“Ahhh, we’re back at last,” I said as I stepped into my rental home.
It had just been one thing after another that whole day, starting from the moment I stepped outside. Not only had I been brought to a place full of ravenous, man-eating dinosaurs for a hunt, I’d also been dragged to the Adventurer’s guild the second I returned to the capital. It had been absurdity after absurdity, with the centerpiece to the madness being the fact that my familiars had gone slightly more overboard than usual and hunted one species of dinosaur, the supersauruses, to literal extinction. And what could have possibly driven them to commit such an unspeakable deed?
“I hunger. Prepare our meal.”
“Well, of course—after all, we didn’t even stop for lunch during our hunt today! Small wonder we’re famished.”
《Right?! Man, I can’t wait to chow down!》
《Sui’s hungry too!》
My familiars had struck up their usual chorus about how hungry they were, and their easygoing attitude told me that they’d already forgotten a certain warning I’d given them. Well, that works, I guess.
“You’re all pretty hungry today, huh?” I asked.
“Indeed,” Fel said. “Today’s hunt made for unusually good exercise, and I have worked up an appetite.”
“It did, didn’t it? What a good hunt it was, and for the first time in so long!” Gon noted.
《Yeah, guess I worked up a bit of a sweat! Used plenty of magic too,》 Dora-chan agreed.
《Sui pew-pewed sooo many baddies! Sui’s really hungry now!》 Sui added.
“Oh? Okay, then, I’ll bring dinner out soon! You guys can just wait in the living room,” I said as I made for the kitchen.
And, once I got there...
“I told them they’d be getting punished for this one. They really should’ve listened,” I muttered as I opened up my Online Supermarket and purchased a huge quantity of a certain ingredient. I had a plan, and I was pretty sure that it would have even more of an effect than serving my familiars a purely vegetable-based meal.
I made my purchase, then opened up the cardboard box that materialized in front of me. It was jam-packed with the items I’d bought: bags of perfectly ordinary sandwich bread. They were the sort of bread bags you could find in supermarkets all over Japan, each of which contained five slices of relatively thick-cut white bread. Serving otherworldly food was always a risk, but I knew that plain sandwich bread would only provide minimal buffs that wouldn’t last long, so I figured it wouldn’t be an issue.
I opened up the bags of bread, then piled dishes for Fel, Gon, Dora-chan, and Sui high with the stuff. In mere moments, I found myself standing before four towering bread mountains.
“All right, that should do it! Oh, but wait—can’t forget my portion!”
I’d be having a slightly different meal. Instead of plain sandwich bread, I cut a few slices from a loaf of Theresa’s freshly baked sourdough, which I had been storing in my Item Box. I also pulled out a bowl of vegetable soup loaded with Alban’s extra-delicious homegrown veggies, and a side dish of simmered soybeans and tomatoes, which I’d cooked for myself in advance.
That soybean and tomato dish had been really easy to put together, by the way! The steps were to sauté some minced garlic in olive oil until it was fragrant, then toss in a few onions and cook them until they softened. Next, I added bacon and some boiled and drained soybeans, cooked it all a little longer, then threw in a can of whole tomatoes along with a few of the ultra-yummy fresh tomatoes from Alban’s garden, which I’d simply chopped up into chunks. I seasoned it with a little salt and pepper, and crushed the tomatoes as it continued to cook. Once about half of the mixture’s water content had simmered away, it was done!
Now this is a great dish! Plenty of soybeans, full of nutrients, and absolutely delicious on a slice of bread. Plus, it’s packed with veggies and is super healthy! This is the ideal food, as far as I’m concerned!
“And now that my meal’s squared away, I think it’s time to show everyone what we’ll be having for dinner!”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Hm? What’s wrong, guys? Aren’t you gonna eat?” I asked. I spooned some of the simmered soybeans and tomatoes onto a slice of Theresa’s sourdough, then took a big ol’ bite.
“You cannot be asking that in earnestness,” Fel practically growled.
“Truly, my liege?” Gon asked.
《No, seriously, what is this?》 Dora-chan added.
《Masteeer,》 Sui moaned.
The gluttonous quartet had been presented with their plates of sandwich bread. Their response: complete bewilderment.
“What do you mean? That’s your dinner,” I said.
“Wha—?!”
“Huh?!”
《Hey!》
《Nooo!》
Bewilderment veered sharply into astonishment as the four of them realized what was happening.
“Have you already forgotten what I told you back on the mountain? This is your punishment, and you’re just going to have to live with it.” No way I would ever sweep you wiping the supersauruses off the face of this planet under the rug!
“Are you truly serious?”
“Ugh! I had thought that matter had been left to the wayside.”
《He usually talks a big game about getting back at us, then feeds us the good stuff anyway.》
《Sui doesn’t like thiiis!》
Heh heh! If you think I’m totally incapable of putting my foot down from time to time, you’re dead wrong!
“You should just be grateful I’m not sending you to bed with no dinner, period,” I said. A dinner of nothing but plain bread was better than no food at all, at least. “Suit yourself if you don’t want to eat, though,” I added. None of them had so much as sampled their piles of bread so far. “I have a feeling you might change your mind when you start getting really hungry, though!”
These four stuff themselves to the point of bursting each and every meal, so skipping dinner’s probably gonna feel downright impossible for them! Especially today, seeing as they were so caught up in their hunt that they skipped lunch.
Fel, Gon, and Dora-chan started moaning and groaning, while Sui seemed to be frozen solid. If this were a comic, this would probably be the part where a dark shadow fell over the background along with some sort of doom-and-gloom sound effect. They were so depressed, I could practically hear it.
Did I feel a little sorry for them? Yes, but I steeled my nerves and resisted the urge to give in. Instead, I ignored them and sipped my vegetable soup.
“W-Wait. Can we not eat the same meal you are having?” Fel asked as he watched me slurp my soup and munch on my simmered-soybean-and-tomato-laden bread.
I bet you think you’ve found your out, don’t you? “Just so you know, this is vegetable soup and a dish of simmered beans and tomatoes. You guys never like eating your vegetables, and these dishes are both full of them. In fact, they’re pretty much entirely vegetables,” I explained.
A look of pure despondency came across Fel’s face. He was the biggest carnivore out of all of us.
“Plus, I made these for myself, so I didn’t prepare the sort of portions that you guys eat. I could serve some to you, yeah, but I only have enough for each of you to have the same serving size that I usually eat. If you’re fine with that, then sure, you can have some!” I added.
Gon, Dora-chan, and Sui weren’t nearly as opposed to veggies as Fel was. They’d looked a little hopeful at first, but when they realized how little of the dishes was available, they joined Fel in the pits of despair. A single human-sized serving could never satisfy them.
By the time I finished my meal, my familiars had finally resigned themselves to their fates and started sadly chewing their way through their piles of bread.
How do you like that? Not very tasty, I bet! It’d be one thing if you at least had some jam to put on it, but plain, unaccompanied sandwich bread is about as bland as a meal could be!
My familiars were almost completely expressionless as they ate, only speaking up to ask for drinks. Apparently, the plain bread had dried out their mouths. I agreed, and filled up their drinking bowls—with water, of course. Judging by the looks of disappointment on their faces, they’d been expecting soda, or something similarly sweet.
Sorry, but that’s not an option. This is a punishment, so there’s no way I’m giving you drinks that you’d enjoy that much!
Sui let out a sad little 《Masteeer...》 when it realized it’d be getting plain water, and I nearly caved on the spot, but I somehow managed to stay strong.
See? Even I can be harsh when the moment calls for it! Bwa ha ha ha ha... Okay, no, the laughter’s too much.