Chapter 1

“…I’m literally dying without my oshiii…” In a private room at a bar near the studio, Suzune Sengu let out a long sigh of lament, as if her soul were leaving her body along with it. Her fellow voice actress let out a sweet little laugh from the seat across from her. “Aww, what? You still haven’t gotten over that?” Yuika Ayabuki covered her mouth politely with a lightly closed fist, her movements as elegant as her voice. She smiled affectionately at the young woman who was six years her junior as if she were a child. Even though Suzune was twenty-five years old already, it certainly was how she was acting. “Is it really worth dwelling on it for so long?” “Of course it is!” Suzune dragged herself upright from the table, but her shoulders still sagged. Why wouldn’t she be depressed? Her favorite idol, her oshi, had graduated out of the blue. She’d lost a vital source of sustenance that got her through each day. “But it’s been six months already, hasn’t it?” “It’s only been six months.” Suzune pursed her lips. She couldn’t help acting childish when it was just her and Yuika. And since Yuika was always happy to indulge her accordingly, it only encouraged Suzune all the more. It was important to have someone who you could be fully comfortable around. One day, on their way home from a wrap party for a certain project… “Would you care to join me?” Yuika had invited her out to drink and had brought her to a lovely bar where, much to Suzune’s surprise, she’d abruptly and correctly guessed that Suzune—like her—leaned that way. “Sometimes you can just tell, you know?” When Yuika took her hand and whispered this in her ear, Suzune thought her heart might stop from sheer panic and confusion. Yuika smoothly slid her arm around Suzune’s waist and pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. The bartender pretended not to notice. For a moment, Suzune’s heart wavered, but she managed to stop Yuika before the older woman’s lips could draw closer to hers. She stammered out that flirting for the yuri fans and such was fine, but she didn’t want to go any further than that unless it was with someone she truly loved. To her surprise, Yuika was quick to accept the rejection with an easy “Oh, what a shame.” They’d been closer than any ordinary colleagues ever since. “We’re both ‘yuri’ for real, hmm?” Yuika had said at the time. What she meant was that their interest in each other wasn’t just for show. It was a common practice, a form of fan service sometimes known as “yuri bait,” or in Japanese, “yuri business.” By showing off their close female friendships—saying “I love you,” getting jealous of other female friends, and so on—female entertainers created an illusion of a romantic relationship to captivate fans, many of them male. One such instance of this phenomenon had happened at the event earlier that day. It was an anime DVD release event with a crowd of roughly three hundred. During the standing talk show segment on stage, the presenter asked the series’s voice actresses what they had done for fun lately. Suzune could tell what the presenter was getting at, so… “The other day, Maria-chan and I went on a date at the aquarium!” She very deliberately used the word “date.” It was common enough for girls to call it a “date” when they went out together with other girls, not just with a boy. Often, they used this term to suggest they were especially close. Maria Kagami was one of Suzune’s frequent collaborators. Though she was at a different agency, the two women had started voice acting around the same time and were close enough friends that they exchanged messages and such. They also went out to eat together fairly frequently. And, in this particular anime, their characters were basically in love. “You know how much I love penguins, right?” Maria was famous for her fondness of penguins, to the point where she was known to openly wonder aloud about the possibility of keeping one as a pet. “Well, the city aquarium got some new penguins recently, so I invited Suzune out after a recording session to go meet them with me!” “It’s amazing how much Maria-chan knows about penguins. I could barely tell any of them apart.” “I mansplained it to her like any good boyfriend would!” Maria puffed up her chest proudly, prompting a wave of laughter from the audience. “I had sooo much fun!” “Me, too!” The two of them leaned in toward each other, practically making heart eyes. “…Um, hello? And you didn’t invite me?” Just then, their fellow voice actress, Yuika, pounced on the subject. “What, so the two of you went alone? When? Why? Wasn’t I at that recording session, too? Why didn’t you invite me?” Yuika pressed closer to them, microphone in hand, while Suzune and Maria drew together and inched away from her nervously. “I-I thought you had another session later that day, Yuika…” “Well, I could’ve met up with you afterward, hmm? I bet you went out to eat after the aquarium anyway, right?” “Ah… I didn’t even