“It seems that you’re not able to make proper use of breathing.”
“Th-that’s … Uh …” Shinobu had hit far too close to home, making Mitsuri shrink even further into herself.
Shinobu sighed almost silently and lowered her wooden sword. She turned her cool gaze on Mitsuri. “You look pale. Your cheeks are hollow. Is this because you are not taking in the nutrition necessary to maintain your muscle mass?”
Mitsuri gasped.
“I am most certainly not a powerful sword wielder,” Shinobu continued. “But you’re different, Kanroji. Your easygoing long sword, your surprisingly flexible muscles, the strength that you were born with and—above all else—your almost overly honest personality make you an astonishing swordswoman.”
Mitsuri felt forced into silence.
“Kanroji,” Shinobu said, her voice devoid of emotion. “Why are you trying to make yourself weak?”
Mitsuri’s heart leaped up in her chest. She looked at Shinobu timidly, and Shinobu looked back at her. The sound of her gulping seemed like it came from someone else. If she was going to talk about it, it had to be now. But …
No … I can’t say it … I just can’t.
If she spoke honestly, she would end up hurting Shinobu. She would make Shinobu remember something unpleasant, something sad.
No, that wasn’t it. The truth was, she was scared to say it. She was saying it was for Shinobu’s sake while it was actually for her own sake. She was afraid of laying herself bare and having her beloved Shinobu hate her. She was afraid of ruining the closeness they’d shared up to now. She was so scared of losing her friend, she could hardly stand it.
Mitsuri hung her head as if to escape Shinobu’s gaze and clutched one shaking hand with her other hand.
I don’t know what to do. I need some other reason …
The moment she had this thought, she heard a voice in her ear.
“You were super cool!”
Ah!
Mitsuri jerked her head up. The boy who had said that, as a newbie, she had been cooler than anyone else out there. When she’d saved him and his mother from the demon, she had been relieved from the bottom of her heart. She had been so terribly glad they were still alive. She’d felt like she finally found a place where she could belong, outside of her family.
“Thanks.”
She had actually wanted to thank them.
No. I can’t lie to her here.
If she did that, she wouldn’t be able to keep being here in this place. She’d never be able to face Shinobu again.
I have to tell her what’s going on with me. Mitsuri squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them to look her colleague directly in the eyes.
“Shinobu. So …”
Just saying that much, the inside of her mouth completely dried out. And even she could tell her voice was climbing higher and higher.
“I … heard … about your past. From the Kakushi.”
Shinobu stared at her with the same hard expression. Mitsuri couldn’t read even a hint of emotion or upset in it. What if Shinobu had total control over her feelings? How much time had she spent training before she was able to manage that?
The little girl whose parents had been slaughtered by a demon in front of her, whose beloved older sister had been taken from her. Mitsuri intently pushed back on the image to stop herself from shrinking with the sadness and pain of it.
“I’m … so embarrassed about my own reason for joining the Demon Slayer Corps. A husband, love … I should apologize to you. I feel like I’m all wrong like this. I have to be stronger, get it together, but …”
When she locked love away, she was surprisingly weak. Her Love Breathing was even more deeply tied to her heart than she had thought.
“I finally get it now. I can’t be that. I have to be strong in my own way. Otherwise, I can’t protect anybody.”
Scared of being rejected by this person she loved, she had neglected the people she was actually supposed to be protecting. She had weakened the strength she’d been given and tried to live a lie—even though she had made up her mind to use the power her mother and father had passed on to her to help as many people as she could in a place where she could live without lying to herself.
“This is me! This is Mitsuri Kanroji! All kinds of people make my heart beat faster, I eat a lot, I’m strong … But … I …”
Shinobu remained silent.
“It’s because … I love you, okay, Shinobu?” Mitsuri said and closed her mouth.
Shinobu’s pale throat moved slightly. “There are many others in the Demon Slayer Corps who have had relatives taken from them by demons.”
Mitsuri’s heart throbbed at her friend’s quiet voice.
“Aoi, Sumi, Naho. They all had their families killed by demons, and with nowhere else to go, they live together here.”
Mitsuri hung her head once more, and a gentle “but” reached her ears.
“But neither I nor those girls harbor any resentment toward you for your family and the environment you were raised in. I also don’t scorn your reason for joining the Demon Slayer Corps. Although, well, I was surprised when you first told me.”
“Huh?” Mitsuri heard a giggle at the end of that statement. Surprised, she lifted her face and met the eyes of Shinobu, who was suppressing a grin. The hard expression was gone, and Shinobu’s usual smile beamed warmly at Mitsuri.
“If all of us walked around filled with hate and sadness, licking each other’s wounds, we’d never move forward. Your cheerful smile keeps us going, you know, Kanroji?”
“Sh-Shinobu …” In the other girl’s eyes, Mitsuri saw herself, about to burst into tears at any second. Shinobu’s deep violet eyes were more beautiful than anything in this world, the same as the first time they’d met.
“So please don’t lie to yourself or anything like that,” Shinobu said. “I love you just the way you are, Kanroji.”
Unable to stand it any longer, she threw her arms around the much smaller Shinobu. Her warm tears flowed. “Shinobu, Shinobu, Shinobu, Shinobu!”
“Please excuse me for testing you like that.”
“Uh-uh! It’s okay! It’s totally fine. I was being an idiot.” Mitsuri shook her head vigorously from side to side, still clutching Shinobu.
Shinobu half giggled. “You’ll make sure to eat properly from now on, yes?”
“Uh-huh. I’m gonna eat loooads! I’ll eat so much. And then I’ll get even stronger!”
“Iguro’s also been worried about you, you know,” she added in a quiet voice, a little overprotectively.
“Yeah. I’ll apologize to him too. And Muichiro.”
Mitsuri wailed like a child, and Shinobu gently patted her back with her small hand, like she would a toddler. Then she whispered, “The truth is, I’ve always been jealous of your physique, Kanroji.”
“Huh?”
“If I had muscles like you, if I was tall like you … then …”
“Sh-Shinobu?”
“I’ve said too much. Please forget that,” Shinobu said in Mitsuri’s arms.
What had she been about to say after “then”?
Mitsuri felt that hidden in that word was a thought so powerful it was painful, a thought that burned even more brightly that anything else Shinobu had said.
The only Hashira who couldn’t cut off a demon’s head. The body she held in her arms was so insubstantial, so like that of a child, that Mitsuri sobbed even more loudly.
She vowed to herself once more that she would live a life without lies. And she would cut the heads off as many demons as she could so that she could protect the smiles and happiness of as many people as possible—so that she could live with her head held high with her beloved friend in this place she loved.
“Kanroji, why did you join the Demon Slayer Corps?” Tanjiro Kamado asked her in the hallway of the Tecchikawahara residence.
“Who? Me?” Mitsuri replied.
This boy had joined the Demon Slayer Corps to turn his little sister back into a human being after she’d become a demon. His eyes were red like fire and very beautiful. He was staring at her so intently it almost made her falter.
“It’s embarrassing. Do you really wanna know?” Mitsuri fidgeted awkwardly.
Nezuko, having become small like a toddler with a Blood Demon Art, looked up at her curiously, and Mitsuri gently stroked her smooth black hair.
“Umm …” Mitsuri Kanroji continued with a smile on her face.