Monday
Night
YANO-SAN HAD BROUGHT IT with her during the day because that was the only time she could give it to her.
She had probably brought it all the way to class instead of giving it to her during arrival because she had happened to stop by the nurse’s office while Noto-sensei was busy tending to the injured first-year.
Though I had known that it was this week, I had no idea that Noto-sensei’s birthday was today.
However, knowing this did nothing to ease my feelings of guilt.
And so, that night, I decided to go and apologize.
I couldn’t apologize to her during the day, but I could at least do it at night. I, the monster, could accomplish at least that much.
It was the first time I’d be seeing Yano-san at night in a while. Realizing that it was also the first time that I had ever come for the express purpose of resolving something between us, I began to grow a bit nervous.
It was possible that she might not even come tonight. It was raining, after all. She might be depressed over what I had done to her.
If she was here, it was possible that she might be opposed to my apology. She might say that if it was something worth apologizing for, then I shouldn’t had done it in the first place. Even though I had acted correctly as a member of our class, I could not expect Yano-san to accept that.
I was uneasy, but I could deal with any complaints. However, I had no idea what I would do if her reaction was any more violent than that.
I thought of Yano-san’s face.
After a slightly more delayed transformation than usual, I flew to the school. With the power of my imagination, I sprouted wings like a giant bat and soared through the sky. I bet that if Yano-san saw those wings, she would be delighted, I thought to myself, hoping to absolve my own sin.
As always, when I arrived at school, I alighted upon the roof, remembering the first time that I had come there. This time, however, I didn’t feel that same rush that I did then. The only similarity between this time and that one was my own nervousness.
The school, as always, was quiet. Though the building was all shut up for the night, not a single door or window open, it felt far more accessible than it ever did during the day, full of the chatter of students, the warmth of bodies.
It was because I was a monster and because there was no one here right now. When I was a human, I felt closed in. Not by walls or ceilings but by people’s sense of justice, their ill intent, and their shared sense of unity.
There was no doubting that Yano-san felt even more trapped, more stifled, than I did.
Of course she would. This empty, open school at night was probably the only place where she could breathe freely.
Suddenly, I felt like for the first time, I truly understood what she meant by “midnight break.”
I soon arrived at the front of the classroom, opening the door before I gathered my full resolve. The more prepared I was, the less likely that I would have been able to show my face.
Yano-san was inside the classroom, sitting at her seat, as always. She looked my way and opened her mouth stupidly.
“Whoa, long…time no…see.”
There had only been two nights where I hadn’t shown up. Four, if you include the weekend, but perhaps Yano-san felt the passage of time a bit differently than I did.
The daytime probably felt very long for her.
“Yeah, been a while.”
I moved to the back of the classroom and morphed myself into a comfortable size. As I wondered how to break the ice, Yano-san put her phone into her pocket and turned back towards me.
“So,” she said, and I grew uneasy, worried that I was about to be attacked for what I had done during the day. “Have you been any…where fun lately?”
I was wrong.
It was a question, abrupt as always. I nodded, assuming that she was referring to the nighttime.
“I’ve been a lot of places.”
“Really?”
“Nowhere super fun, though. I tried going a bunch of places to sightsee, but there was no one around, and shrines and stuff are super creepy to go to at night.”
“It’s weird… that you get scared…even when you look like…that.”
As always, her choice of words was just a little bit off, I thought. It was the kind of phrasing that invited conflicts and misunderstandings. Still, I was not going to bother saying anything about that today.
“Acchi…kun, do you prefer…Europe or A…sia?”
“What’s with those two choices? I’ve never been outside Japan.”
“I see. I…was actually wondering, what would happen if…you went overseas at…night, and it turned to morning because of the…time difference.”
“…I wonder about that, too.”
I hadn’t thought of it before, but her innocent question bothered me.
“It’d probably be bad if you turned…back into your daytime form over…the ocean.”
“…That’d be dangerous.”
Just this morning at dawn, I had been thinking that I might go overseas. Perhaps it would be best to put those thoughts to rest.
“I wonder if you could ma…nipulate time with your powers of i…magination, Acchi-kun.”
“No way. I’m pretty sure I can’t control anything outside of myself.”
Even with this impossible form of mine, some things were still out of the question.
“I…see.”
Her disappointment was easy to read, almost conspicuously so. She looked up at the ceiling and sputtered out a sigh.
“I thought you…could make it nighttime for…ever.”
I concealed the chattering of my body.
If only it could be night forever.
That was probably an earnest desire for Yano-san.
Still, that was impossible. No matter what, morning would come, even if for Yano-san the rising of the sun must have felt like standing before the gates of Hell. There was no such thing as an endless night. It pained me that there was no way that I could possibly grant her wish.
“Well, have you tried?” I thought she might ask.
Unfortunately for her, if I really could make the night draw on longer, it would have already happened.
It would have happened even before the first time I encountered her at night. Because I, too, had always thought how nice it would be if the night went on forever. And yet the sun always rose. I returned to my human form, changed my clothes, ate breakfast, and headed to school.
Even I, who did not hate school from the bottom of my heart, had had such thoughts. I understood Yano-san’s words, and the fact that they were more than just passing suggestion, so much that it hurt.