think of that.” Yuika’s eyebrows shot up at Suzune’s answer. Seeing her reaction, Suzune and Maria clung to each other tightly in an exaggerated show of fear. They pressed their cheeks together, eliciting a little stir from the audience. “All right, save your lovers’ quarrels for the dressing room, please! Even if I personally would love to see more!” Everyone laughed at the presenter’s commentary, drawing the scene to a close. After the event, Suzune searched up the reactions on social media and found plenty of the usual comments: Yuri fans eating good again today!; Yui-yui is such a yuri fiend I can’t even; and so on. She was glad to see the fans were happy. Since most female friends were perfectly comfortable with physical contact, she and her fellow voice actresses would sometimes hug or hold hands on stage. If she did anything of the sort with a male voice actor in this day and age, there would be a meltdown on social media, but it was never a problem when both parties were women. Although that didn’t entirely sit right with Suzune. Even after their conversation about being “yuri for real,” Yuika and Suzune had proactively put on yuri fan service whenever they were cast together. But when Yuika told her that she’d gotten a new girlfriend for the first time in months and they’d already started living together, Suzune was curious. “Doesn’t it bother your girlfriend?” she’d asked. “The, um…yuri bait, I mean.” “Well, it’s just work.” Yuika’s response had been immediate. “She knew I was an actress when we started dating, so she’s accepted it. Oh, although I suppose I’ve stopped sleeping over at friends’ houses, at least.” Come to think of it, the two of them hadn’t done a sleepover in a while. Throwing slumber parties with female friends really was fun. But to participate in them, Suzune would have to hide the fact she was into girls for real. She and her friends were able to act openly with one another based on the premise there was nothing sexual going on. She didn’t want them to think that she might be looking at them that way. She couldn’t speak for anyone else, but Suzune had never looked at her own friends like that. Sure, she might find them attractive at times, but that was different from ogling someone with sexual fantasies in mind. …But it was far too difficult to explain all that. She had tried before with friends outside the entertainment business, and it had only caused them to grow distant. It was all too easy to tell when someone no longer trusted you. So Suzune kept it a secret. Still, Yuika was probably refraining from sleepovers out of consideration toward her girlfriend, not because of those other reasons. Suzune figured she would be jealous, too, if she was Yuika’s girlfriend. It wasn’t a matter of truly suspecting her of cheating—it was just hard to imagine accepting her partner having sleepovers with someone else she might develop feelings for. No matter who it might be, the slight possibility was always there, after all. “Why don’t you just find someone new?” Yuika tipped her glass of single malt whiskey as she quirked an eyebrow. She was so grown-up. Suzune was drinking a cocktail. Yuika had requested “something that would suit my friend here,” and the bartender produced a somewhat sweet rum-based drink for her. She’d been so embarrassed, she’d already forgotten the name of the cocktail. “It’s not that easy, you know.” Suzune heaved another soul-weary sigh. “I’ve never stanned anyone so hard before in my life.” “What was the group called again? ‘DIAGONAL’?” “That’s right.” Female idol groups were as numerous and brilliant as the stars, even if they shone at different magnitudes. Among them, DIAGONAL was at least well-known enough that even people with no interest in idols had likely heard the name once or twice. All their songs were composed by famous Vocaloid producers and set to energetic, cheerleading-like dance choreography. This combination set their performances apart from the rest. And their undisputed leader, their center, was one Karin Shotsuki. According to her official company profile, which no longer existed, she was twenty-two years old. Her height was 158 centimeters. No other physical measurements were listed. It only said that she’d gone from being a child star to an idol. Unofficial sources claimed she was born and raised in Tokyo and had gone to a public high school. She had no driver’s license. She refused to eat raw foods of any kind. No, not even fruit. The story went that she’d gotten food poisoning a long time ago, resulting in an intense aversion to raw food. Karin Shotsuki had been the center of DIAGONAL for five years, from the group’s inception. Naturally, this meant that she had more song and dance parts than any of the other members. Surely, one would think, she would run out of stamina after leading five songs in a row, and yet she never let it show in the slightest. In the documentary that came with the special fan club-exclusive