I’m just not very good with Kanao.
Still, it’s not that I hate her. She’s never done anything to me, and we’ve never actually butted heads or anything. It’s just that she’s hard to be around.
If I had to say, Kanao Tsuyuri is like a doll. She doesn’t answer when you say something to her. She’s constantly wearing that empty smile, and she can’t make a decision on her own—she always has to toss a coin.
I’m short-tempered, so I get cross with her. Sometimes, I just want to throw my hands up and be done with her.
Agewise, I’m the older one, but in terms of rank, Kanao’s much higher than me. She’s so full of Demon Slayer talent that, even though she’s still young, she was chosen as a Tsuguko, an apprentice to the Hashira.
On the other hand, I survived the Final Selection on nothing more than luck. I’m a coward, and I’ll never make my name in actual battle because I’m terrified of fighting demons. Thanks to Lady Shinobu’s merciful ways, I can stay here at the Butterfly Mansion, take care of injured corps members, and help them with their recovery training.
Does a Demon Slayer who can’t kill demons have any value? Of course not. I’m a burden on the corps. Maybe that’s why I get strangely out of sorts with Kanao. Once I realized it was more or less an inferiority complex, my own pettiness annoyed me. I was hating myself more and more.
And then he came along and said to me, “You helped me, Aoi. So you’re now a part of me. I’ll think about you when I go into battle.”
He said that someone as useless as me was a part of him, that he would take all these feelings with no outlet into battle with him … He said it without affectation or hesitation, with a smile like the sun.
So I decided to try. I decided to throw myself into whatever I actually could do. And yet …
When the Sound Hashira ordered me to accompany him on a mission, I started shaking all over. I remembered the terror of confronting a demon. I couldn’t even keep him from snatching up Naho.
“Kanao! Kanao!!” I kept shouting, like a fool.
And Kanao grabbed my hand. Without tossing a coin, her brow furrowed and teeth gritted, she held my hand tightly, ignoring the Sound Hashira as he yelled at her.
I still haven’t been able to thank her for that.
“Shopping?”
“Yes. I’d love it if the two of you would go.”
Her superior, Shinobu, had called her to her room, so Aoi had assumed she would be taken to task for the Sound Hashira incident. But that wasn’t what happened.
It felt strange to be told to go shopping together. Aoi stole a glance at Kanao sitting next to her. She was staring into space with the same expression as always on her face. Aoi had no idea what was going on in her head.
“I wrote down here the medicines that I want you to buy,” Shinobu said, and smiled.
If the old her had been asked to run errands with the silent Kanao, it would have been a hard request to accept, even if it was Shinobu doing the asking—as much as she loved and respected her.
But for Aoi at the moment, it was a welcome lifeline. She bowed her head, thinking she’d finally be able to thank Kanao. “I understand. We’ll go, then.”
“Thank you very much. We’ll need all these because Tanjiro and the others will most likely return here when their current mission is over,” Shinobu continued lightly.
This startled Aoi.
“Now, Uzui’s with them, so there’s probably no need to be concerned. But let’s be as prepared as possible while we wait for them.”
Aoi accepted the instructions silently. They had gone on that mission in Aoi’s place. Because I’m pathetic. She gently bit her lip. She sincerely hoped that it wasn’t a dangerous mission. But this was a self-serving wish. If a Hashira was on the job, then it couldn’t have been simply to round up some small-fry demon.
When they went to dispatch the demon lurking in the Infinity Train, they came back battered and bruised all over. The mission inflicted wounds on both body and mind, and they were so black-and-blue that it was painful just to look at them.
This time, all of those injuries would be because of her. Please, please be safe, she prayed, practically in tears. You all have to make it back here together.
The tips of her fingers on her lap trembled. She willed them to be still, but the shaking didn’t stop. Aoi closed her eyes firmly at her own cowardliness.
The wholesale chemist where Shinobu was a regular stood in a town a little way from the Butterfly Mansion. Aoi had been there any number of times, trailing along behind Shinobu.
“Welcome.”
She recognized the manager who greeted them. He was too thin and had a face like a shriveled eggplant.
“Hello, we were hoping to buy some medicines,” Aoi replied.
Since Kanao didn’t speak as a general rule, Aoi held Shinobu’s list in one hand and asked for the items they needed. She wasn’t particularly anxious about her ability to pick out medicine, at least.
But when it came time to pay, the color drained from her face. She was sure she’d brought her wallet, and yet it wasn’t there. The wallet into which she’d carefully tucked the money from Shinobu was nowhere to be found. She desperately fumbled around in the pockets of her corps uniform, and then put a hand to her mouth.
Ah …
She suddenly remembered that she’d pulled it out of her uniform to pay someone just as they were leaving the mansion and that she’d left it on the table there. Astonishing. It was an unthinkable error. She froze in shock.
Kanao peered at her, as if sensing something.
“Kanao, I’m sorry,” Aoi said in a hoarse voice, bowing so deeply her nose practically touched her kneecaps. “I forgot my wallet!”
There was no response from Kanao.
She was so ashamed and miserable, she wanted to disappear even more than before.
In a turn of bad luck, neither she nor Kanao had brought along their personal wallets since they were only going out to do the shopping.
Kanao stared hard at her coin and began to blanch.
Aoi smiled lifelessly and said, “I would never take that away from you.”
They had been to this shop countless times, and so she pushed aside her embarrassment and asked to start a tab. The deeply wary manager simply would not agree to it.
“Ask all you want, but this is a business. Unfortunately, the owner’s out today, and I don’t have the authority,” he said, before muddying the conversation with a question. “And what exactly is it that you all do? This ‘corps’ of yours, what sort of group is it really?”
“What?” Aoi was at a loss for words. At times like this, not belonging to an official government organization made things difficult.
Because no one believed them when they talked about demons and all the rest, the social trust toward the Demon Slayer Corps was definitely not high, except among the Wisteria Houses. The Demon Slayers risked their lives and fought demons for people, but they weren’t even granted permission to wear their Nichirin swords.
When Aoi was stuck for a reply, the manager looked at the two girls with hard eyes.
“What do you do with nothing but women out there? The one who came last time was strangely provocative. You’re not actually involved in some shameful business, now, are you?”
“I—!”
This sort of baseless rumor spread because it was only ever women who came from the Butterfly Mansion to do the shopping. Aoi was furious at how coarsely the manager was looking at them.
“I understand. No need for a tab! Good day!” she announced politely. She left the shop, dragging Kanao behind her—and instantly regretted the act.
Now I’ve done it …
She held her head in her hands. There was no way they would make it back to town while the shop was still open if they returned to the Butterfly Mansion now to get her wallet. She really should have controlled her temper. She should have kept bowing her head and stayed quiet, no matter what the man said to her. She simply couldn’t hold her tongue when it came to Shinobu or the corps being disrespected.
I’m an idiot. Stupid stupid stupid!
Just when she’d decided to move forward so as not to waste the kindness of the words that boy had spoken to her that day. Her feelings always raced ahead of her. It was pathetic how she was always running in circles.
All of the things they were supposed to buy that day—the medicines, the sake for medical purposes, the cotton for bandages—they were all essential and indispensable. What if the Demon Slayers returned and the mansion wasn’t all stocked up? What if they were so seriously injured that even Shinobu couldn’t handle it? What if the worst happens to them because of me?
Just picturing it, she felt her legs tremble wretchedly. Her own idiocy made her field of view go dark.
“I’m sorry, Kanao.” This trip was turning out not to be the right place to express her gratitude to the younger girl.