Yesterday, I cried and cried and cried. My parents got mad at me for dropping their comforter on the ground, and dinnertime came, but I just kept crying without reacting that much. When morning came, I had cried so much that my eyes were dry and puffy. My head pounded with pain.
But my fever had gone down, and I didn’t feel nearly as sluggish. Plus, I felt a lot better in general since I had cried my heart out. Though my family basically had no idea how to treat me at breakfast.
“Mmm, looks like your fever has gone down.” Mom touched my forehead with a hand that was cold from having just washed dishes. She also lightly pressed it against my swollen eyes. The cold felt so good. “If you’re feeling better, Myne, would you like to go to the market with me? One’s being held today.”
Wait... Didn’t she say something about this being the busiest time of the year at her dyeing job, and that she had to go to work even while I was sick with a fever?
Mom, seeing my confusion, lowered her eyes sadly. “It’s been so long since Tuuli’s had a chance to go outside instead of taking care of you, and she was so worried yesterday when you wouldn’t stop crying. The only thing we could think of was that you got lonely on your own, so I made the effort to convince my coworkers to cover for me today.”
Upon hearing that, I gasped. I can’t believe I actually cried all day with people watching! I want to dig a hole and jump inside of it. Not much was worse than calming down and realizing how hard you embarrassed yourself the day before.
“U-Um, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Myne. We all feel weakhearted when we’re sick.” Mom rubbed my head gently, consoling me, but the kinder she was the more guilty I felt.
I’m really, really sorry. I cried exclusively out of despair over the lack of books. I didn’t feel lonely without you at all. Tuuli was that worried about me, but I just cared about her leaving so I could look for books. I’m so sorry.
“Tuuli’s going to the forest with everyone else, but you’re still too weak for that. Want to go shopping with Mommy?”
“Uh huh!”
“Oh my, I wonder where that enthusiasm came from.” Mom smiled happily, thinking that I was excited to be spending time with her, and I responded with a bright smile of my own. “Ahaha, I knew you would be excited for this.”
Mom looked so happy that I didn’t go out of my way to correct her—my enthusiasm had just shot through the roof since I was excited about potentially finding a book outside.
I would go shopping with her and have her buy me a book. I didn’t need a thick book in particular. Anything that I could use to learn this world’s writing system would be enough. Honestly, I’d be fine with a workbook aimed at children. If a book was too much, I’d settle for a chart of this world’s alphabet or whatever.
I’m sure if I say, “I won’t be lonely if I have a book! I’ll stay home alone all day every day!” in a really cute voice, she’ll buy a picture book or two for her sick little daughter. Eheheh. I can’t wait.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll be back later!” Tuuli peered into the bedroom with a full smile. Since Mom was staying home, she didn’t have to babysit me all day.
“Stay with the other kids, okay? Be careful.”
“Okaaay.” Tuuli strapped a large basket onto her back and skipped out of the house. It seemed like she was going out to play and have fun, but she was actually helping out the family in a crucial way: collecting firewood. She would also grab nuts, mushrooms, and other stuff while she was at it. Whether or not we had good, cheap meals each day depended largely on Tuuli.
Um... Do your best, Tuuli! My lunch is counting on you!
This poverty-stricken world didn’t have any schools, so children largely helped around the house or had jobs. Or at the least, schools never came up in Myne’s memories. Once kids got a little older than Tuuli, they began working as apprentices. If given the choice, I would’ve preferred to work as an apprentice librarian, or apprentice book saleswoman. Going to the market would provide the perfect opportunity to gather information on this kind of thing. I’d find the nearest bookstore, befriend the owner, and become an apprentice there.
“Okay, Myne. Let’s go shopping.”
It was the first time I was leaving home since becoming Myne and my first time wearing anything other than pajamas. My outfit was made up of worn out hand-me-downs from Tuuli and I had to put on several layers of the thick clothing. I was so bundled up it was kinda hard to walk, but nonetheless I took Mom’s hand and took my first step outside our home.
...So cold! So narrow! So stinky! Perhaps due to this being a stone building, it felt like cold air was flowing from the walls themselves and not even my several layers of clothing could stop me from feeling a chill. I really would have liked to have a fleece jacket or some hand warmers. Not to mention a mask to block the smell and help stave off a cold.
“Myne, be careful not to fall.” Right outside our home was a staircase leading down the building. My body was the size of a three-year-old toddler’s and each step was so large they filled me with terror. As Mom pulled me forward, I practically jumped down each wooden step one by one, listening to them creak as we spiraled down to the bottom of the building. For some reason, only the steps from the second floor downward were made out of pretty stone.
We all live in the same building, why do they get special treatment? I pursed my lips, pouting, as we finally reached the bottom and went outside. If my counting was accurate, we were in the apartment on the fifth floor out of seven. To be honest, for someone as weak, small, and sickly as me, just getting out of the house was enough to be exhausting. Now I knew why almost all of my memories took place inside. Even now, I was out of breath by the time I got outside. It seemed likely that I would just pass out before we reached our destination.
“Haaah, haaah... Mom, it’s hard to breathe. Wait a second.”
“But all we’ve done is leave the house. Are you okay?”
“I just... need a little, break...”
As I steadied my breath and reminded myself I needed to shape up if I wanted to reach a bookstore, I looked around to get a grasp of my surroundings. A short distance away from our housing complex was a small plaza with a well in the middle. Only the ground around the well was paved with stone, and I could see several older women talking while washing their clothes. That was definitely the well Tuuli used to wash dishes and get our daily water.