album, she once collapsed in a heap after a concert, then noticed the camera and furiously waved it away. Her intention was clear: She didn’t want her fans to see her at anything less than her best. Suzune had been so moved, she’d nearly cried. “She really was amazing… You have no idea…” “You sort of sound like someone whose crush moved to another school.” Yuika’s tone was teasing, but Suzune sat up straight. “No, it’s not like that,” she insisted firmly. “My feelings for Karin Shotsuki aren’t true romantic love. I just have a strong admiration for her high level of discipline and performance, that’s all.” “Oh? But you have photos of her and such, don’t you? Last I checked, photos don’t sing or dance, now do they?” “Buying merchandise is the duty of any fan who supports their oshi. It’s basically a tax liability.” “A fandom tax, huh?” “Exactly.” But of course, despite her immediate protests, that wasn’t the whole story. “…Okay, I absolutely adore her face, too, but still.” That was all part of being a fan. Karin Shotsuki’s eyes were especially incredible. Not only were they enormous, but the dark parts of her pupils held a hint of azure, glinting like obsidian. Her eyelashes were so long, you might be able to balance chopsticks on them. You could almost hear a little whoosh when they moved. Also, her skin was so smooth and fair. And maybe looking at the nape of her neck or the slight patterns of her veins made Suzune’s heart pound a little. These days, it was easy to pass off edited photos as the real thing, but that wasn’t the case with Karin Shotsuki. Suzune knew, for sure, because she had gotten to shake her hand at a meet-and-greet event. Karin was just as good—no, even better—in real life. Although Suzune already preferred 3D over 2D, it was only when she touched Karin’s hand that she truly understood the power of the flesh. The hint of a sweet scent. The cool feeling of a palm. These things could only be experienced from a living, three-dimensional human being. It was only thirty seconds, and it only happened the once. Yet even now, she could easily call to mind the scent, the sensations, all of it. And best of all was Karin’s voice. Karin was on the baby-faced side, with soft, supple-looking lips, but the voice that spilled from them was truly incredible. Due to her line of work, Suzune was very sensitive to people’s voices. And Karin Shotsuki’s had real power. No matter how many times she went to see her perform, Suzune would feel her skin prickle when Karin’s voice blew through the audience, giving her chills every time. While the other girls’ breathing grew ragged from their intense dancing, that was never the case with Karin. She could sing perfectly even through the most difficult of dance routines, as if nothing could ruffle her. One day, she would be famous the world over. Suzune was sure of it. …But that never came to pass. Because Karin Shotsuki suddenly went away. One day, out of nowhere, a social media post labeled Important Notice quickly dominated all of the trending topics, along with relevant keywords. From the DIAGONAL official account: As of today, Karin Shotsuki has graduated from DIAGONAL. That was all it said. As if that wasn’t bad enough, her agency’s website posted an update: We regret to announce that our management contract with Karin Shotsuki ended yesterday. In addition, please note that we will no longer be accepting any messages or further contact regarding Karin Shotsuki. All sorts of wild rumors circulated online: elopement, marriage, retirement, kidnapping, and even suicide. Streamers and content creators jumped on this in droves and fanned the flames. One after another, they came forward claiming to be Karin’s siblings, her parents, her lovers, all for the sake of racking up views. The result was utter chaos. Suzune, too, jumped at any and all information she could find in hopes the truth was out there somewhere, but she wasn’t able to glean anything for sure. Everyone was dying to hear Karin Shotsuki reveal what happened in her own words. But those words…never came. She didn’t use social media, and her profile had already been scrubbed from the DIAGONAL site. There were scattered reports of sightings, but they were all baseless rumors. And there was no criminal case involved. So when an even more scandalous incident involving a different idol came to light two weeks later, people promptly forgot all about Karin Shotsuki. Everyone, it seemed, except Suzune. She couldn’t possibly forget. Almost every day, she would watch video archives of past DIAGONAL concerts, gaze at Karin’s photobooks, and listen to the song that had become the idol’s last single. However, she didn’t try to track her oshi down. She quickly realized that no amount of sifting through information online would ever get her anywhere, and even if she did somehow find Karin, it was safe to assume she would never return to DIAGONAL. All Suzune could do was relive the memories of