I somehow managed to make Beelzebub see reason, and the four of us slipped into the castle through the secret passage in the waterways. As it turned out, the information wasn’t a trap in and of itself, but the secret passage was strictly guarded. We ended up getting cornered by a hoard of monsters under the minister’s command, and ultimately got thrown into the castle’s dungeon.
“Oh nooo, how terrible! Why, there’s just no way we could ever resist that many monsters at once! ” Pecora said as she sat down in the middle of our cell. She’d grown completely accustomed to the RPG world, and I was sort of impressed by the sheer adaptability she’d displayed.
“Hell’s bells! If I could only return to my true self, I could shred these bars like tissue paper!” Beelzebub growled, shaking our cell’s bars back and forth to no particular effect. She was actually acting out a very typical RPG response to getting locked up, if you ignored the finer details of what she was saying.
“We’ve certainly found ourselves in a difficult situation, Lady Azusa. If we don’t escape soon, we’ll be executed,” Laika said nervously. And, I mean, of course she’d be worried, considering.
“Yeah, we’re in trouble all right, but I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to get out of it pretty easily,” I said. “We were basically forced into it, after all.”
Since the story had railroaded us into this, it would also surely give us an opportunity to escape. Only an irredeemable piece of shovelware would compel you to get yourself arrested and not let you break out of jail.
“And hey, if you’re still worried, just try following Pecora’s example,” I said as I glanced over at the party wizard.
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“Oh nooo, we’re doomed! Oh, if only someone would come along and save us! Oh, what mortal peril we’ve found ourselves in! Whatever shall we do, whatever shall we do?!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“She…could use acting lessons,” Laika said with a slightly chilly stare.
“Right? That’s about how seriously you should be taking this.”
I figured someone would be showing up to save us before we knew it. It wouldn’t be much of a game if they kept us locked up in jail forever.
Lo and behold, a moment later, a series of screams rang out from down the hallway.
“Who is this girl?!”
“Blaaargh!”
Judging by the tone of the screams, I’d just heard a pair of monsters get taken down. Shortly afterward, a girl who looked distinctly like an adventurer arrived at the door to our cell.
“I take it you were imprisoned by the monstrous minister?” said a pixelated version of…Wynona!
“Wynona!” I exclaimed. “You came to save us!”
“I don’t know how or why you know my name, but yes, I did,” said Wynona. “I understand you’re on a quest to defeat the elder god, so I thought it would be for the best to offer you what aid I can.”
“Oh, that’s great! Always glad to see a friendly face! So what class did you end up getting?”
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“To reiterate: Stop acting so overfamiliar, Stepmother! It doesn’t make sense! This is supposed to be the scene where we meet for the first time!”
✦ ✦ ✦
Oh! Right… I guess I was ignoring the plot, wasn’t I?
“Well, uhhh, you’re a famous adventurer, right? I must know you by your reputation!” I said. “Oh wow, this is amazing! Won’t you save us, O mighty adventurer? And I beg of you, please fight the minister with us while you’re at it! Having a fifth party member would make such a big difference! Please, and thank you!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“That was pathetic! If that’s the best you can do, just talk to me normally! You dropped out of character partway through your line, and you didn’t even sound like an adventurer to begin with!”
✦ ✦ ✦
I’m sorry, okay? It feels like the more I try to role-play the hero I’m supposed to be, the weirder my adventurer-speak feels…
While I moped about my failed line delivery, the other members of my party started introducing themselves. Personally, I felt it would’ve been nicer to save that for after she’d freed us from our cell, but whatever.
“I’m Pecora the wizard, and I’m going to defeat the demon king! Oh, and find my missing brother, too!”
“You may call me Beelzebub the cleric.”
“And I am Laika, a warrior. Your aid is most appreciated.”
The whereabouts of Pecora’s brother were still a complete unknown, but considering how these things went, I figured it was only a matter of time before he turned up somehow. There was no way they’d establish she was searching for someone and not have that person show up at all in the end.
“It seems you really are adventurers, as I expected. You may call me Wynona the hero.”
“Wha— You’re a hero?!” I yelped.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand why you seem so astonished. Is there some reason why I shouldn’t be a hero? Seeing as I’m an adventurer in real life, I believe it’s a very appropriate class for me to be given,” Wynona huffed. It seemed she wasn’t very pleased with my reaction—most likely, she’d taken my surprise to mean I didn’t think she was heroic enough for the job.
No, that’s not it! “It’s just that I’m a hero, too,” I said as I pointed at myself. “I’ve been fighting as the hero this whole time!”
For a moment, Wynona just glared at me.
“Well then, I’ll be taking my leave now.”
She’s just leaving?! “Wait a minute! At least open the cell before you go! This is the weirdest possible time for you to say your goodbyes!”
“Well, I hardly think multiple heroes are called for in this scenario. If you’re a hero, too, then it’d be best for everyone if you made an early exit—specifically, right now.”
Now that’s an unheroic comment if I’ve ever heard one! “Come on! This must be one of those stories where a pair of heroes save the world together! Help us, please!”
“Oh, for the… Fine, fine! One of the guards I just defeated dropped the key to the cell, in any case, so it’d be a shame not to use it…,” Wynona muttered irritably as she unlocked the door.
Breaking out of prison sure is easy in RPGs, huh?
With that, Wynona joined our party, bringing us up to five members in total! We wiped the floor with the boss monster that had taken the minister’s place, and peace returned to the kingdom at last.
“If he was that much of a weakling, we should have just marched up and fought him instead of getting locked up and going through all that trouble.”
And there’s Beelzebub, picking another classic nit with RPG storytelling.