I woke up alone and sat up. I looked at my hands, my body, and lost hope.
Thought so…
Even though I’d been glowing so brilliantly before, my body had now turned into an invisible nothingness. I wasn’t here anymore. My physical form didn’t exist.
Obviously.
After falling from the sparkling stars, I’d come back to where I was crushed like a piece of roadkill. There was no colorful, pulsing motorcycle here. The crash site was sealed off, now populated by roving heavy machinery. Reality was black and brown and dull. I slipped past the tape and started walking down the road.
I trudged along in search of Kengo, invisible to everyone else. I was heading for the hospital the ambulance rushed him to after he was loaded onto the stretcher. I went through the entrance and hung around the lobby, but obviously no one was gonna tell me which floor he was on. I was invisible. I climbed the stairs, turned the hallways, and went through a ton of doors, all to find Kengo.
And eventually, I did.
The room was full of machines, and there were a surprising amount of people gathered around him. They were practically shouting at each other, hurriedly swapping out tools and touching his open wounds. He was lying on his back with a light-blue cloth hanging down over him like a tent. There was a hole in his stomach that everyone was sticking their hands into. I was desperate to see his face, so I ducked under the cloth. The bright lights of the operating room shone through it, making him glow blue.
His eyes were closed. There was an oxygen mask on his dirty face that was connected to a tank via a tube. He was breathing, but it was clearly labored. Kengo had come to the end of his long journey with me and arrived here. He was in the form of my true love, and he was breathing.
Meeting him over and over again made me so happy. I was able to travel through a dream that lasted millions and millions of years with him. Nothing could have made me happier. But it couldn’t last. I needed to end it at any cost because I wanted to save Kengo. I wondered if he’d understand.
Are you still mad? Please don’t be. I love you.
I couldn’t touch him even if I reached out for him, so I slowly leaned forward and let my body overlap with his glowing blue form. The parts where we touched were the first parts of me to start gradually melting away. The boundaries that separated me from the world and kept me as me were vanishing.
Was this how Kengo had reached into me too? Did he leave his body to make contact with me? Lose himself to come look for me? I still remembered how gentle his fingers were. He used them to stroke my cheeks and push back my hair. It wouldn’t be long before I forgot all about how gentle he was. It was just how things go.
On the plus side, I wouldn’t have to worry about the flow of time anymore. Before I could forget everything, and as I continued to melt and disappear into Kengo, I decided when and where I’d wake up next. I already had perfect knowledge of the future.
Once the summer’s over, you’re gonna go back to your apartment. My mom and dad are gonna come visit all the time. Sometimes Mom’ll come by herself. She’ll still be looking for me, and she’s going to be desperately trying to follow the traces of me that exist in you. Dad’s going to stay mentally strong to protect her, but she won’t be able to do the same. She’ll keep searching for me till she reaches the very end of her own thread. Time will keep passing until she makes it to the point where it stops, and that’s where she’ll finally find me. And then we’ll wait together for Dad, who we love with all our hearts.
You’re going to meet so many people who will love you. One of them—someone very special—is going to walk with you into your future. She’ll stay right there by your side as you unite and become a family, as you grow older, and as you start needing a cane to walk. You’ll slowly walk up that slope together, listening to the waves. The wind that makes her long skirt flutter will bring the slight scent of rain with it. You’ll look up at the sky and remember falling with Rara, the alien, from beyond those clouds. You’ll remember the long, long dream you shared with her. You’ve told the story over and over, but she’ll patiently listen to you tell it again. You’ll be happier than you’ve ever been, there with the woman you love. You’ll be fine. I mean that. I’m not lying. I already know everything. I’ve known for a long time. The rain will fall out of happiness for your joy. That’s what you’ll smell.
But none of this has happened to you yet. You’re still standing at the end of summer. Rara isn’t there anymore. You’ve only just been discharged and gone back to your apartment. You turned on the TV to see an alien. It was a relay broadcast from who-knows-where. And you listened to me telling you all of this. I’m sorry it got so wordy. I’m done now. Thank you again. I was always told that I was bad at keeping calm. I guess it was true. My story jumped all over the place. It was hard to follow, right?
Wait, I meant to welcome you back, but I totally forgot and started blabbing. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna start all over just ’cause of that. I mean, I already got through everything. So I’m gonna say it now. I’m gonna wave and be nice and loud so everyone can hear.
“Welcome back!”
There are lots and lots of you who, on the same day, opened the door and walked through it into this room at the exact same moment, sitting down in the exact same pose. You’re all here. You’re all listening to me speak to you through the TV. You hear that? Another one of you was born every loop. There were tens, hundreds, thousands, millions of you—and you’ve all come back to the exact same spot. You’ve all come back here. You’re all making the same face, crying the same tears, and calling out for the same alien with the same voice.
This is how it’s meant to be. I couldn’t be happier knowing that all of you are right here. See how wide my smile is? You’ve got a long future ahead of you. All of you.
“D’ya think you’re dreaming ’cause there’s an alien on TV? This is a dream, actually, but your world isn’t gonna end when you wake up. Everything’s gonna carry on from where it left off today, from when you came back to your room without me. You’ll be at tomorrow morning. But you’ll be fine. I said it, so it’s true. The world isn’t going to end, and you’re going to be fine. You’ll wake up in five seconds. Ready? Five seconds. Four. Three. Can you hear me? You’re there, right? Don’t panic. Just open your eyes… Two.”
Take a deep breath.