“When I grow up, I’m gonna be a hero!”
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“Like the ones in the history books.”
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“Yeah, like Wyatt Earp or Jesse James!”
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“I said I’d get stronger…”
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“Just you watch—I’ll get super strong!”
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“And then, I’d protect…Sonia…”
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“And then, hey… I could protect you, too, if you want.”
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He could remember that memory clearly now, although there was a time when he’d forgotten it.
The promise he’d made when he was still a boy.
As a child, he’d made that pledge to a girl who was even younger than he was.
The girl, his neighbor, had adored him for it.
Before then, she’d never showed much interest in the world around her. But she’d broken into an ingenuous smile and replied in a voice that didn’t hold a trace of doubt:
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“That’s a promise, Nader!”
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He could vividly remember how Sonia had looked as she’d said it. He could almost hear her voice in his ears now.
“Yeah… I…promised. I promised Sonia.” Nader faltered, squeezing his hands into fists.
When Pamela saw how mortified he was, her opinion of him rose ever so slightly. Still, thinking of Sonia, she spoke harshly to him. “Sonia is… She’s kind. I’m sure she’d forgive you for your crimes, but I think she’d keep naively believing you’d turn into a hero at some point. Can you live up to her expectations?”
“…”
Unintentionally, Pamela’s voice was growing more intense.
The words that had built up in her heart, everything she’d always imagined herself saying to him whenever she heard Sonia talk about him, just flowed out of her.
“She’s been going on and on about you all this time. When we had the mafia on our tails, and when we were surrounded by the cops, and when we got into an accident and the truck tipped over, she’d say, ‘It’s okay. Nader’s going to save us.’ That kid believed in you. She never doubted you for a minute. You never did show up and save her, not even once, but she still believes in you. Can you imagine it? Even after a mafia bullet went right past her head!”
“…”
“Can you be worthy of that? Can you handle her genuine thoughts, her wishes—her worship of you? Can you make her happy in the truest sense of the word, not just a superficial one?”
“I…”
He wanted to say he could.
But Nader knew better than anyone that he couldn’t.
“If she said any of that to me, I’d probably use it as a crutch. I’d tell myself, ‘I’ll be a hero starting tomorrow. I’ll be a hero the day after tomorrow. Or next week, or next year…’ And all the while, I’d probably…keep on betraying her. Yeah—yeah, I sure as hell would! Dammit! That’s the kind of guy I am!”
“…In that case, I really can’t let you see her. I’d like to let her keep hoping that you’re being a hero somewhere. I don’t want to lie, but if she walked in and saw you right now, I don’t think it would do either of you any good.”
“Yeah. I couldn’t agree with you more. Frankly, I wouldn’t even know how to face her.” Nader rested his fists on the table and stared at them sadly. “Tell me,” he said. “Is… Is Sonia doing well?”
“She’s just fine. I guarantee that.”
“She’s pretty close to twenty now, isn’t she? I bet she’s gotten taller, huh?”
“No, not that tall… In most ways, she’s still a kid. She could probably pass for fifteen. She’s never been a real active type.”
Pamela remembered she’d underestimated the girl’s actual age by three or four years when they’d first met. She felt as if Nader and Sonia would probably look more like siblings than childhood friends.
“Is that right…? Well, she always was kind of a kid. You seem a lot more capable than I am, so if she’s with you, I guess I won’t worry.” Nader gave a sad little smile.
Watching him, Pamela felt a growing urge to turn and run. “Cut that out. I’ve caused trouble for her, too. If anything, she’s constantly saving me.”
“?”
“When we were just starting out, my partner and I pulled petty heists and beat casinos. When the cops or the mafia came after us, Sonia ran them off with her rifle. Remember what I said earlier? I’m a small-time crook, just like you.”
“Sonia did that? With a rifle?” Nader’s eyebrows drew together, but not because he couldn’t picture it.
The neighbors’ house had been far away, on the other side of their farm fields, but he’d heard muffled explosions over there every night.
Gunshots in the forest that didn’t sound like they were from hunters.
His childhood friend returning from the forest with her parents afterward.
He’d felt all along that something wasn’t quite right.
Nader’s father had told him, “Maybe you shouldn’t have too much to do with them,” but the boy hadn’t understood what he really meant.
Just as Sonia didn’t know what he was like now, he didn’t know what she’d been like back then. Suddenly very conscious of that, he looked at Pamela again. “Listen, is Sonia…okay? You’re not still pulling heists, are you?”
“…We’ve mostly turned over a new leaf. Granted, we might get yanked into something ugly, but we’ll handle that ourselves.”
“But…”
“It’s selfish of me, but I want you to believe that. Sonia’s important to me, too.”