‘KOKORO, WE HAVE SOMETHING WE need to talk about,’ her mother said one day, as the end of March approached.
Here we go, Kokoro thought.
As they were to talk about Kokoro’s academic future, her mother had asked Ms Kitajima to join them.
‘Actually, Mr Ida also said he wanted to talk to us,’ Ms Kitajima said, prefacing their conversation, choosing her words carefully.
Ms Kitajima said she’d consulted with people at city hall and had special permission for Kokoro to transfer to another school nearby.
Of course, she could also stay at Yukishina No. 5 and she would be placed in a different class from Miori Sanada.
This all came as a surprise to Kokoro. ‘I’ll make sure they keep their promise,’ Ms Kitajima added, an earnest look on her face.
Kokoro nodded silently. ‘What about Moé Tojo?’ she asked.
She didn’t dislike the idea of being in the same class as her. Especially if, as Ms Kitajima had told her, Tojo-san was the one who’d informed her about the problems between Kokoro and Sanada-san.
The note she’d received flitted through a corner of her mind.
That note with the single line. I’m sorry.
‘Well, as for Tojo-san,’ Ms Kitajima responded, her voice striking Kokoro as somewhat brusque, ‘she’ll be transferring again. This time to Nagoya.’
‘What?’
‘Did you not know that her father is a university professor?’
Kokoro was so taken aback she couldn’t even nod.
Last April when they were still travelling to school together, Kokoro remembered seeing all the picture books inside her house, all the unusual foreign books which Tojo-san had shown her. She’d even told Kokoro she’d lend her some.
‘Her father will be teaching at a university in Nagoya starting in April. So Tojo-san will be going to a school there.’
‘Even though she’s only been here for a year?’
‘That’s right. Tojo-san’s changed schools a number of times in the past.’
Kokoro wasn’t sure how to feel about this. She’d no longer be living in the house two doors down.
I’m sorry. The line came back to her. When Moé wrote it, the transfer might already have been confirmed. What was she feeling when she wrote her note?
‘Tell me anytime if you’d like to visit No. 1 and No. 3 junior highs,’ Ms Kitajima said. Her face suddenly showed concern again. ‘There’s one more thing I’d like you to remember.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Neither your mother nor I are trying to force you to return to school.’
Kokoro’s eyes widened and Ms Kitajima went on. ‘If you don’t want to go back to your current school, or either of the other junior highs, we’d like to consider all the alternatives, what’s best for you. Coming to our School is certainly one choice, and we can even consider whether homeschooling is possible. You have many options, Kokoro-chan.’
Kokoro looked silently at her mother, sitting quietly beside Ms Kitajima. When their eyes met, her mother nodded at her.
Kokoro choked up.
Her mother took her hand and squeezed it.
‘We’ll work this out together,’ she said.
Kokoro struggled to keep back the tears. She was happy, yet a part of her felt suddenly pained. What about Aki and Fuka?
‘Ms Kitajima?’
‘Yes?’
‘If I end up staying at Yukishina No. 5, Mr Ida won’t still be my homeroom teacher, will he?’
She knew it wasn’t right to hate him, or even dislike him. Since he was trying to do what he thought was right.
‘Mr Ida told me that I needed to respond to Sanada-san’s note. He said Sanada-san felt I was making fun of her, and it upset her. But that’s not my fault.’
The words came pouring out of her. She wasn’t sure if she was angry or upset, but either way she didn’t like the way her voice trembled uncontrollably.
Ms Kitajima looked at Kokoro. ‘I think Sanada-san has her own troubles. And when she sees how you’re different from her, maybe she really does feel like you’re making fun of her.’
Kokoro was silent.
‘It’s not something you need to understand right now. Sanada-san needs to sort out her own issues.’
Ms Kitajima looked intently at Kokoro’s mother.
‘Mr Ida won’t be your teacher next year,’ she said.
In her voice Kokoro thought she could hear echoes of her earlier words, you’re battling every single day, aren’t you?
It was as if a jolt of electricity had run straight through her. The desire within her was so intense to say to Ms Kitajima right there:
Could you please help my friends in another world, too?
To stand up for Aki, and Fuka, and Ureshino, in each of their own worlds.
But she knew it would never work.
✦ ✦ ✦
KOKORO COULDN’T PICTURE AT ALL what Sanada-san’s troubles were, but she knew that Ms Kitajima would help sort them out. This seemed absurd and painful, but that was the kind of person Ms Kitajima was – which was exactly why she could trust her.
At the end of March when the castle closed, and the seven friends had returned to their worlds, what would happen to them? She would never know the sequel to their lives, no matter how much she worried about them now, in this moment.
And this hurt.
Please be well, all of you.
✦ ✦ ✦
IT WAS 29 MARCH, THE day before their farewell party.
Kokoro had already been to visit two other junior highs.
The No. 1 and No. 3 junior highs were, compared to Yukishina No. 5, small schools, and the teachers who showed her around emphasized how cosy they were.
Kokoro had mixed feelings. She could sense they thought she was one of those students who didn’t fit in at a large-scale school.
Judging by the cold wind that whistled down the hallways in the schools, the heating wasn’t on this late in March. She could hear the school brass bands practising, and the cries of the athletics teams, urging on their teammates. Underneath, she caught the sound of students her own age happily chatting and laughing. It made her tense. She knew it wasn’t possible, but still she felt like they might be laughing at her.
She hadn’t worn school slippers in a while, and her toes, sticking out at the top, were feeling chilly.
Her mind wavered.
She still felt some reluctance about leaving Yukishina No. 5. Fear that she wouldn’t fit in, that the others would soon find out what had happened.
There was still a little time left before she had to decide.
She thought how nice it would be to see the others on the last day, the thirtieth, and share her decision.
✦ ✦ ✦
TODAY SHE FELT LIKE MAKING a trip to Careo.
She was keen to buy some cakes for tomorrow’s party. It might be good, too, to take some of those cool paper napkins like the ones Aki had once given her. It was the spring holiday now, and even if she failed to make it all the way, she could at least get to the convenience store.
Once she’d got back from her shopping excursion, she also wanted to make it to the castle. She had a feeling the others, too, wanted to be there as much as they could.
From the day after tomorrow, she’d never be able to go to the castle ever again.
It was hard to grasp.
Kokoro smiled wryly to herself. When she’d first arrived at the castle, she questioned its very existence. How times had changed.
As the final day loomed, she began to consider things more carefully: perhaps all the kids in the world who’d dropped out of school were, like Kokoro, invited over to the castle?
Kokoro was in junior high, but perhaps any school kid who wasn’t going to school had spent time with the Wolf Queen. The reason it remained a mystery was because they’d found the key and their wish had come true, and their memories were then wiped clean.
They’d simply forgotten about it.
If that were the case, then it made all the more sense for them to cede the castle to the next group. Since they hadn’t managed to find the key, in the Wolf Queen’s eyes they were probably a bunch of failures. But that meant they were allowed to keep their memories of the castle. Someday, she thought, we and other kids might be able to share our knowledge that the castle really existed – that we’d all been there together once.