Ferdinand peered at my face, looking as serious as ever, then muttered that my eye color had returned to normal. I thought he would be glad, but some of the urgency in his expression remained. What was going on?
“Rozemyne, it would seem you are less able to control your goddess-dyed mana. The divine power inside you swells when you get emotional. If it continues to grow, there is a chance you will cease to be yourself. Please, control your feelings as well as you can.”
The thought alone sent a shiver down my spine. Could that mean losing even more of my memories? Or something even worse? The severity with which Ferdinand spoke made me think I’d already started acting strangely in some way.
Gah! That’s terrifying!
Fear swept over me, and that was all it took. Ferdinand gasped and shouted, “Rozemyne!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw people grimace and clutch their chests, and groans rang out from all around me. I must have been Crushing them again, but I wasn’t angry in the slightest. I’d simply felt the pangs of anxiety.
“N-No... I didn’t m-mean to...” I stammered. My fear was hurting everyone in the room, which made me even more afraid of the divine power coursing through me.
“Control your emotions, Rozemyne,” Ferdinand said, grabbing me by the shoulders and turning me so I couldn’t see everyone’s suffering. His face was twisted in pain, and sweat ran in rivulets down his brow. Even he, of all people, was in too much agony to maintain a calm expression.
“Ferdinand. Let go,” I said. “Being this close to me must make it hurt even more.” He was precious to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was cause him pain. I smacked his hands in a desperate attempt to escape.
Ferdinand couldn’t even respond anymore; he merely choked in response. The sound stirred my memories, bringing to mind vague images of when I’d stood against him and the late High Bishop in the temple. I’d just finished my baptism and was trying to protect some people... but who was I protecting now? I was hurting those around me for no good reason. My body screamed at me to stop, but I didn’t know how to control the power within me.
“Use the powers you’ve been gifted right, and protect this city.”
“I won’t use them to do anything you’d get mad about. I promise.”
An old vow suddenly reappeared in my mind. It felt important, somehow, and the fact I’d now broken it made me so frustrated that I wanted to cry. I couldn’t let my emotions spiral even further out of control, but I didn’t know how to manage them.
“Please, Ferdinand... Get away from me. I made a promise to someone, somewhere. I promised to use my powers to protect people, not hurt them.”
I could tell from Ferdinand’s grim pallor that more and more divine power was leaking out of me. He spluttered, and blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, once again reminding me of the past.
“GET AWAY!” I screamed, striking his hands before at last managing to wriggle out of his embrace. I shot to my feet, and my chair toppled over with a loud clatter.
How can I stop hurting everyone? How far do I need to run?
I scanned the room, looking for some way to escape. Sprinting into the corridor was an option, but the door was across the table from me; I would need to run past everyone, causing them even more pain in the process. The door behind me led to the dormitory, but I would end up Crushing everyone inside. I was caught between a rock and a hard place.
Ferdinand gazed down at his hands, then wiped the blood from his mouth and turned to Sylvester. “Aub Ehrenfest! Permit Hartmut’s group to enter!”
“Get in here, Hartmut!” Sylvester exclaimed to an ordonnanz. He sent it with one hand while clutching his chest with the other.
Before the bird could possibly have finished delivering its message, the door to the dormitory burst open. In came Hartmut, Clarissa, Matthias, Laurenz, Roderick, and Gretia.
“Excuse me,” Hartmut said.
“No! Everyone, get away from—!”
“Fear not, Lady Rozemyne. We are enveloped in your divine mana at all times, so your heightened emotions do nothing but allow us to feel even greater divinity.”
Hartmut then gave me a reassuring smile while he and the other men circled me, separating me from the rest of the room. They must have stopped my divine mana from reaching everyone else because the groaning soon came to an end. Knowing that the others were okay helped to ease my worries.
And it doesn’t look like Hartmut and my other retainers are in pain...
Hartmut and Laurenz wore encouraging smiles. Roderick and Matthias looked extremely serious, but not because my divine power was hurting them; they were just determined to carry out their duty.
“Lord Ferdinand told us to wait outside in case we were needed,” Clarissa explained, smiling so brightly that I almost thought she might start humming. “We expected the overwhelming allure of your divinity to be too much for lesser beings to bear. Aah... I always wanted to experience taking care of you like an attendant.”
She held up and spread out some silver cloth. Her bright smile eased the weight on my chest. I was glad to know there were people I could be around without needing to worry about hurting them. The fear and isolation that had been welling up inside of me began to fade.
“Lady Rozemyne,” Gretia said, “Lieseleta had the cloth fashioned into a cloak so that you could wear it more discreetly. I shall put it on you now... though it is a shame to hide your new clothes...”
Gretia fastened the cloak around my shoulders, smoothed out any lingering creases, and then wiped the last of the tears from my eyes. She normally worked in silence, so her attempt to calm me down meant she was stepping outside her comfort zone. It warmed my heart to see how much she cared.
“I thank you all ever so much.”
“Oh, Lady Rozemyne. You need not feel grateful,” Clarissa said. “Your meeting would not be able to progress if everyone fainted in awe of your stunning new form. Such is the fate of Mestionora’s avatar, who acts with the favor of each of the g—”
“Lord Ferdinand, how does it look?” Gretia asked, interrupting Clarissa’s sermon. “Leaving her face exposed will allow others to feel her divine mana without it overwhelming them.”
Ferdinand inspected the cloak and nodded. “That will do. Thank you.”
“Lady Rozemyne, might you perform some divine healing to reward your considerate retainers?” Hartmut asked with a teasing wink. Despite his bantering tone, he was watching me like a hawk, searching for the slightest reaction. He had phrased it as a joke so I could easily refuse if necessary.
“I thank you ever so much, Hartmut.”
“It is my honor.”
I cast the spell to form Flutrane’s staff, then started reciting the relevant prayer. “O Heilschmerz, subordinate to Flutrane the Goddess of Water...” I would normally have said more, but that was enough for light to emerge from the staff’s green feystone and rain down on everyone in the room.
Color returned to the faces of everyone seated around the table, and they all gasped for air. The healing had worked.
“Aah, such beauty!” Hartmut cried. “An act so holy could only ever be accredited to one with permission to use all the divine instru—”
“Good job,” Sylvester interjected, waving away the overeager scholar. “Everyone, drag Hartmut back into the dormitory. We need to continue our meeting.”
So it was done. Hartmut’s earlier air of competence seemed to vanish as Matthias and Laurenz took him by the arms and Roderick urged him out of the room. Sylvester called in attendants to replace them, then requested some fresh tea for us all. The tension among us had finally dissipated.
“Please sit down, Lady Rozemyne,” Clarissa said. I nodded and let her escort me back to my seat; Gretia had already righted my chair for me.
“Oh...”