“Oh, thanks. Uh, but why?”
“You still have more work after this, don’t you? I just came out for a break. I’ll go have a drink inside,” Yukinoshita said, then began rising to her feet.
I held her back with a light gesture, standing up myself instead. “Hold on a second… Oh, what do you want?” I jingled some coins I’d pulled from my pocket.
But Yukinoshita shook her head. “I’m fine. Take that, for your efforts.”
“Uh, there’s no reason I should be the only one getting something. If you’re giving me something for my work, it’s just good manners to return the favor. Are you okay with the same thing? I planned to buy a Max can, too, after all.”
After I said all that, Yukinoshita gave me a grumpy glare. But then she sighed and softened when she realized I wouldn’t take no for an answer. “You always have to make up a reason…” She smiled as if to say, You’re hopeless, then sat back down again, cocking her head subtly. “…Well then, the same.”
“Roger,” I replied, trotted off to buy one, then came straight back fast enough to raise my heart rate a little. I handed over my warm prize. “It’s hot,” I said.
Tugging the sleeve of her cardigan out a bit, Yukinoshita timidly accepted it. “Thank you…”
I answered with a little shake of my head, sat back down on the bench, and opened the Max can she’d given me. The faint steam rising from it melted at the edges under the orange light, vanishing in the wind. The sweetness of that first sip spread through my mouth, warming me up from the inside.
As I was slowly nursing my drink, Yukinoshita held her can in both hands, like she was warming herself.
Time passed between us wordlessly. Occasionally, one of us would try to talk, but nothing came out but air. The sense of the distance between us, close enough to see her quiet breaths and minute gestures, was nostalgic to me, even in the dark.
In the end, we had nothing resembling a conversation, until a sound broke our silence—a vibration from my pocket. I must have gotten a call.
“Oh, sorry,” I said, and Yukinoshita shook her head to tell me not to worry about it. Nodding back, I pulled out my phone to see the call was from Yuigahama. I was about to accept it when the vibration stopped.
What was that? I wondered when I heard footsteps like the dragging heels of loafers.
Yukinoshita turned around before I did. “Good evening, Yuigahama,” she called.
“Yeah… Yahallo, Yukinon.” Yuigahama spoke softly, too, waving a hand in a tiny motion in front of her chest as she slowly came over to the bench. Her coat, scarf, and backpack were lit under the streetlights, showing she was ready to go home.
“…What is it?” I asked. “Did Hayama say anything?”
“Yeah. He said he’ll make the time if you’re okay talking over dinner… So I called you,” Yuigahama answered, waving the phone in her hand. If she’d gotten a hold of him, then there was no need for me to wait any longer. Talking over a meal meant we’d probably be meeting at the station. Drinking down what was left of my coffee, I stood.
“Work?” Yukinoshita asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded in return.
Yukinoshita checked the time, too, and she put her Max can away in her pocket and stood. “I’m going back to work as well.”
“Wait.” As Yukinoshita was passing by, Yuigahama took her hand. Yukinoshita froze with some surprise, giving Yuigahama a confused look.
Yuigahama’s free hand fiddled bashfully with her bun. “I—I kinda feel like it’s been a while. It’s weird, though I know it’s only been a few days,” she said with a shy smile.
“Yes… I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t quite been able to get the time to relax,” Yukinoshita replied with a similar expression.
Yuigahama’s eyes lowered. “No, I don’t think that’s it.” Raising them again, she hesitated before examining Yukinoshita. “…Have you been avoiding me?”
Yukinoshita seemed taken aback, and her tone became a little emphatic. “No, that’s not what it is. It’s just that I’ve been preparing for the prom, and then there was that notice about the cancellation, and there’s been so much to get done…” The further she got in her argument, the more she wilted, until her words faded into moist air. Biting the edge of her lip, she hung her head.
“Gotcha. Sorry…,” Yuigahama apologized weakly.
And they both fell silent.
I wondered if I should say something. After I failed to think of anything appropriate, I just opened my mouth. “…Hey.”
Yuigahama’s head jerked up, and so did Yukinoshita’s.
Yuigahama squeezed both Yukinoshita’s hands. “Listen, I’m helping Hikki.” The words were so unexpected, I was momentarily unsure how to respond.
