“Cordula...” I said, deferring to my head attendant.
“Alexandria might not have its own books, but that should pose no issue. The aub lent us several to be traded with other duchies.”
A quiet sigh escaped me; I could not have been more thankful for the thoroughness of Cordula’s preparations. I thought to take a moment to savor the good news, but Rasantark and several apprentice knights burst out of the brewing room before I could. They met my eye and rushed straight toward me.
“Lady Hannelore!” Rasantark exclaimed. “Is it true what Professor Rauffen said?! Will you not be playing in the welcoming ditter?!”
“Manners,” Cordula warned.
Rasantark knelt before me, and the knights with him followed suit. He apologized for his rudeness and asked again, more politely this time.
“Does that really surprise you?” I responded. “I have never once participated in welcoming ditter. I shall spend the time brewing for my upcoming classes, as I always do.”
Those who intended to take part were given priority access to the brewing room. Those who did not carried out their brewing during the match. My decision not to play was perfectly normal to me, but Rasantark was stunned; I could see the shock in his chestnut eyes.
“But we were beyond excited to play with you—with someone who has experienced true ditter...!”
“Perhaps, but my retainers have already made their plans around my lack of participation.”
As an archduke candidate, changing my mind on a whim would cause chaos for those who had planned around my current schedule. Rasantark was my brother’s retainer, so I thought he would understand. I was entirely unmoved when he instead slumped over.
Whatever should I do...?
Just as I moved to consult Cordula, Rasantark looked up again. So intense was the desperation in his eyes that I was struck with the urge to avert my own. He was always so troublesome when he got in one of his moods.
I still remember the time he had me blast him with mana so he could test his response to an attack from an archduke candidate!
Lestilaut could have run the test for him, but Rasantark’s pleas to have me do it had culminated in a ditter match between my brother’s and my retainers. The memory alone put me on guard as Rasantark continued to stare at me.
“You need not participate, Lady Hannelore, but come watch the game, at least. I shall demonstrate my might so that you acknowledge me as worthy of your hand in marriage!”
At once, the room buzzed with excited chatter. Someone even whispered, “This is like something out of a love story.”
Indeed, it might appear that way...
Resisting the urge to sigh, I allowed Rasantark to continue.
“Just as Lord Ferdinand and Lord Heisshitze forged an unbreakable friendship through ditter, you forged a friendship with Lady Rozemyne. I wish to grow our love in the same manner. Then we shall marry, and I shall play ditter against Aub Alexandria!”
So proud and excited was Rasantark that his cheeks had gone red. He was far from the only one—many of our spectators watched with rapt interest, taken with the glory of the idea. Sorry though I was to rain on their parade, I considered the whole spectacle a tremendous disappointment. Perhaps to Rasantark, this was the mightiest proposal he could muster, but the future he presented was far from what I desired.
His only wish is to play ditter with Alexandria.
Enjoying ditter within Dunkelfelger was one thing, but playing with Alexandria after my coming of age was completely out of the question. Whether he married me or not, Rasantark’s wish would never come true.
“Lord Rasantark intends to prove his worth, and so soon after being chosen as one of Lady Hannelore’s prospective spouses!” one noble girl cooed. “How wonderfully forward of him!”
“If only he had paired those words with the magic tools of courtship. Lady Hannelore would have been moved to tears!” another added. “Perhaps he was too busy preparing his feystone.”
“I must lend him one of my romance novels. Which one was Lady Hannelore’s favorite, again?”
“Lady Hannelore! After such a passionate entreaty, how can you not come watch the ditter match?”
My mood grew worse with each bright and cheery squeal. I wanted nothing more than to bolt from the common room at once. I normally leapt at any chance to rave about romance novels, but the thought of being questioned about Rasantark or pressured into being with him made my skin crawl.
I turned to Cordula, then stood, attempting to mask my true emotions with a smile. “Whether I visit the training grounds will depend on how Dregarnuhr the Goddess of Time weaves her threads. Do pray to her as well, Rasantark.”
My response meant only that I would try to attend, assuming I had time to spare after brewing, but Rasantark beamed nonetheless. Guilt ate away at me as I exited the common room; so intense was my desire to avoid the ditter match that even his brightest grin made me feel despondent.
My apologies, Rasantark. A marriage founded on ditter does not appeal to me in the slightest.
Once we were back in my chambers, Cordula gave me a wry smile. “You might not appreciate having suitors thrust upon you, but you cannot simply continue to avoid them. Unless you are honest—with them and yourself—you will never come to a decision you can make peace with.”
I pursed my lips. No matter how I thought about it, I would never be glad to receive an offer to watch a game of ditter. Rasantark would need to find some other way to impress me.
I spent the start of welcoming ditter in the brewing room, which was almost completely empty. Most students attended the game whether they were taking part or not, and those who refrained tended to be the sort who would rather hole up in their rooms.
“That should do it,” I said.
“Indeed, milady. So let us go watch the game. The subordinates of Light do not look kindly upon those who break their promises.”
Because almost everyone was attending the ditter match, I had been able to complete my brewing even faster than anticipated. As much as it pained me, I no longer had an excuse not to join them.
I prayed so much, to no avail. Could it be that Dregarnuhr despises me already?
Left with no other choice, I trudged back to my room, my feet as heavy as my mood. Then I started toward the training grounds, moving as slowly as I could get away with. I was still en route when I crossed paths with Kenntrips. Only once he had secured my retainers’ permission did he approach me.
“Kenntrips wishes to watch the game with you,” Cordula informed me.
“I do not mind, but... Kenntrips, would you not rather participate?”