Kuji's penis was slow to harden. Frustrated, he dug his nails into the head. A little pain always made it feel good. Eventually some liquid began to dribble from his member, and made wet sounds as his hands fondled it. Kuji looked at Song with teary eyes.
"Aren't you gonna get angry?"
Song said nothing as he held Kuji's head to his chest. Kuji felt his whole body being wrapped in warmth and comfort.
Kuji pulled his pants down to his thighs and began to stroke his penis with both hands. Once in a while, he rubbed its glistening tip against Song's clothes.
"Ahh, nnh——! So—good—ahh!"
Kuji let go of all restraint as he moaned loudly in pleasure and moved his fingers vigorously. When he closed his eyes, he saw the same light that he always did. The dazzling light came cascading down upon him from on high. Encompassed in its glow, Kuji called the name of the man he loved.
They held each other as they lay on the floor of the kitchen. Kuji woke from his shallow slumber and looked up at the man who held him.
Anything the man said now would have made him feel embarrassed. Kuji hastily averted his eyes. But Song said nothing as he continued to stroke his back. He wished they could be like this forever.
Kuji resolutely sat up, rearranged himself, and extracted himself from Song's arms. He pulled up his pants, putting away his now-drooping penis. He looked at the man's white clothing, which he had splattered with cum.
"I made it dirty."
"That's all right. I just have to put it in the wash."
Even though Kuji hadn't said a word of apology, Song still understood. The thought made Kuji rub his eyes hastily as they began to water. He didn't want to embarrass himself any more in front of Song.
"Take it off, then. I'll put it in the wash before it stains," Kuji said as he took the surplice from Song. The topic of laundry reminded him of something else. "Say, I decided to do laundry work at that place."
"Laundry?"
"At Morimoto's."
Kuji then remembered Nango's words.
"Why are you so hung up on him?" he asked. Song got to his feet and walked toward the coffee maker. He turned it on and turned back to face Kuji with a grave expression on his face.
"Homeless people, as you probably know, have no one to turn to. Some people try to take advantage of that. Maybe Internet cafe refugees are slightly different, but you can never be too careful."
Although Kuji wasn't quite sure what the man meant, he remembered Nango's words. People from the North.
"Does it... have something to do with your country? With abduction?"
Song widened his eyes for a moment. Kuji inwardly regretted it. He wasn't supposed to know that Cheon-wang was in the North.
But Song nonetheless turned a pair of calm eyes to Kuji.
"It might be, it might not be. It's not only abduction. I've met many people from many different countries through NPOs and Emmaus, and I've heard about the kind of crimes that people from impoverished countries get caught up in."
Kuji wondered what that had to do with people not having family to turn to, but he could not bring himself to pursue it further.
"I see."
Kuji headed to the bathroom with the surplice in hand. He tossed it into the washing machine that was in the adjacent change room. While he was at it, he took off everything he was wearing and tossed it in the wash as well.
He gazed at the water swirling inside the machine as he thought - about how he had masturbated in Song's lap.
It had felt so good because Song was watching over him. Even though he hadn't been able to get the man to penetrate him. The man had still let Kuji pleasure himself. He hadn't gotten angry when Kuji had called his name when he came.
He figured the man probably pitied him. But he didn't care. He decided that from now on, whenever he got in the mood, he would think about Song while he pleasured himself. Song had let him, at least.
Until now, whenever he had masturbated while thinking about Song, he had always felt degradation and regret. But now that he knew Song would forgive him for it, he knew he could do it without feeling ashamed. This was enough. At least for him.
I know. When Nango fucks me, I'll just think about Song when I come. Kuji smiled to himself while he closed the door of the washing machine. He realized his limbs felt light and he could move them with ease, even though they had been hurt and had felt leaden and heavy before.
As Kuji emerged from his daydream, the cold air chilled his stark-naked body. He sneezed as he made his way up to the second floor. Once he lay down on his bed, numerous thoughts rose in his mind.
Nango had said that Song was a sleeper for the North.
But if he was, why would he be occupied about Morimoto? Wouldn't he only draw suspicion by mentioning things that could be connected to abduction? In that sense, Kuji felt almost certain that there was no way that Song would be from the North.
Nango was wrong, he thought.
But that was all right - if it meant he could continue to be with Song.
He would do everything he could for the man to make him happy. He would prove to Song that he was useful. That way, if he escaped from Nango, Song would probably let him stay here. I don't believe in God, but I believe in you. You forgive and accept everything about me.
No matter what horrible things I've done.
In his dreams, Kuji was playing the organ with Song.
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.