“…Nobody…said?” I muttered under my breath. Since Yuigahama had been acting like she and Yukinoshita were in contact on LINE or whatever, I’d assumed they’d already talked about it. I should have told Yukinoshita first. I hated that I’d made Yuigahama say it, with things so awkward here.
Then Yukinoshita glanced over at me, shaking her head as if to say, Don’t worry about it. Turning to Yuigahama again, she squeezed her hands back and said gently, “It’s all right. I do understand.”
“…No, you don’t.” Yuigahama’s face crumpled a bit. “I’m trying to do this the right way. Once this is over…I will do it properly… So you won’t get what you want, Yukinon.” Yuigahama explained fervently, gazing right into Yukinoshita’s eyes.
Yukinoshita nodded just once, making sure Yuigahama had no more to say. “…I see. I believe it would be best if your wish came true,” she said, and I could see no sorrow in her expression, only an earnest prayer.
But Yuigahama was not relieved. She took a few shallow breaths, then looked at Yukinoshita imploringly. “…Do you know what it is I want? Do you really get it?”
“Yes. Because I think it’s the same,” Yukinoshita said without hesitation. Her tender little smile showed clear affection, and there was no uncertainty in her honest gaze.
“Okay… All right, then.” Yuigahama let out a deep, deep sigh, then gently released Yukinoshita as she took a step back.
Yukinoshita watched with a fragile smile as Yuigahama’s hands weakly fell. “Then I’ll be going,” she said, squeezing her now empty fingers.
I answered that with a look at both of them, but Yuigahama’s eyes were still on the ground.
Yukinoshita let out a breath, like she didn’t know what else to do, before eventually turning away. The sound of her loafers hitting the brick paving rang through the courtyard, growing distant one step after another.
Watching her go, I let out a weak sigh—but that did nothing to change the heavy feelings coiling in the pit of my stomach.
“Let’s get going,” I said to Yuigahama, who was still standing there. I didn’t think those were the right words, but pathetically enough, I had nothing else to say.
“Uh-huh,” Yuigahama said in a near whisper, but she didn’t start walking.
Yukinoshita reached the shadow of the school building, her footsteps especially loud as the ephemeral sight of her back melted away.
Before she was out of earshot, Yuigahama’s face jerked up, and she rushed over.
Yukinoshita noticed those footsteps and started turning around.
That moment, Yuigahama leaped at her and hugged her tight. Squeaking in surprise and confusion, Yukinoshita staggered back, and her coat slid off a little.
Yuigahama fixed the coat and buried her face in Yukinoshita’s narrow shoulders. “Once the prom’s over, we’ll go out to eat together. And I’ll sleep over at your place again. And we’ll go to Destiny Land and Destiny Sea during spring vacation, and then you’ll come stay over with me again, and then in April…,” she rambled, voice trembling, sniffing only once. Then she raised her chin to take a breath and grinned. “What should we do in April? There’s so much stuff I wanna do together. Food and shopping, or a hot stone spa or something, would be nice, but there’s just so much stuff! It’ll take years—decades, even.”
Yukinoshita’s eyes blurred under the pale orange light of the streetlamp. Her tightly squeezed fists opened, and she cautiously reached out to give Yuigahama’s shoulder a light touch. Then, she pressed her forehead against it instead, hiding her face. “That…really is a lot. Can we do all that?”
“Yeah! Because I’ll be with you until we do it all… So it’ll be okay.”
In her tight embrace, Yukinoshita let out a confused breath. But Yuigahama didn’t mind, squeezing her even tighter. “You get that?” Yuigahama playfully curled around Yukinoshita to touch her cheek to the back of her neck.
Yukinoshita squirmed in apparent embarrassment. “Yes, I understand. I do…”
“Do you really, actually get it?”
“I do, so…let me go…” But even as Yukinoshita said that, she wasn’t really trying to peel Yuigahama off, and every time she moved a bit away, Yuigahama came close again. Watching the two of them, I let out a short sigh.
We’re really awful at saying it. You keep thinking you said it, thinking you knew it, thinking you understood, and even after so many repetitions, it felt like we still hadn’t grown.
We both knew there was actually a simpler way to get it across.
But that didn’t seem right.
I studied them, hoping for the best, so that at least I wouldn’t go wrong.