo. From the window, I could see the fireworks in the neighboring district exploding like tiny sparks. Although it was silly, I had put on my yukata and gazed at the fireworks by myself.
I knew the two must be watching them from up close. They were probably holding hands, experiencing it together as a couple. As I thought about them, I sensed that summer was ending. I was seventeen.