My worst fears came true. Carrying Kousuke on my back, I went to this bizarre amusement park’s admission gates— the place where we believed we could escape from— and left the park. After walking for a few minutes, though, I collapse right then and there. On the floor, I hung my head in defeat, feeling Kousuke’s unusually heavy weight on my back.
The amusement park’s surroundings were just empty wasteland. Cracked and dried earth, spreading out endlessly; I could see nothing, stretching all the way out to the horizon. Actually, it’s almost refreshing, and I was put into a happy mood. “Ahaha,” I laughed like my head’s gone a little strange. Of course, I wasn’t that hopeful of such a simple, game-like salvation as just heading through the admission gates to escape. From the gondola of the Ferris wheel, I saw distantly, from a high vantage point, the scenery outside of the amusement park. I didn’t want to believe it; that, even if we left the amusement park, it was just more of this other dimension. That there was no leaving, no salvation... But right in front of me, and all around, the truth was made clear— I had no choice but to admit that I was out of options.
My heart broke, and I sank into despair. Even though I was thinking of what to do after, after I escaped... First, I’d want to take a bath and change clothes. How would I explain things to Kousuke’s, Utena’s, and Torii’s families, I wonder? How troublesome. Would mom and dad have already come back from the city?
It seems I was involved in a fire. What should I do if the house is burned down? Where would I live, what would I do about tonight’s dinner— what was the schedule for school tomorrow? I was thinking of those things at length, but all of it was blown away in an instant. I can’t think of anything, anymore. I can’t move, either. After laughing, I started to cry .
“Kousuke,” I sobbed. I draw myself closer to Kousuke, who I still had on my back. He’s completely a corpse now. His ashen skin was as inhuman as the CRT TV screens I was pushed up against when I first came to this alternate dimension. I stroked his hair with my fingers— If I do that, Kousuke can’t defy me— that’s why.
“Kousuke— Kousuke, Kousuke...” Wake up. Come back to life. Talk to me, don’t leave me alone... Save me, please. I hate this. I hate this. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to go back; I want to go back home. I want to see mom and dad. I’m tired already. I’m sick of this, it’s too much. I can’t stand living here for even one more second.
“WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?!” Suddenly, I heard a singing voice. Unrelated to me, it was an awfully one-sided and unreasonable singing voice. Just listening to it makes me feel worse. I feel like it’s ridiculing me; am I that funny? I’ve lost any place I had to go. I’m talking to the corpse of my childhood friend. Could someone find these things funny and laughably stupid? I hope they die. It’s making me awfully angry and irritated. Ahh, Utena might just have chosen the right way to get out of here, I thought. I should’ve died. If I died, it would have been over; everything would have been over. But, I’m still alive. That’s why, reflexively, I looked over at the voice.
“CAN SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE—” There, were a lot of TVs, fallen over like they were rolled out. Outdated CRT TVs, as well as thin flat-screens and portable types... All types of TVs were lying about everywhere. Most of them had dark screens, but there were also some showing static, and others playing random shows of all different kinds. Like a garbage dump, several of those TVs were piled together to form a small mountain.
I start to make conjectures, although I can’t really see any point in thinking anymore. From yesterday’s events, I can vaguely understand.
“—WHY I’M SWITCHING CHANNELS FASTER THAN THE CHANNELS ON TV—” It’s the same as when I first found myself in this dimension. The giant worker arms that seemed to be cleaning up the amusement park: they picked up garbage cans, among other things, but they were rough in handling things, so they would drop stuff all over the place. And, for some reason, the stuff they pick up happens to be TVs a lot of the time... The things that dropped have been blown around and gathered here. They’ve been dropped from a long ways up, so most of them are broken; they’ve all got damage, like cracks down the screen, or dents in places.
From those TVs, the most intact ones, or the ones that looked the cutest, were gathered and piled together. There wasn’t any real meaning to the collection, much like a child who picks up rocks or pretty glass pieces and shells by the roadside. A small child’s treasure, who would forget about it in a day given the chance. Adults wouldn’t be able to find value in it, a mountain of junk... Sitting at the top of it was a single girl, who looked like she was having fun while singing. “I’M black THEN I’M white, NO!!!” She spread her arms, then lowered them again in exaggerated motions. Then she looked straight at me, who looked miserable and wretched. She was just watching, like she was killing time. Her mouth was twisted in the shape of a smile.
It was like looking into a mirror of myself when I was working at the store, watching a fairly pleasant TV show without really paying attention. Was I making the same face, I wondered? I don’t know why, but I became awfully uneasy. I’m not a TV show, to be broadcast for someone else’s amusement.
“SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT!!” she sang out, and I was surprised enough to forget my discomfort. The one singing on top of a mountain of TVs— no matter how I looked at her, she was Torii, with black hair which was unkempt and unstyled. Her spine was stretched straight, so she looked huge. She was wearing my school’s uniform, too, only it was clean. For some reason, her neck was tilted oddly. And yet her hair was drooping downwards, obeying the laws of gravity. Because of that, her lovely features, which were usually hidden, were now on full display. Was Torii always this beautiful? She was like a different person. No, clearly she’s acting strangely.
✦ ✦ ✦
Torii should have been heavily wounded, enough that she couldn’t move. We gave her emergency treatment with stuff like towels, and put her broken right arm into a splint. But from what I’m seeing, Torii isn’t injured at all. There aren’t even any scars; she’s clean.
It’s as if Torii had been born just now, looking as she did. In the first place, she was almost mortally wounded; there’s no way she’d be able to move. Why is she in a place like this, I wonder? Why is she singing? I don’t understand! Or rather, I was almost certain that she had been killed off by Kurashima while we were on the Ferris wheel. I decided that on my own, and because of that didn’t actually check. I’m an awful person. And she said I was a kind girl...
That’s wrong, I realized. That’s not it. Something is strange. Chills ran down my spine. I’m looking at something unnatural; my instincts were ringing alarms. That’s no good. I shouldn’t get involved with that thing. At the same time, I felt a very familiar sensation.
It wasn’t because she was Torii. I never even talked to her at school. It was that, ever since I found myself in this dimension, I’d been feeling someone’s gaze the whole time. Someone was watching me, that was the feeling I’d gotten. Eventually I got used to it and forgot, and the sensation stopped rising to the surface of my thoughts. From the beginning to the end, she was— this thing was— watching me, I think, without any real curiosity. Its gaze was just absentmindedly bored, like it had nothing else to do... That was how it appeared now; it looked listless.