No one said a word.
Eventually, it wasn’t just the man crying. Sumi and Naho both started to weep. Genya couldn’t stand it in there any longer, and he left the room without a word. He had no right to scold that man. Him … He would’ve done that better. Tanjiro would’ve empathized with the man and spoken to him kindly, amiably somehow …
He really was broken. He couldn’t do a single thing properly. This was probably why his brother wouldn’t look at him.
I don’t remember my dad ever hugging me. In fact, I don’t even remember him smiling at me. But it definitely wasn’t like I wanted this dad to hug me, this man who walked around, breath stinking of alcohol from morning until night, who hit Mom whenever he got the chance. I did what I could to make sure me and my brother were more or less able to take care of our younger brothers and sisters together.
I tried, anyway.
“Genya. Ah, this is where you are.”
“S-Sanemi …”
I screwed up my face in annoyance when my brother found me in my special hiding place on the stone steps of a shrine a bit of a walk from the long house we lived in. I was sure there was no way my brother would find me. He really was amazing.
“Hey. It’s almost dark. Let’s head home. Mom’s not mad or anything.” He sounded the same as ever.
I almost nodded automatically and then desperately held myself back. Maybe it was my tiny shred of pride as a little kid. The truth was, I was anxious and super happy that Sanemi had come to get me. But I felt like if I just wagged my tail and went home with him, I’d never be a man.
Silently, I shook my head vigorously from side to side, and Sanemi sighed just like a grown-up would. Though we were almost the same size, Sanemi was always way ahead of the rest of us. I used to rely on that about him, but lately, I’d felt a bit of regret.
“You hit him ’cause he was making fun of Sumi, right? The whole ‘poor people with tons of kids’ thing.”
I nodded.
“Aah,” Sanemi sighed in exasperation.
I’d gone and slammed a fist into the face of the son of the landlord just because he’d said a little thing like that. The moment I saw Sumi crying, my mind had gone blank. Blood flowed from the landlord’s son’s nose.
Our whole family could be chased out of the place where we lived the next day. And then what would happen to Mom and everyone? All because I couldn’t control my temper …
Sanemi must have been fed up with his thoughtless little brother. That’s what I thought, but …
“Then you didn’t do anything wrong, now did you?” Sanemi said.
I jerked my head up. “Huh?”
“You did a great job of protecting your little sister, being a real big brother. Hold your head up high.”
“Sanemi …” I stared intently at my brother. He grinned. He almost never smiled, but when he did, his face was honestly so kind. He looked like Mom, and me and all the little ones loved his smiling face. All kinds of things welled up in me at the same time, and my throat grew so hot it was almost painful.
“Let’s go home,” he said. “Mom’s worried.”
“Okay.” I nodded and stood up from the stone steps.
The area was dyed the color of the setting sun. My brother ahead of me was also red in the light. As I looked at him, I had the sudden desire to be babied. I was the second oldest after Sanemi, and Mom was always too busy taking care of our little brothers and sisters, so she never really babied me.
“Sanemi,” I called to him. “Piggyback.”
“What? You hurt or something?” He looked back at me in surprise.
I could feel myself turn red up to the ears. Naturally, I wasn’t hurt.
“A-actually, forget it,” I said hurriedly and quickly walked past him.
“Come on then.” He crouched down and turned his back to me. “Just this once.”
“Okay.”
I was beet red from embarrassment or shame or whatever it was. But my happiness won out over my awkwardness, and I clambered onto my brother’s back.
It felt way bigger than it looked. If I’d had a dad—I mean, if my dad had actually been a proper dad—I just know his back would’ve felt like this.
“Mom’s making ohagi,” Sanemi said casually.
“Really?” I replied. “Is there a lot?”
“Yeah. Me and Teiko were helping.”
“So that’s why you smell like ohagi.”
“I smell like ohagi?”
“Yeah. Aah, I’m hungry.”
We chatted about nothing special as I rocked back and forth on my brother’s back. Then I had a sudden thought.
I could get my brother to baby me because I was his kid brother. But who would baby him? He was Mom’s right hand, working even though he was a kid. Taking care of his little brothers and sisters with an unreliable dad. Who on earth was there to baby him?
Sanemi.
Sanemi …
I’m sorry, brother.
“Genya, are you awake? I brought your medication.”
When he opened his eyes, he was indeed in a hospital room at the Butterfly Mansion. Naho—no, the girl with pigtails, Sumi, was peering at him.
Of course, his brother was not there. The warmth of his brother’s small but big back faded abruptly. Genya sat up and stared vacantly at the hands he had thrown over Sanemi’s shoulders. They were big, sturdy hands, totally different from how they had been on that day so long ago. Maybe because of the demon flesh he’d eaten, they were not so different from his brother’s now.
“Are you all right?” Sumi asked timidly.
Genya looked at her with a question, and for some reason, she averted her eyes.
“Er … those tears,” she said apologetically.