AZUSA was straddling my stomach as she ran a box cutter along her wrist and glared down at me. Her usual innocence took a backseat to a serious, challenging voice.
Azusa made this aggressive move the moment we got back to the mansion. Once I dropped her off at her room, I returned to my room to change as I usually do. I removed the dreadful contact lenses and pulled off my coat, when a reserved knock came from the door. I concentrated my awareness to sense she was in front of my room and found myself tackled the moment I opened the door to see what was up. She pushed me against the ground and straddled my stomach to keep me from getting back up.
Then she pulled out a box cutter and presented me with this ultimatum, “Please decide whether you prefer me to force my blood on you or if you are going to take a drink for yourself.”
At the time, I didn’t even try to comprehend what she was saying as her erratic, impulsive actions took me by complete surprise. My brain gradually shifted from her presence on top of me to decoding what she said. Put simply, she found out. Either Tsukiharu or Youta pointed out my need for blood, resulting in her apprehension I might die.
If I put my real thoughts into words, it would have been, “You should just leave me be.”
Instead, I said, “I don’t understand your desperation.”
“I don’t want you to die, obviously!”
I didn’t know how to react to her instant reply.
I’m on the side that abducted her and locked her in this town. While she may have come to trust me somewhat for her survival, I can only see everything going in a positive direction for her if I die. With me gone, the extent I observe and report back on her will disappear with me, and she’ll be free of my nagging. Most of all, I’m sure she would enjoy her life more if the person she was stuck with all the time was better with words. I believe she has more perseverance than most people considering how she doesn’t complain about having her actions limited or being watched 24/7 by a man who can’t even crack a joke.
My heart ached at the thought. I couldn’t breathe when I realized I just logically explained how she could never wish for me to stay alive. Many people find my existence a nuisance. She is simply one of many. Even so, it deeply pains me. Despite her not fearing my eyes, despite her happily approaching me, I am just a nuisance to her in the end. I’m nothing more than a nuisance in her life. If that is the case, what reason could she have to not wish me dead?
I pondered what benefit my living could have for her. And then it instantly hit me. Our contract. She gained a lot more freedom than before due to our contract. Maybe she thinks she would lose all her newfound freedom if I die.
The thought darkens my mood, making my words come out deeper and sharper than usual, “Even if that were to happen, it has nothing to do with you. You can just switch over to Ichi as your contractor.”
For some reason, I couldn’t say, “Ichi or Subaru”. Naturally, I have no intentions of dying any time soon, but I thought if anything were to happen to me, another woman would be best to take over the contract with Azusa. It’s not something I brought up out of consideration of Azusa’s feelings, but to satisfy my own ego.
My response must have rubbed Azusa the wrong way, because she snapped at me, a little red in the face.
“It does have something to do with me! I will be sad if you die, Kouya! I will cry! My eyes will turn bright-red with all the tears! Did you know rabbit eyes are red because they cried a lot from being lonely?”
“……”
“You never change,” I said aloud what I meant as an internal thought. I heard those words once before. The memory of the days she has likely forgotten crossed my mind, slightly soothing my mood. I felt like her words finally reached me. She said she was sad. She said she would be sad and lonely if I die.
“Will you be lonely if I die?” I questioned to ascertain the truth.
She pursed her lips as if to prove how obvious it was with not just her words, but also her actions. “Of course I would be lonely and sad if the person I love dies! Ah, um, by love I mean I love you as a person I know!”
“The person I love.”
I felt as if a rock had just fallen in my stomach.
So that’s it. I love Azusa, I suddenly understood. Regardless of how desperately I rejected acknowledging her as a woman a short while ago, I was quickly convinced I loved her now. Thinking back, I had long since started viewing her as a woman, but I put a lid over those feelings. That lid just shattered.
Wanting to protect her and be with her wasn’t because of my orders. I just wanted to protect and be with her. About eighty percent of my wariness against Tsukiharu was out of jealousy. I just despised him for having her to himself for hours on end while she attended school. It’s an undeniable fact I kept a wary eye on him as the dangerous entity who abducted Azusa and blew a gigantic hole in my gut, but I believe my jealousy ran rampant beyond that.