After staring at him in a daze for a few seconds, Yae realized he was surprisingly good-looking. He was tall like the men from Miya Province, but he also had a gorgeous beauty to him. The bridge of his nose was nice and shapely, and his thin lips rested in a gentle smile. If she hadn’t just seen him fighting like a savage god of war, she would have been taken by his beauty and elegance, which were worthy of an imperial court.
“My name is Arai. I would rather kill you than serve you, but I am yours,” the man said, spitting venom from those delicate lips.
He’d rather what now?! Yae was at a loss for words.
“I was released for your sake. Your life sustains my freedom.”
Sustains? What does that mean?
“I can’t speak for eternity, but as long as there is light in my eyes, I am your servant,” Arai said with a tone of annoyance, ignoring Yae’s growing bewilderment. She couldn’t believe a word she was hearing; was this some kind of bizarre declaration of love?
“Wh-what are you saying…?” Yae asked, trembling.
“I can’t kill you, so clearly I have no choice but to stay by your side.”
“Huh?!”
I don’t understand. What the heck even is this tiger man?!
“I can imagine no greater humiliation, but I kneel to you in fealty. You’d better not forget it.” With an imperious glare that ran totally counter to his actions, he knelt and swore his loyalty.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying; you clearly have no desire to serve me, and most importantly, that’s not what I was asking!!” Yae screamed, crouching down on the ground. She could sense Arai being put off, but she had taken too much abuse and couldn’t hold back. “First my foster father, then the men from Miya Province, and now this tiger man… How can my luck with men be this bad?! What did I do to deserve this? Did I make some man cry in my past life? No, that’s impossible, I was way too straitlaced!”
“H-huh…?” Clearly uneasy, Arai stooped down in front of Yae. She began to punch the stone path with her fists in frustration. “Hey, don’t punch so hard. You’ll break your wrists.”
“What right do you have to say that?! You just tried to kill me! I’m sorry I’m such a dull and boring woman!” Yae yelled.
“I never said that,” he responded calmly. So he had some manners after all. Still, his correction did nothing to quell Yae’s desire to vent her pent-up emotions.
“I can’t tell you how many times people have told me I’m a ‘nice person.’ I kept getting that right up until my death in my previous life, and it never once felt like praise!”
“I never said that, either.”
“They should’ve just been honest with me. Being a ‘nice person’ just meant I was a convenient tool for everyone else. They all felt so lucky to have someone around who was polite and easy to use. Urgh. It wasn’t that I was any nicer than anyone else; I was just afraid of making people hate me! All I ever wanted was to be liked!”
Yae wanted to be like Oshiro, who on top of being good-looking was also able to express her opinion clearly. She wanted to be like the people at college and at her company who naturally drew others to them and made them smile. That was why she said yes whenever someone asked her for a favor, even if it seemed like a pain. She endeavored to do the same even after she was reborn in this world. She always did her best to stay calm and not be a hindrance to anyone else, and she refrained from doing things that might cause trouble for others. If it lessened someone’s burden or earned her a genuine smile, she was happy to do it.
But things never seemed to go quite right. Yae wasn’t really disliked, but…she always felt like a bit of an afterthought. Thinking back, it was always little things that she could write off as her imagination. She was never named first when she was with someone else. She was only ever invited to hang out after someone else declined. It was never any worse than that, but the cumulation of being put off ate away at her over time.
“I just want to feel needed by those around me. What’s so wrong with that?!” Yae yelled.
“Hey,” Arai said impatiently, but Yae didn’t stop. She continued to cry, bent down over the cold stone pavement.
“The hardest part of mapmaking is the field surveys. Walking to every single house on my own two feet was so hard and time-consuming. Some people treated me like a prowler, and others complained to me for hours. My boss shoved all the field surveys onto me because I was a ‘hard worker’ and ‘well-mannered’ and therefore perfect for the job, but that wasn’t fair! And if I pushed back, he would just guilt-trip me, saying I chose this job, but I didn’t; that’s not what I wanted!”
Yae knew as she screamed that she was partially at fault for not refusing. But this wasn’t about her self-awareness or lack thereof; she simply wanted to expel all the frustration that had built up in her chest.
“Even my marriage… Chief Kadaru just wanted to use me and have me return to Kaki Province once my role was done. He didn’t think for one second about how hard that would be for me. Do my feelings matter that little? I hate how worthless everyone thinks I am… I didn’t choose to be born Natureless,” Yae said, voice still trembling. But she was steadily calming down.
“Hey,” Arai said again, grabbing Yae’s arm. “Telling me all of this isn’t going to help. There’s nothing I can do.”
What in the world am I doing? Yae thought dimly as he lifted her face. As he said, this wasn’t the time for complaining about her personal problems. She had been overwhelmed by the long, dizzying chain of events and forgot her promise to herself to always stay calm. It had been a mentally traumatic day that seemed to call into question everything she had ever done.
“…Are you really Natureless? …I certainly don’t smell anything from you,” Arai said, suddenly leaning his head toward her neck. Those words were like a stake through Yae’s heart.
“What does it matter if I’m Natureless? Should I take a scented bath? Would that satisfy you?” Yae snapped, and her tears gushed forth. Arai looked put off again.
Seeing Arai’s face up close made Yae feel even worse. He truly was handsome and seeing her unsightly, tear-stained face reflected in his beautiful eyes was more than she could bear.
“Don’t think I’ll let you get away with doing whatever you please just because you’re handsome and Wild-Natured!” Yae warned, her anger flaring up again as she peered into his face.
His irises each contained a crest of five circles positioned around his pupil in a star shape. The circles spun around his pupils in accordance with his emotions. Moving crests were very rare, and only people with exceptional divine power had them. Yae had heard that some moving crests had bird, butterfly, or star shapes, but she had never seen one until now.
“So you were dumped by a Wild-Natured man… Oh yeah, there was talk of you being married off to a man in another province,” Arai muttered as if just recalling it.
“…How do you know that?” Yae asked.
Arai made an exasperated expression and didn’t answer her question. “That marriage never would have worked out. A Wild-Natured man would never fall for a Natureless woman.”
Yae knew that, but it upset her to hear it said so matter-of-factly.
“I’m not marrying you, so I couldn’t care less about your Nature,” he said with total disinterest. He brushed his unruly bangs aside in annoyance and pulled Yae forcefully to her feet. “Whatever happens, you’re my life. Let’s get moving.”
Arai started to walk without waiting for Yae’s response.