“Looks like you really had a rough time of it. Man, you’ve lost weight,” I said.
“Aw, shaddup… Pfah, what are you even doing here? The only thing around is a tiny village that serves as a forward base against the Demon King’s army. Ugh, I feel sick…! First I get caught up with this bunch of goons, and now I run into the one guy in the whole world I least want to see!”
The speaker was a priest, who kicked a rock near her foot angrily as she spoke.
Serena: escapee from the Axel police station, worshipper of a dark goddess, murderer of me, and general of the Demon King. For some reason, she was with these Axis followers and looking very frustrated by it. I guess the “priest” disguise had gotten her swept up in the monster hunt.
As Darkness continued to mope from being called an “archetype” and Megumin got ready to fight, her temple twitching, the Axis followers (unable to read a room) started sexually harassing Serena.
“Bah! Where do you get off, having such a sexy body?! Where are you from and what religion do you follow? You’d better tell us!”
“Yeah, yeah—we’ll go pay ’em a little visit, so make with the spittin’ it out!”
“Hey! If you come around behind her, you can see her bra strap, clear as day! With boobs this big, maybe she really doesn’t have anything to do with the Eris Church…?!”
“No, hold on—a paper has been submitted to our academy arguing that religion and bust growth might not be so closely related after all. To give us some more data for the resolution of that debate, we’ll need you to tell us what religion you are! Specifically, which church in which town you hail from, and at what time of day we should show up to meet the clergy! I promise, we aren’t intending to gleefully charge over there to sexually harass them in the name of holy war, so please, don’t worry on that account!”
“……Y-you all don’t know when to quit, do you…?”
I turned toward Serena, who was obviously nearing her limit, and said, “Actually, this is perfect timing, meeting you here. There were some questions I wanted to ask you. It does kind of tick me off the way you killed me, but if you tell me what I want to know, I might just pretend I didn’t see you here.”
Serena gave me the same kind of look you might give the dirt under your shoe and: “Pfah!”
““““““Ahhh!””””””
She spat on the ground as if to say that was her answer. The Axis followers cried out; I guess they objected to her prickly attitude.
“Heh. Think before you speak, kid. Why would I answer your questions? What, you going to compensate me somehow, again? Hell, I don’t even want you for a puppet anym— Hey, what are you all doing?! S-stop that! Why are you digging up the ground I spat on?!”
That’s what was happening: A crowd of Axis believers was digging up the dirt Serena’s spit had landed on and were fighting over it. Man, these guys were on a different level from me. I couldn’t keep up.
I didn’t know (and didn’t want to know) what they wanted to do with it, but Zesta won the fight for the dirt and triumphantly put it in a bottle, which he tucked into his robes as if it were a priceless treasure.
“Phew… My apologies, young lady, that my fellow believers should show you such an uncouth side of themselves.”
“You’re one to talk! Throw that stuff away; it’s so creepy! Anyway, what are you guys? You’ve been abusing me to your hearts’ content all this time, but not one of you seems to think you owe me anything—what’s with that?! All this sexual harassment, you ought to at least feel a little gratitude!”
Zesta threw up his hands theatrically. “Gratitude?! Oh, we feel gratitude indeed, to our goddess! Ah yes, this blessed day is all thanks to our devout lifestyles and unyielding faith…! Ah, how grateful we are…!” He bowed his head deeply in Serena’s direction as he spoke.
“I don’t understand these people. They’re all completely insane! Arrrgh, I feel like I don’t understand anything anymore! And, Kazuma, what are you doing here anyway? I was sure I cast Instant Death on— Hey, you old fart! Don’t pretend to bow to me just to catch a glimpse of my panties! Quit it already or I’ll kill you!”
It didn’t matter how much Serena howled and threatened; nothing deterred the Axis followers.
“You remember a priest called Aqua, right? She might not have much else going for her, but she’s a damn good priest. She brought me back with resurrection magic. So, about those questions I wanted to ask you…”
I had been trying to offer an explanation, but Serena reached for the mace she kept at the small of her back. “Like I said before, why would I answer any questions of yours? Want to try to force it out of me? My level might have dropped, but I’m still the equal of everyone here. Besides, it doesn’t look like that priest friend of yours is around to resurrect you right now. So what do you think? Still want to do it?”
Serena had a blessing from the goddess of revenge. She smirked, knowing that as long as she had that, I couldn’t do anything to her. She might be a piece of trash, but she was still a general of the Demon King; even with her level at rock bottom, she had confidence to spare.
Darkness was clenching her fists so hard, I could hear it, and Megumin’s eyes were blazing crimson when Serena said:
✦ ✦ ✦
“Aqua, is that what you said her name was? I should have killed her first, not you. Huh, that was my mistake…”
✦ ✦ ✦
The air went cold.
The Axis followers who had moved around behind Serena, trying to get a look at her bra strap.
The Axis kids who had been busily throwing stones at the Eris follower, Darkness.
The Axis women who had been sleepily watching the whole affair, just killing time.
And last but not least…
✦ ✦ ✦
“What did you just say?”
✦ ✦ ✦
Zesta asked as he crawled on the ground, trying to somehow get a look at Serena’s panties. Mr. Most Important Person in the Axis Church had lost all expression on his face; his voice was quiet, and as he stood up, he didn’t even bother to brush the dirt from his knees.
“What do you mean, what?” Serena, who hadn’t noticed the changed atmosphere, stopped pointing her mace at me and rested it across her shoulder. “I said I should have killed that bumbling Aqua girl. So what’s your answer, Kazuma? My patience has just about run out. You want to live, you’re gonna have to beg. You know what a dangerous opponent I am. But I know what a pain in the ass you are, so if you throw yourself on the ground, I’d probably let you go, eh? Ah, but…” She smirked as if she was completely in control of the situation. “…this lot, not so much. I guess they’re friends of yours, but they’ve harassed me one time too many. We’re close enough to the Demon King’s territory that no heroic knights are gonna come and save you, either. So how about it?” Bursting with confidence, she switched her mace to her other shoulder, thump.
“Master Kazuma. You seem to know who this young lady is. Perhaps you could introduce me,” Zesta said. The airheaded attitude was gone; his voice was completely flat, no intonation, no emotion.
I glanced at Serena as if to ask whether I could tell them who she really was.
“Go ahead, introduce me,” she said. “Not like they’re gonna leave this place alive anyway. They might as well die lamenting having offended me.”
Wow, she was almost as bad at reading a crowd as Aqua was.
I gestured at Serena and said, “This is Serena. Dark Priest, worshipper of the dark goddess Regina, and the one who ultimately hurt Aqua so badly that she decided to leave town.” Then I waved at the Axis followers, who had gone deadly silent, all of them looking grim. “And these are those Axis followers you hear so many bad things about, all from Arcanletia, along with Zesta, the most important person in the Axis Church.”
✦ ✦ ✦
When I’d finished my introduction, there was a wumph.
✦ ✦ ✦
I looked toward the sound. Serena was pale-faced, shivering, and drenched in sweat. She’d dropped her mace.
✦ ✦ ✦
We were on a small road, not much used these days, that led to the Demon King’s castle. Typically you wouldn’t see anyone there; you’d hear only the insects and the birds. But today…
✦ ✦ ✦
“““Get a rope! Tie her up!!”””
“Sttttttttttoooooooooooooooooppppppppppppppppp!!”