Lying down on the wet ground, I continuously let out shallow breaths. I was losing all sensation in my body. I couldn’t feel coldness or warmth. The sensation of the ground beneath me was gone. I couldn’t even tell what was up or down. It was frightening.
Still, my current state had to be a blessing. After all, my intestines were spilling out of the wound in my abdomen, and due to the passage of time, they were decomposing. Feeling nothing meant I felt no pain or agony.
I thought back over the path that had taken me—Todoroki Miya—to this point. Even at a time like this, my heart remained cold, my thoughts drifting idly as though it were somebody else’s crisis.
✦ ✦ ✦
“The composition of the expeditionary force is decided, then. I’m sure it’ll be hard for you all, but let’s remain hopeful.”
With the words of our leader, Nakajima Kojirou, the long meeting came to an end. This was an assembly made up only of the exploration team’s upper brass. As a nicknamed cheater, I’d participated too.
About half a month had passed since the unimaginable disaster of being teleported to another world. Having established a primitive community known as the Colony, the exploration team was finally sending out what was being called the first expeditionary force.
“Things are proceeding steadily. I’ll have to focus.”
Around the time we left the hut, Yu—Iino Yuna—spoke to me in an all-too-serious tone. I liked this aspect of her and replied with my usual lighthearted smile.
“Ahah, that’s so like you.”
“Jeez. Stop acting like this has nothing to do with you, Todo. You can’t be acting carelessly, okay?”
She rebuked me, but her expression was one of immense consideration.
“I think it’ll be fine since we’re leaving a good number of people in the Colony, but there are no absolutes. I won’t be with you, got it?”
“’Kaaay.”
We were going our separate ways for this operation. Yu was participating in the expeditionary force, while I was staying behind in the Colony. We’d been a tag team ever since coming to this world, so this was going to be our first time away from each other.
“I’m pretty worried. I’d be a lot more at ease if you were just a bit more reliable, Todo.”
“Waah. I’m more worried about you, Yu.”
“Oh? I’m pretty sure I’m the more reliable one.”
It was a childish conversation between friends. We wouldn’t be able to talk like this again for a good while. According to the plan, if they didn’t find anything, the expeditionary force would return in over one month at the earliest. If only we could communicate by smartphone, but that wasn’t possible in this world.
As our conversation went on, my reluctance to part ways carefully guarded, someone called out to us from behind.
“You two look like you’re having fun. What’re you talking about?”
It was the exploration team’s leader, Nakajima Kojirou. Okazaki had detained him after the meeting, but we were taking our time talking as we walked, so he ended up catching up to us. He was the one who had, in essence, gathered more than three hundred people who possessed powers beyond the means of humanity and unified the Colony, yet his demeanor was very sociable. Regardless, his mannerisms were full of confidence and pride, balancing everything out. He was the definition of a leader. Everyone said so.
“Ah, Leader, perfect timing,” Yu said to him. “Can I stay behind after all? Or maybe Todo can come with us too?”
“Sorry, I can’t allow it. The group composition has already been decided. We can’t mess with it now.”
Nakajima remained considerate, but was clear and to the point. He was affable, but possessed tremendous decisiveness and had the strength to persuade others. Those who wielded superhuman abilities—who’d been recently named cheaters for a reason I didn’t understand—were easily driven by emotions. Perhaps his persuasiveness was the greatest factor that allowed him to lead them. He was idolized by practically everyone, including Yu. When he spoke like this, she had no choice but to back down.
“Understood. Sorry for being selfish, Leader.”
“Don’t be. There’s no need to apologize. Thank you for understanding.”
Nakajima Kojirou nodded in satisfaction and turned my way with a warm gaze. I peered into his eyes and saw something deep within.
“Do you understand too, Todoroki?”
“Yes,” I answered a beat later, acting like I always did. “I’ll do my best.”
I was pretty sure I was acting the same as usual. I didn’t feel all that confident about it, though.
“Right. I’m relying on you two.”
He nodded back to me innocently with an open smile. However, the expression hidden beneath that smile was nowhere near that gentle. Everyone said that Nakajima Kojirou was a suitable leader. Practically everyone idolized him. That was the truth. That wasn’t my opinion, though. I wasn’t part of “practically everyone.”
My eyes saw him as something that wasn’t human. I saw him as terrifying and dreadful. The friendship and affection he had for his comrades felt like different emotions from what humans used those words for. It was like a human looking down at tiny ants, or a giant ant looking down at tiny humans. It was creepy and frightening.
He was an alien existence. I was sure of it. But I never mentioned it. How could I? After all, I was also an alien existence—in a different sense from the terrifying being before me. That was how I’d noticed it, and that was why I couldn’t say anything. Just maybe, had I told someone about this, everything after this point would’ve gone differently.