Later that night, while we were having dinner—specifically, right after Vania brought out the main dish for the evening—I stood up to address everyone.
“Excuse me! Would everyone who’s going to be in the competition mind listening for a minute?” I said. All the members of my family, non-participants included, turned to look at me. “I think all four of you have done really incredibly this time! I could never pull off what you’ve accomplished, that’s for sure, so I don’t think that I have any real advice I can give you, but, um… The point is, you’re amazing! Seriously, you did great!”
Maybe I should’ve planned this speech out a bit better in advance? Well, too late now!
I resorted to clapping my hands, giving each of them a round of applause, then spoke up once more.
“This is a competition, and that means you’re going to get compared and scored, for better or worse. Only one team can win the finals, after all. Still, the fact that you made it this far is incredible in its own right, and I want all of you to be proud of that, and to be proud of how funny you are!”
“Okay, Mommy!” said Falfa.
“I shall strive to do my utmost!” Laika declared.
“I’m taking first place no matter what!” Flatorte shouted.
“The fates will smile upon the victor!” Shalsha concluded.
I’d been planning on getting this point across to everyone when we were all gathered together, but I’d really messed up the timing and ended up having to do it mid-meal. It wasn’t the cleanest delivery, and I’d have to think about how I could improve on that in the future, but for the time being, I could call this one task accomplished.
✦ ✦ ✦
When we arrived in Vanzeld, we split into two groups: the competition participants, and everyone else. I wasn’t putting on an act myself, so needless to say, I was part of the latter category.
“It’s weird—I’m not even part of the contest, but I’m nervous anyway,” said Sandra. And she did seem a little fidgety.
“I’m feeling restless, too, so why don’t we go try to find a place where we can have a celebratory drink after it’s all over?” Halkara suggested.
Are you sure you don’t just want to have a drink yourself, right now…? Though, then again, we have plenty of time until the finals start, so I guess that would be fine in its own right.
Before we could make it to a pub, however, Halkara spoke up again. “I just had an incredible idea!” she shouted.
“What is it?” I asked. “I’m worried your idea’s going to get us in trouble, like usual, so how about you explain yourself first this time…?”
“I think it’s a given that the team that wins the comedy competition will experience a sudden rise in fame, right? So I was thinking I could use that chance to get them to advertise for Halkara Pharmaceuticals!”
Oh, huh. That’s a more sensible idea than I expected.
“This competition’s taking place in the demon lands, so it seems like the perfect chance to spread the Halkara Pharmaceuticals name throughout this region! I’d better make an offer the moment the winning team’s announced!” said Halkara.
As I watched her get worked up over her new plan, I thought, Looks like winning a contest like this really is a way for an unpopular comedian to go from rags to riches.
After that, Halkara started peppering me with questions about what sort of material I thought would work well as an in-act advertisement for her products.
I’m not exactly a comedy consultant, for your information! If you’re going to ask me for input on anything, at least let it be medicine making!
“Um, Halkara…?” I said. “I don’t think this is the right time to come up with advertising material like that. After all, you won’t know who’s going to win the competition until it’s already over, and at that point you won’t be able to use any of the jokes you think up, anyway.”
“Ah!” Halkara gasped. “See, this is exactly why I go to you for advice, Madame Teacher! You’re absolutely right. This goes to show that you always have to consult with a specialist about this sort of thing! Amateurs always make some sort of fundamental mistake in the planning stage!”
I thrust out a hand before me, striking a “wait just a second” sort of pose to cut Halkara off.
“I’m an amateur, too! Do not group me with the specialists on this one!”
Apparently, I need to make a really clear point of emphasizing the fact that I’m a witch. I don’t know what I’ll do if even my family starts forgetting that!
✦ ✦ ✦
The comedy contest finals were scheduled for the very same day as our arrival in Vanzeld. That evening, we headed for a theater in the castle town where the event would take place. We’d already had seats assigned to us, so I settled in and waited for the performances to begin.
First, a demon who seemed to be the announcer stepped onto the stage.
“Comedy fans from all across the world, thank you for coming to our show tonight! Before we begin, let’s take a moment to meet the judges of our contest!”
The first judge to step onto stage was none other than Pecora. We’d already been told she’d be judging, so no surprises there.
“Hello, everyone! As I’m sure many of you are aware, I am the demon king! I hope you all have a barrel of laughs today, and as your reigning sovereign, I swear to judge the performances with honesty and impartiality!”
I had a feeling, in Pecora’s eyes, the competition would be a success as long as the crowd enjoyed it. Personally, though, I was just as invested in seeing one of the many members of my family who were participating claim victory and all the glory associated with it.
The other judges—who the audience’s reactions suggested were pretty big names in the demon lands’ comedy world—were introduced next. It wasn’t just demons on the panel, though; two of them seemed to be popular entertainers from the human territories, as well. I could hear the demons around us whispering stuff like “Who’s that?” and “Probably some celebrity from the human capital.”
Once all the judges has been introduced, Pecora stepped up to give one final explanation.
“Last but not least, I’d like to go over the rules by which we’ll be judging the contest! After every act finishes, each judge will assign it a personal score. Those scores won’t be revealed until the end of the contest, and the judges won’t know each other’s scores up until the end, either. That means until every act has reached its conclusion, no one will know who is winning! Do your best to figure out who’ll take the number one spot before the show is over!”
Oh, I get it. They must be trying to keep things exciting up until the very end. That seems like a good system… Or so I thought, but a moment later, I heard a shout ring out from somewhere in the hall.
“Anyone who can guess the top three acts in order will win a fabulous prize! Get’cher tickets here, folks!”
A way to keep things exciting, and also a way to let people gamble on the outcome, apparently…
“Anyone who wants that prize for themselves, be sure to think your guess through carefully! And that’s all for me—I’ll hand things back to the announcer for now, if that’s all right,” said Pecora.
“I, um…was actually supposed to explain the rules myself, actually,” the announcer awkwardly muttered. The demon king’s unconventional attitude had struck yet again, and there was nothing the contest’s staff could do about it.
With that, it was finally time for the performances to begin.