“Teacher, tell me, why do you smoke tobacco?”
This happened while I was working odd jobs at the United Magic Association.
I suddenly became curious about my teacher, the Midnight Witch, Sheila, who, despite the fact that smoking was prohibited indoors, always had her pipe in her mouth, blowing out little puffs of smoke and shortening her own life span.
When I threw out my question, my teacher looked at me and asked, “Huh? You want a puff?”
“I have trouble understanding how you would come up with that idea…”
“Well, you’re looking at my pipe like you want it.”
“Like I want it…?” I was just staring at it, but… “Pipes and cigarettes—all they do is damage your body when you smoke them, right? Plus they make your clothes stink. What’s so good about smoking them?”
“Oh-hoh, so you are interested?” For some reason, my teacher nodded meaningfully. “Let me think…” Then she thought for a short while as she gazed up at the cloud of smoke hanging in the air.
“For example, say there’s someone you like.” For some reason, she launched into a strange hypothetical. “People act strangely when they’re in love, and all they can think about is that other person, right? Whether they’re working or playing, thoughts of that person rise at unexpected times from a corner of their mind. They can’t seem to forget about them, no matter how they try, and in fact, the more they try to forget, the more insistent their thoughts of that person become.”
“Um… That kind of makes sense, I think…”
“In other words, to me, that’s what tobacco is.”
“Uh-huh. So to put it simply, you’re in love with tobacco?”
“Well, I guess you could say that.”
“…That’s unexpected. I didn’t think you’d ever experienced love, Miss.”
“Hey, hey, who do you think you’re talking to here? I’m still your teacher, you know?” Then, after tapping the ash out of her pipe, my teacher said, “I never have experienced love, I don’t think.”
“……”
“Everything I just said was only from my imagination.” She snorted proudly. “Now, I know what you’re going to say. You’re probably going to tell me I should quit smoking, right?”
“Bingo. It’s bad for your body, you know?”
I nodded, but my teacher said, “Sorry for using the love metaphor again, but do you know what you should do when you’re feeling impatient because the person you love is moving too slowly?”
“Um…just hang in there and endure the waiting or something?”
“No, wrong.” My teacher shook her head, then held out her hand to me. “Mm.”
She had been holding a gold coin.
“…What’s this for?”
My teacher said simply, “I’m out of tobacco leaves, so go buy some.”
I see, so she’s trying to tell me that the only way to suppress your desire to smoke tobacco is to go ahead and smoke it.
…She’s not interested in quitting at all, huh?
✦ ✦ ✦
“Which is to say, every day, I’m annoyed at my teacher… Because of her, my chest hurts every day.”
“Huh.”
I had reunited with Elaina in Qunorts, the Free City.
I was casually complaining to Elaina about my recent troubles with my teacher being a heavy smoker and the harm I was suffering because of it.
Elaina’s teacher, Fran, had known my teacher for a long time, and so my ulterior motive was to get my complaints to pass to Fran through Elaina, and then for Fran to speak to my teacher and get her to quit smoking.
When calling an adult’s attention to something, the best approach is to follow the proper procedure and get another adult to pass your opinion along. It was obvious that whenever I talked to Sheila directly, she always ended up getting annoyed with me. Even though I was the one who was annoyed!
To that end, I had explained the situation to Elaina, from start to finish. But—
Munch, munch, munch, munch.
Elaina was eating her bread.
The way she was eating, carefully taking little bites, holding her bread close to her in both hands with her fingers wrapped around it, she looked just like a little animal. She was embodying the very concept of cuteness. I was enchanted.
Finally, Elaina looked in my direction and tilted her head quizzically.
“Ah, sorry. What was it you were talking about?”
She’s so cute. Wait, but—
“Weren’t you listening to me?”
“Huh? Sure, I was listening…” Elaina’s eyes shifted around.
Adorable.
“Well then, what was I talking about? Do you remember?”
“Saya. That’s my question.” She snapped into a smug expression.
Adorable.
“I was talking about how my chest hurts every day because of my teacher.”
“Ah, that’s right. That was it. In other words, you’ve got a little crush on your teacher, huh?”
“Incorrect.”
“Now, now, you don’t have to be embarrassed, Saya. You are at that age. Lots of people have similar problems, you know.”
“You’ve got it wrong. It’s not love.” Then I put on a smug expression of my own and said, “You’re the only one I have feelings for, Elaina…”
“Sure, sure.” Elaina waved her hand dismissively.
Adorable.
“Oh my, what’s this? Elaina…by any chance, are you feeling embarrassed?”
“I’m not embarrassed.”
“I see, so you’re saying that when two people are as close as we are, a little thing like a love confession is nothing to get embarrassed about, is that it…?”
“Where does that boundless optimism of yours even come from…?” Elaina asked with a sigh.
I’m not sure how to answer that question; this is just what I’m like. I guess if you must ask, well, there’s nothing to say except that I’m just out here laying myself bare, as always.
“Setting that aside, Elaina, please give me some advice.”
This is somewhat off-topic, but the piece of bread Elaina is eating right now is one I bought.
I hadn’t known what to do with the bread I had bought for my own lunch, which turned out to be tough and unpleasant enough that I had no desire to eat it. “Oh? Looks like you’ve got something good there, haven’t you?” Elaina had pestered me like some kind of delinquent, after which I’d handed it over to her. Since she was eating even that poor excuse for bread as if it was delicious, I think it would be fair to call Elaina a peerless lover of bread. And because I gave her bread, surely I was entitled to request one piece of advice.
“Let me see…” Elaina, who had listened carefully to my story, no matter what she wanted me to believe, put her finger to her mouth for a moment and pondered the question adorably. “Hmm…”
Eventually, she said, “I wonder if it might be best to tell her honestly that she’s giving you chest pains.”
……
Talk to her honestly.
That’s not much in the way of advice…
“That’s an incredibly basic suggestion…”
“That was incredibly basic bread…”
Thinking that next time I would have to present her with more respectable bread, I then had a lively chat with Elaina.