A Q&A whose meaning wasn’t clear, that in fact seemed totally meaningless, unfolded.
Flatly.
At a steady pace.
Oshino still had his back to Senjogahara.
She, too, hid her face, her eyes closed.
Her head lowered, downcast.
It felt quiet enough for breaths and heartbeats to make themselves heard.
“Who’s your favorite author?”
“Kyusaku Yumeno.”
“How about an embarrassing story from when you were a kid?”
“I don’t want to tell.”
“What kind of classical music do you like?”
“I’m not very well-versed in music.”
“How did you feel when you graduated elementary school?”
“Only that I would be attending middle school next. Because I was just going from one public school to another.”
“What was the boy who was your first love like?”
“I don’t want to tell.”
“In your life so far,” Oshino said in the same steady tone, “what experience hurt the most?”
“………”
Here─Senjogahara drew a blank.
Not even an “I don’t want to tell”─but silence.
I realized then that Oshino had imbued just this question with meaning.
“What’s the matter? The most hurtful experience in your life. I’m asking you about your memories.”
“…M.”
The mood─wasn’t one where she could remain silent.
She couldn’t refuse with an “I don’t want to tell.”
That─was the situation.
The space that had been formed.
According to plan─things moved forward.
“My mother─”
“Your mother…”
“Falling for a bad religion.”
She’d fallen for some sketchy new religion.
Senjogahara had told me.
That her mother gave them everything they owned and even took on debt, until their family fell apart. That even after the divorce, her father still worked around the clock to pay off the loans.
Was that─the experience that hurt her the most?
More than─being deprived of her weight?
Of course it was.
How could it not hurt worse.
But─that…
That…
“That’s all?” Oshino asked.
“…What do you mean?”
“If that’s all, it’s no big deal. Freedom of faith is recognized by the laws of Japan. No, freedom of faith is recognized as an authentic human right. What your mother reveres or prays to is merely an issue of methodology.”
“………”
“So─that’s not all,” Oshino asserted forcefully. “Try and tell. What happened?”
“Like I said─m-my mother─because of me she fell for such a religion─she got duped─”
“Your mother was duped by a cult─then what.”
Then what.
Senjogahara bit down hard on her lower lip.
“A-An executive member of the religious group came to our house with my mother.”
“An executive member. This person came, and then?”
“H-He said it would be purifying.”
“Purifying? It’d be purifying? He said it’d be purifying─and then?”
“He said it was a ritual─he took─me and,” Senjogahara said, pain mixing into her voice, “a-assaulted me.”
“Assault─in the sense of getting violent? Or─in a sexual sense?”
“In the sexual─sense. Yes, that man─” Senjogahara continued as if she were enduring a variety of things, “tried to rape me.”
“…I see.”
Oshino nodded─quietly.
Senjogahara’s─
Fixation on chastity that took an unnatural form, her─
Cautiousness.
The highly defensive mentality and acutely aggressive mindset.
It felt like they made sense now.
So did her excessive reaction to Oshino’s ritual garb.
For a non-pro like Senjogahara, the fact was that Shintoism, too, was a religion.
“That─hypocritical lecher─”
“That’s the Buddhist perspective. A religion can even endorse killing one of your own. It won’t do to generalize. But you said tried to rape─so it ended at an attempt?”
“I hit him with my cleats which were nearby.”
“…That was brave.”
“He bled from his forehead─and was writhing on the floor.”
“And that saved you?”
“It saved me.”
“Good for you.”
“But─my mother didn’t try to save me.”
Even though she was there the entire time, watching─Senjogahara said flatly.
Flatly she continued with her answer.
“In fact─she scolded me.”
“That’s─all?”
“No─because I injured that leader, my mother─”
“Your mother was penalized?” Oshino finished Senjogahara’s line for her.
The consequences of such a scene didn’t take an Oshino to predict─but this seemed to have an effect on her.
“Yes,” she affirmed─solemnly.
“Naturally─since her daughter injured one of the leaders.”
“Yes. And so─everything we had. The house, the land─even going into debt─my family broke. Completely broke─it completely broke, and yet, it continues to fall apart. It continues to, sir.”
“How is your mother doing now?”
“I don’t know.”
“There’s no way that you don’t.”
“She’s probably─still practicing her faith.”
“Still.”
“Not having learned a thing─unashamed.”
“Does that hurt, too?”
“It does─hurt.”
“Why does it hurt? She has nothing to do with you anymore.”
“Sometimes I wonder. What if, at the time, I─hadn’t resisted, then at least─it might not have gotten to this.”
It might not have broken.
It might not have broken.
“You think so?” asked Oshino.
“I do─think so.”
“You really think so.”
“…I do.”
“Then that, missy─is your thought and burden,” Oshino said. “No matter how weighty, it’s what you need to shoulder. Leaving it to someone else─isn’t the way to go.”
“Leaving it to someone else─isn’t─”
“Don’t avert your eyes─open them and take a look.”
Then─
Oshino opened his eyes.
Senjogahara also opened her eyes─gently.
The lamps in the corners.
Their light wavered.
The shadows, too.
All three of our shadows also─wavered.
They swayed back and forth.
Back─and forth.
“Ah. Ahhhhh!”
Senjogahara─yelled.
She was still managing to keep her head lowered─but her expression was filled to overflowing with shock. Her body was trembling, and began to gush sweat.
She was losing it.
Her─Senjogahara.
“Do you─see something?” questioned Oshino.
“I-I do. It’s like that time─like that time, a huge crab, a crab─I see it.”
“Do you, now. Well, I don’t see a thing.”
It was then that Oshino turned for the first time, toward me.
“Do you see anything, Araragi?”
“I─don’t.”
There was nothing to see.
Only the wavering light.
And wavering shadow.
That was─the same as not seeing.
I couldn’t identify it.
“I don’t see─a thing.”
“You heard him.” Oshino turned toward Senjogahara. “I bet you don’t see any crab, actually?”
“N-No─it’s visible. Clearly. To me.”
“It’s not an illusion?”
“It isn’t an illusion─I mean it.”
“I see. Then─”
Oshino traced Senjogahara’s line of sight.
As if something─were there.
As if some thing─were there.
“Then, what do you need to say to it?”
“Need to─say.”
That’s when it happened.
I doubt she had any reason at all, but.
She couldn’t have meant anything by it, but.
Senjogahara─raised her head.
It was probably the situation.
The space had become too much for her.
That must have been all.
But circumstances didn’t matter.
Paltry, human circumstance didn’t matter.