“I can’t. I can’t rewind someone whose death has already been decided. I only rewound you a little because it would have been more fun to watch if you were healthy and moving around. In the end, you’ll be eaten by us. That’s already been decided.” Torii put up her right arm, and stroked the surface of it. The arm, which should have been broken, had probably been restored by rewinding.
“I don’t like pain... So I temporarily rewound this girl,” the TV girl explained. “I wanted to talk to you, after all. In order to do that I had to borrow this girl’s body, or rather, her brain, because it’s impossible if I don’t borrow her capacity for language. Once I’m done, I’m going to put her back to the instant she dies. You could say she’s already dead, and I can’t overturn that.” It was a clear refusal. I had no choice but to be dejected. Even if I threw a fit here, these transcendental beings probably wouldn’t empathize and save them, even on a whim.
They’re predators, and we’re food, so I can’t demand something as if I’m important. I should probably just be thankful that I can talk with her like this, because there aren’t many humans that would talk to a bug with love. She’s just talking one-sidedly, and making it look like a dialogue. No matter how hard I will it, the tale being shown on the TV screen won’t change.
There was that kind of separation. There was a distance, and I didn’t have the means to cross over it. There’s a part of me that can’t give up, but I did feel that it would be fruitless. No matter how much a bug cries, humans would probably only scowl.
“It’s already decided who will eat who,” TV girl explained. “This girl is mine. The others are for someone else to eat. I can’t do as I like to someone else’s food.” “You’re all, what? By the others, you mean— like that giant monkey, and that slug?” Those monsters that looked like a fusion of living thing and TV, and that shared a similar aura. A strange ecosystem that I can’t understand seems to have been formed in this alternate dimension.
Torii must have gotten tired of talking; she didn’t even try to hide her annoyed behavior. “Nnn~... the ‘Winged Bug’ is in charge of ‘Mishiro Kousuke,’ over there. The ‘Slug’ is in charge of that, you know, ‘Kurashima Yuudai.’ The ‘Monkey’ has ‘Kagamimori Utena.’ Everybody has their own meal. That was the agreement. I’m in charge of this one, ‘Saba Torii.’”
I was convinced by that explanation. Kurashima said that the monsters that were a combination of TV and living thing, were low on intelligence, and were like obedient pets that would listen to orders. But he’s wrong, it’s the opposite; those monsters were in charge of each of us, and they were moving us around, playing.
They weren’t listening to our orders— they were amused by them, and had decided to grant our wishes. Like a person going, ‘You’re hopeless,’ as he drips honey for a hungry bug. If we went too far or soured their mood, they’d probably have crushed us without mercy. In other words, they were playing with us and pitting us against each other. They treated us like chess pieces, moving us by provoking us in different ways... They were playing, and just happened to help us as a result. They fiddled with us for fun, and watched and laughed at us as we moved around in confusion.
The monsters were higher up on the ladder. It’s not like I was given an explanation about that, though. It’s all stuff that we guessed at after searching around on our own. Well, apart from Kousuke and Kurashima... We had no way of knowing that there were players moving us. Of course, we hadn’t even imagined that we were being used.
But, if I’m remembering correctly, that giant monkey listened to Utena. It was because that thing was in charge of her. When she screamed for it to stop, it stopped its assault on Torii, no matter how reluctantly. And the reason it attacked her in the first place, was because Utena expressed her displeasure at Torii for hugging her while they slept, and she wished for her to disappear, I guess. Somehow, the pieces are falling into place.
Even Kousuke and Kurashima had never imagined the ghastly plan that was happening, and only got as far as thinking of the monsters as something that would listen to them. Aside from those boys, who enjoyed these game-like aspects, we girls hadn’t come close to figuring it out, either.
That we were only food, playthings, and insects. I didn’t want to imagine it, much less know.
