“What’s up, Acchi? Your stomach hurt?”
Though I had tried the whole day to conceal how rattled I’d been that morning, Kasai began to fuss over me during cleanup time. So that no one would make any false assumptions, I put a weary look on my face. “I’m just tired of all these class duties. How come we only ever seem to have music or gym or whatever when it’s my turn?”
Iguchi had been visibly depressed all day, but it didn’t seem that anyone was fussing much about her. In all likelihood, one or all of the girls who had harassed her the day before were guilty of defacing her notebook. They all seemed to be avoiding her now. Likely everyone else was aware of how they had been bothering her, assumed the cause, and thought nothing of it.
In other words, no one bothered comforting her because everyone felt the same way: If she was going to help Yano, she’d better suck it up and take her punishment.
Likewise, while I was worried about her, I didn’t speak to her any more than usual. I didn’t know to what extent our classmates intended to make an example out of Iguchi, so it was best to avoid sticking up for her. Really, there was nothing I could do.
Once our fifth and sixth hours of class were over, we were back in the homeroom, ready to leave for the day. Other than Yano being ignored and harassed, and Iguchi being depressed, it had been a fairly uneventful day. School wrapped up with announcements for next week and our homeroom teacher’s usual reminder that “Exams are coming soon!”
Tomorrow was a free day. The thought lightened my spirits, just a little.
After we said our salutations, those who had club activities and those who had arrangements to hang out after school quickly exited the classroom.
Usually, after school, a few students still loitered around the room, gossiping or furtively eating snacks. Today, though, even Kasai and his crew ended up moving to the cafeteria. One by one, the others left as well.
Suddenly, Iguchi and I, the two on duty for the day, were left alone.
Even the girls who were normally friendly with Iguchi had made a swift retreat for fear of getting caught up in whatever was going on—a wise decision. Even I thought it was best to withdraw as much as possible. There was no place for kindness here.
We dutifully went about our tasks, but somehow remaining silent was making things even weirder, so I decided to pass the time with some completely frivolous conversation.
“I heard there’s been a kaiju around,” I said.
I’m not sure whether the look of shock on her face was due to the fact I’d started talking about something as ridiculous as a kaiju or because I had spoken to her at all. Though she said nothing, she continued looking my way, so I averted my eyes and continued.
“Or at least that’s what a lot of people have been saying lately. Story goes that if you look outside at night, you’ll see a huge black kaiju walking around. But if you try to take a picture of it, apparently nothing shows up.”
I thought that, at the very least, she would give me some kind of reaction. However, she still said nothing, and so I ended up glancing her way. I instantly regretted it.
She was smiling, painfully.
“Th…thank you.”
Unlike the stilted way that Yano normally spoke, it sounded as though the words were stopped up inside Iguchi’s throat.
I had no idea why she was thanking me. “For what?”
“For trying to make me feel better with that joke. I wasn’t expecting that. I know you, Adachi-kun. It isn’t like you to try to cheer someone up. And you’d never talk about something as childish as a kaiju.”
She chuckled, her voice still seeming a bit pained. I cursed myself.
The only reason that I had even accepted the ridiculous premise of a kaiju running around was because I was the genuine article. It was just one of the stupid things we boys discussed amongst ourselves, things we said without even believing. It was obvious that Iguchi, who knew nothing of the rumors, would take it that way. Especially if I talked about it at a time like this.
Iguchi continued to smile and then spoke to me in a trembling voice. “You saw it, didn’t you?”
My heart raced, just as it had that morning. “Don’t even worry about it,” I replied.
Utterly pointless advice. If everyone could simply go around not worrying about things at will, the world would sure be a carefree place. Real life was harder than that.
“I think it’ll be over soon,” I said, feeling compelled to keep talking. I feared the silence and that Iguchi might break it by spilling her guts. I couldn’t bear the thought of either.
“Yeah. I guess that’s just how it goes,” she said.
I’m sure that was what everyone in our class thought regarding Iguchi’s dejected mood. It surprised me that Iguchi felt the same way. Just how it goes, just how it goes. That was just how things went if you happened to pick up Yano’s eraser for her, accident or no. Just how it goes when you put a damper on our class’s shared sense of unity. The haranguing, the graffiti. Those were just par for the course.
No matter how many unfortunate incidents piled up, that was just how it was. It wasn’t worth worrying about; it was something you tried to not even see. I should have been brushing the whole thing off too, but no one could possibly deny that it was tragic to see Iguchi trying to convince herself of the same thing regarding her circumstance.
It was, and yet my own personal empathy for her was completely off the mark.
“I can’t complain, I mean, I…”
She took a longer, deeper breath than usual.
“…I did the same thing to Yano-san.”
“You mean ignoring her?”
Iguchi shook her head.
Then she told me about what had happened yesterday after school, after the rest of us had left. She had been interrogated, insulted, her integrity questioned, and attacked without so much as a chance to defend herself. And finally, to prove that she didn’t consider Yano to be a member of the class, she was told to write terrible things on Yano’s notebook. And so she couldn’t complain if someone did the same thing to her.
I was at a loss for words.
Iguchi might have assumed that Yano was the one responsible, that she was out for some kind of payback. But…I don’t think she believed that. I realized it partway through her confession, something about the way she spoke to me. It was like she was apologizing to me in place of Yano, in a way that she never could to Yano herself. Normally, one should never voice such sympathy for Yano, but it was just the two of us here, so I didn’t bother to stop her.
That said, I don’t think me listening to her story made Iguchi’s heart any lighter.
For some reason, the whole time she was talking, I kept thinking to myself that Iguchi might be the one outlier in our class.
Perhaps she felt less cautious at the end of our talk because I was the only one there. Or maybe she had just grown desperate? Either way, she confided in me a doubt which no one in our class should ever dare to speak.
“It’s so weird, Adachi! Why should everyone always be so awful to Yano-san?”
I checked out on the conversation then and there. I didn’t so much as reply. Not even a “Yeah” or an “I guess.” I turned all of my attention back onto my classroom chores. I wasn’t ignoring her, but what else could I do? That was just how it was.
Things would have turned out better if I had made my decision then.