“So I asked them to drag you to the guild, and you know what they said? ‘You want guild grunts like us to deal with a fenrir and an ancient dragon? You’re out of your mind,’ that’s what! Oh, and also ‘Don’t ask the impossible!’ and ‘Are you trying to get us killed?’ They were acting like I was some sort of monster! I have had it with this!”
I wasn’t too surprised he’d gotten reactions like that. It would have been one thing if he’d been talking to adventurers from Karelina, but this was the capital, and the local adventurers wouldn’t be used to Fel and Gon’s presence. Nobody would want to approach a fenrir or an ancient dragon, even knowing they were familiars. I did sort of wonder why Willem hadn’t just gone out to fetch me himself, though. Maybe it would’ve felt like admitting defeat, so he’d gotten all stubborn about it? I wasn’t about to ask and risk pissing him off all over again, of course.
“But all of that, I can deal with. That’s nothing, really. Your gifts for the king, on the other hand? What were you thinking?!”
“I don’t know what you want from me, honestly,” I said. He’d already gotten mad about that while the gifts were being presented, so I felt like he’d kind of made his point on that end.
“How many times have we had this conversation already?!” Willem bellowed. “And you still managed to mess it up anyway! Trusting you to have common sense was a mistake, and I won’t be making it again!”
Whoa, okay! First off, mean! And second, he’s making it sound like I went ridiculously far over the line, but really...?
“I mean, personally, I didn’t think those gifts were anything that crazy,” I said. Could he really blame me for not having the exact same perspective as he did?
“Even you should’ve realized that you were giving them way too many!” Willem barked. “But expecting you to know that was a blunder. I should’ve looked over your selection from top to bottom, or just picked something out on your behalf in the first place.”
Okay, but I’m really not sure what you think you’re accomplishing by saying all this after the fact.
“And it being too many gifts was only the start! All of them were completely outlandish! A pearled tiara? A sword covered in sapphires? You could search through the king’s entire treasure trove and not find a single piece like those!”
Again, what do you want from me? How was I supposed to know that?
The conversation dragged on for a good long while past that point, and mostly consisted of Willem telling me to “learn some common sense” and “think before you act at least every once in a while.” By the time he was finally finished, I was completely drained...and judging by the massive yawn that Fel let out—followed shortly by the same from Gon and Dora-chan—my familiars had had very relaxing naps. Sui, in fact, was still fast asleep.
“You guys have some real nerve to sleep while I’m getting lectured, you know that?” I grumbled as I glared at them.
“Hmph! I fail to see how that is any of my business,” Fel said.
“Nor mine!” Gon agreed. “He wasn’t speaking with us, after all.”
《Hey, no point dwellin’ on it, right? Cheer up!》 Dora-chan added.
Grrr! For the hundredth time: You know this was your fault, right?
《But who cares about that?》 Dora-chan continued. 《If we’re done here, it’s time for something way more important!》
“Huh? What’re you talking about?” I asked.
“The leviathan, my liege! The leviathan!” Gon said.
Oooh, that. Wait, back up—I happen to care an awful lot about me getting lectured, dang it!
Before I could make my exit, however, Willem spoke up once more. “Hold up,” he said. “Pretty sure I just heard one of you say ‘leviathan,’ right? Well, think you could put that off till later? We’ve still gotta meet with Earl Langridge—and I mean today.” Considering he’d directed that toward Fel and Gon, it seemed safe to say that he wanted my familiars there too.
“What?” Fel scoffed. “A mere nobleman believes we would answer his call?”
“How very conceited of him,” Gon added. There was a dangerous glint in both of their eyes as they glared at the guildmaster. A distinct trail of sweat—actually, more like a waterfall—began to drip down Willem’s forehead.
“Okay, nope! Quit with the glaring, you two!” I said. “Earl Langridge is the lord who rules over Karelina. As in, the city where we live! It’s a nice place, and he’s done a lot to accommodate us, right?”
“And? What of it?”
“I’ll confess that I’m somewhat fond of that city, but I don’t see what that has to do with him summoning us.”
What will it take to make those two check their egos for just one, single conversation? “We can deal with the leviathan later! It’s not like it’s gonna disappear, right? And neither will the Adventurer’s guild!”
Fel and Gon both broke eye contact with a huff. Oh, you punks! You asked for it. Time to bring out my secret weapon!
“Look, it is what it is, and that’s final. And by the way, I was going to take dragon steak bowls off the menu for tonight’s dinner since you definitely didn’t keep quiet during our audience with the king, but if you come along to the earl’s place with me, I might just consider putting them back on again! Not my problem if you’d all rather eat something else, though. Works for me!”
Sui, surprisingly, was the first one to react to my threat. The slime shot awake and bounced high into the air with a cry of 《Dragon steeeak!》
Oh. Guess the words “dragon steak” woke it up, and it missed the rest of what I said. That slime’s such a dedicated foodie, it’s almost refreshing.
《Hold the hell up, you two!》 snapped Dora-chan, who’d clearly been listening a little more closely and had reacted instantly as well. 《I dunno what you’re after, but I want those dragon steak bowls! If I don’t get to have them because of you two, I’m gonna make you regret it!》 he insisted, flapping uncomfortably close to Fel and Gon.
“D-Do not be so hasty, Dora. I said nothing about us not going!” Fel said.
“Y-Yes, indeed! Nor did I!” Gon added. I wasn’t totally sure if it was Dora-chan’s threat or mine that had done the trick, but one way or another, they were suddenly feeling a lot more cooperative.
“I guess we’re all going to the earl’s house, then?” I asked.
“I-If you insist, then so be it,” Fel conceded.
“Y-Yes, why not?” Gon agreed. The two of them still looked pretty reluctant, but that was good enough for me.
《Arright!》 Dora-chan declared. 《We’re gettin’ dragon steak bowls tonight for sure!》
“I know, I know,” I said.
《Dragon steeeak!》 Sui squealed once again.
In the gluttonous quartet’s eyes, Earl Langridge was clearly an afterthought while dragon steak was a matter of the highest priority. That was one fact that I didn’t plan on ever sharing with anyone outside of our party.