Kosuke Matsunaga, his father, looked very healthy there in the hallway. His eyes were strong, his complexion good, and his cheeks weren’t thin and gaunt. His hair and beard were neatly trimmed, and he was dressed in freshly laundered work clothes with gleaming white socks, not a single stain anywhere. Mitsuhiro felt his heart warm up when he saw the words “Matsunaga Construction” embroidered on the breast pocket of Kosuke’s outfit.
When was the last time he saw his dad so full of energy? He remembered the box of Hi-Lites that Kosuke kept with him like some protective charm, saying that he’d smoke ’em up once he got better after being hospitalized with lung cancer. In the end, they’d gone with him to the crematorium.
“You gotta be careful with fire,” a suddenly sterner Kosuke said.
Mitsuhiro stiffened, imagining Kosuke going into one of his rages. In that moment, he felt like he had gone from being thirty-two years old all the way back to thirteen.
That was around when Kosuke changed, too. It wasn’t like his business had gone downhill or his clients were treating him like garbage. He’d just be constantly tensed up, quick to fly into rages over the tiniest little thing. At first, Mitsuhiro and his mother tried to tiptoe around it, but this soon evolved into basic fear of the man. By the time Mitsuhiro entered high school, though, he was simply tired of the treatment and no longer feared his father. Instead, he actively washed his hands of any responsibility for the man.
When Mitsuhiro turned twenty, Kosuke had been diagnosed with cancer, and his body grew incredibly small and thin. Mitsuhiro felt sorry for having shunned him all that time, but he never shook the feeling that Kosuke had brought it all upon himself. That was his outlook for years afterward, even after Kosuke went to the crematorium.
Now Mitsuhiro was suddenly struck by the feeling that all of his experiences up until now had been a dream. He was actually still just thirteen years old. The anxiety froze him in place.
“You’re being strict with your child. I’m proud of you.” Kosuke smiled again.
Mitsuhiro lowered his shoulders, letting the tension unwind. It was pathetic how relaxed that one smile made him feel. His heart was pounding, but the relief was far stronger.
“Yeah. I went a little too far, though.”
“No, that was just right. I’m sure your wife thinks she can trust you to do the right thing now, deep down.”
“You think?”
Mitsuhiro laughed a bit. He had his doubts, but he was beginning to suspect that Miyoko really did think that way.
“Sure I do. Sometimes, you know, it’s best to stand your ground and draw a line in the sand. Hell, from now on, you should always do that. Not just with your kid and your parents, either. Speak up to those nagging in-laws of yours. Them and the people at work who keep dumping their problems on you.”
“Yeah… You’re right. I don’t know if I have it in me, but I’ll try.”
He wasn’t at all confident, but saying that out loud made it seem surprisingly doable.
“You can do it. Trust me,” Kosuke said, seeming to read all of Mitsuhiro’s emotions. “Now go hit the sack, okay? You got important work to do. Have to make the hole happy.”
“The hole…?” Mitsuhiro asked out loud, but he immediately realized that his father meant the hole in the East Wing basement.
Ah. It made sense. There was no point fighting the ash that was following him around. He had to go down there and give that hole what it wanted.
“I’ll do my best to find Yoshikazu Hara.”
“You better,” Kosuke said, grabbing his son’s shoulders and patting them lightly. “It’s the most important job your company has. The biggest of them all. Hang in there for me, okay, Mitsuhiro? Your dad’s rooting for you.”
Mitsuhiro felt his heart warm up again. He never thought the day would come when his father would acknowledge him like this. Encourage him, even.
“…Thank you.”
His voice trembled despite himself. He wiped away the tears welling up in his eyes.
“Go to bed, okay? You got your work cut out for you.”
“All right. Good night, Dad.”
“Good night.”
Kosuke disappeared into the living room. Mitsuhiro sniffled a bit, took a deep breath, and headed for his bedroom. There was no one in the living room, but he didn’t bother looking for Kosuke. Just seeing him in such good health and getting to speak to him was enough.
Mitsuhiro quietly got into bed, trying not to wake up Miyoko. With another deep breath, he fell asleep.
In his dreams, he began to wonder what he should do about the other person on his mind right now—Mole Unit-01, the owner of that Twitter account. Mitsuhiro didn’t know his face or his name. How was he ever going to find him?
…It’s okay. Don’t worry. He could feel his father standing right beside him, saying that to him again. Don’t worry about that guy. He’s had the ashes on him for a while now anyway. There’s nothing to worry about.
With relief, Mitsuhiro stopped thinking about it.
He didn’t sleep for very long, but he woke up in terrific shape, physically and mentally. At least, that was how he felt. But when he finished brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Miyoko stood up, still half-asleep, and blinked a bit.
“Hey, are you okay? You look really tired.”
“I do?”
Mitsuhiro stared intently at himself in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes, yes, but he didn’t feel tired at all, so it couldn’t be anything to worry about.
“I didn’t get much sleep, but I feel fine, so…”
Miyoko still looked concerned, so he changed the subject.
“What about Sae? Should we wake her up for school?”
“No, let’s keep her here today and see how she feels.”
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Oh, by the way, the smell from the microwave is gone, isn’t it?”
Miyoko’s eyes widened. She backed out into the hallway, turned toward the kitchen, and sniffed. “You’re right. It’s all gone.”
“Guess we don’t have to buy a new one after all.”
“I hope not.”
Miyoko frowned doubtfully, but she went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
After getting dressed, Mitsuhiro was eating his fried eggs and toast when Sae woke up, seeming a little dazed, and sat down at the table. Miyoko poured her some orange juice.
“How ’bout we take the day off school today, Sae?”
“What? But I’m just fine!”
The two of them continued their noisy bickering for a while.
What are you doing? Just lay down the law with her. Mitsuhiro could sense his father standing nearby, offering his advice, but he couldn’t bring himself to follow it.
Shut up, you two! The breadwinner of this family is trying to have a peaceful goddamn breakfast for a change, all right? So keep your stupid mouths shut and eat!
He vividly imagined himself bellowing like that, and he couldn’t stand it. Not even his own father got that bad. No, Kosuke was just constantly preoccupied with his work. He barely took any time out at all to eat with his family, much less attempt meaningful conversation with them.
Still, the urge to raise his voice at his wife and child grew stronger…but he knew it’d just make his relationship with Miyoko worse, so he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Now he just felt weak. Like he had disappointed his father somehow. And as he watched Sae reluctantly agree to Miyoko’s persuasion from the corner of his eye, he silently trudged out of the condo.
It took buying a bottle of water at the station and riding the train for a while before he regained his composure. Why let that discourage you? You’ll have plenty of opportunities to discipline your family in the future. He felt like his father was sitting next to him, giving him life advice.
When he arrived at the office and put his bag on his desk, his boss, Takenaka, came right over. As soon as he saw Mitsuhiro’s face, he frowned and peered at him closely.
“What’s wrong? You look tired.”
“Uh…well, my daughter had a medical emergency last night, so I didn’t get much sleep.”
“She did?”
“It was dehydration or something… She’s fine now.”
“Oh. With this heat, I get it. That must have been tough. How’re you feeling?”
“Good, thanks. I’ll be in the company car starting today anyway.”
“Don’t get into any accidents.”
“I won’t. If I find Yoshikazu Hara, I’ll need to bring him into the car to talk, though.”