“But— TV girl, you’re in charge of Torii-san, right? Why were you always watching me...?” That was something I was a little stuck on; I don’t remember the TV girl being that proactively involved in playing with us. That’s why Torii, who she was supposed to be in charge of, was left alone with no protection at all. She was hit by another player, the monkey, and heavily wounded.
“I don’t really like this boy’s game.” The monster wearing Torii’s face played with her fingers, looking bored. “More than that, it was more fun to watch you. Although it was only at the level where it wasn’t boring... You weren’t supposed to be here in the first place, after all.”
What’s that supposed to mean? Unable to figure out what she meant, I was confused.
“The other ones are all dead,” TV girl said. “That’s why they came to this world. But you aren’t dead at all, yet. However, something got mixed up, and you came here with them. Sometimes, that sort of thing happens... Were you close by when the others died?”
Aahh, I sighed. What the heck? I really was someone completely unrelated. From Kousuke and Kurashima’s stories, the other girls were there, but there had been no mention of me. I just happened to have been Kousuke’s childhood friend, and also from the same school as the others.
From the perspective of connection, I was apart. That was because I really was unrelated from the start. Because I was in my home, which was right next to the shrine where the fire was, I got caught in it...and just found myself in this alternate dimension. The fact that I cried, got hurt, and found myself in tatters seems stupid now.
Once again, I can feel laughter welling out of me. The monster twisted her lips into the form of a smile, like it was imitating me. “That’s why you can go back to your world,” she told me, “because no one is in charge of you.”
At those words, I stopped my laughter and looked up at her. I can go back? I can escape, from this dimension? “The boys were saying that the last one alive after they all kill each other... That the winner would get you as a prize, that was the plan. They were all excited. But if they eat two, then their stomachs won’t hold, and I feel sorry for you, too.” She said something that was unlike a monster, probably on a whim.
That logic had a child’s innocence to it. There were parts that were hard to understand, but I didn’t think that way. She simply took pity on an insect that had gotten caught in a trap, even though it had nothing to do with it... It was like trying to quietly let one of the insects out of the cage.
“The boys will probably complain. But the only ones alive right now are the girl I’m in charge of, and that Kurashima guy the snail is in charge of. Well, that guy is the one closer to death... After this, I’m going to control this girl and kill him.” She talked like it was a chore. “And then it’ll be my win. As the winner, what I do with my prize is up to me; both to eat or to let free. That’s why I’ll let you go, and you’ll be able to get out of here.” The girl hit one of the TVs near her lightly, with her palm; static ran across its screen. It showed a small, bare room that reminded me of the control room. It’s an unfamiliar interior, and I wonder where it is.
While I was watching it, the door to the small room opened, and a woman, whose face had gone pale, entered. She was wearing work clothes. I don’t remember her— no, I have a feeling I know this woman. I feel like I’ve seen her somewhere. Searching through my memories, I was astonished. The postcard that Utena showed me in the gondola of the Ferris wheel...
“I don’t know where this is,” TV girl said, “but it’s your world. Go back from this screen. Be as fast as possible, okay...? I’m getting this girl, so I’m satisfied for now, but I don’t know what I’ll do if I get hungry. I’ve had my eye on this girl for a looong time now.” Preciously, the monster caressed her own— Torii’s— flesh, like a small child showing off a rare bug they found on the side of the road.
“MY ENEMY’S INVISIBLE, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT” From the back of her throat, her singing voice overflowed. “THE TREMBLING FEAR IS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE” She sang neatly, with enumerated sounds. “WHEN I’M UP AGAINST THE ECHO IN THE MIRROR” Singing those bizarre and obtuse phrases, she laughed sweetly. “A long time ago...I heard it from far away. This song, from the other side of the TV. I was bored, just letting the days pass by me. It comforted my heart. It was my only pleasure, and this child gave it to me.” The monster— whom I’d met in an alternate dimension— smiled happily. “That singing voice echoes inside me, even now, inside my stomach. That’s why I’m fine, even if I don’t eat a lot. That’s why, I’m letting you go.”