her oshi to sustain herself. But inevitably, she was going to grow dissatisfied with this, and after half a year, that was exactly what happened. She hadn’t gotten sick of Karin—that was impossible—but by now, she’d burned Karin’s every video and photo into her memory and could picture them with her eyes closed, down to the finest details. And yet her oshi’s scent and her cool palm, memories she thought she’d carved into her heart for eternity, were slowly fading with each passing day. That hurt most of all. “I wonder what Karin-sama is doing now…” As Suzune groaned like she might sink to the center of the earth, Yuika smiled. She wasn’t making fun of Suzune, though. It was just that they were each someone’s oshi, too. Unlike the old days, it was now fairly common for people to become fans of individual voice actors and actresses. Yuika, and Suzune, too, had more than a few devoted fans of their own. It was hard to say whether that was a good thing for the craft as a whole, but either way, it was always nice to hear that someone loved your voice and performances. “Haven’t you ever had an oshi before, Yuika?” At this, Yuika took another sip of whiskey and looked thoughtful. “Hmmm… No, I don’t think so. There are plenty of shows and things that I like, but I’ve never gotten obsessed with one specific character, and I’m not really interested in idols. Even when there’s an actor who I like enough to see everything they’re in, I don’t buy merch or anything. And I don’t need to know about their personal lives, so I don’t watch interviews and such.” “Riiiight…” I guess everyone enjoys different things in different ways, Suzune thought. Suzune deeply respected Yuika as a colleague, and she checked out everything the more experienced voice actress appeared in, but that wasn’t the same as an oshi. Naturally, just because having someone to stan was completely essential to Suzune didn’t mean it would be vital to someone else. If you weren’t careful, a simple misinterpretation could lead to all-out war. Suzune was glad she could talk to Yuika about these things without fear of being misunderstood. As Suzune was reflecting on this, Yuika put down her glass and rested an elbow on the table, looking like she’d just remembered something. “Did you hear? Apparently, we’re getting a new girl.” Her eyes were narrowed. “What? At this time of year?” The voice acting agency they both belonged to, Earpo, held auditions once a year. They mainly targeted rookies who were freshly graduated from specialty schools. Those who passed joined the agency on a trial basis; if they produced good results within two years, they received an official place on the roster. While already-active voice actors occasionally transferred to Earpo from other agencies, they would still have to work as freelancers for a while, often becoming official around the same time as the other Earpo recruits. If someone was officially joining without waiting for that time of year, they must be talented enough that the agency didn’t want them getting snatched up by anyone else. Since Earpo exclusively managed voice actors, they might very well hear rumors about talents transferring from one agency to another, but Suzune certainly hadn’t heard anything. “Do you have any info, Suzu?” Suzune shook her head. “Oh well. I wonder what the newbie’s like.” “They could be a veteran who outranks all of us, you know…” “Haha, don’t scare me like that.” Yuika laughed, her eyes twinkling. Voice acting was a competitive field. There was a limit on how many jobs the agency was offered, so the more popular you were, the better your chances of landing a gig. Even if it ultimately came down to your performance, the idea of getting knocked down a spot in the pecking order was a frightening one. The only reason Yuika could laugh about it was because she had the skills and popularity to back it up. And while Suzune wasn’t quite on Yuika’s level, she was still comfortably in demand. She landed a few main roles every anime season, and there was no end to her game recording sessions. She even had a regular column in a voice acting magazine. Even if someone who outranked her came into the mix, it probably wouldn’t affect her situation all that much. Suzune sipped her cocktail and put an end to that subject. “By the way, Yuika, didn’t you just go on a hot springs trip with your girlfriend? How was it? Tell me, tell me!” She folded her arms on the table, leaning forward. “What? You’re sooo nosy, Suzu…” Yuika raised her brows and shook her head in disbelief, though it was clear she wasn’t actually annoyed. Suzune loved hearing stories about Yuika’s romantic escapades. Yuika was adorable when she was gushing about a girlfriend, and really, the palpable sense of love just warmed Suzune’s heart. “Oh, if you insist.” In spite of her feigned reluctance, Yuika’s expression softened. Just seeing that look on her face made Suzune feel like she was in love right along with her friend.