I really don’t know how many times I almost gave in to temptation and turned to look behind me. I was in an audience with the literal king of the country I lived in, but I was so restless I couldn’t even pay attention to a single word he said!
As I fidgeted away, the conversation seemed to have turned to the gifts that I’d brought for the king. A slender, rather high-strung-looking man who appeared to be in his fifties or so—a chancellor or something, I assumed, considering how close he was standing to the king—spoke up, saying, “The adventurer Mukohda has offered you these gifts, Your Majesty.” The man I presumed was a chancellor clapped his hands, and the items that I’d handed over earlier were brought to the king one after another.
As my gifts were carried in, the nobles gathered up on either side of the audience chamber fell silent. The whispers that I’d been hearing since the moment I entered the room were just gone with the wind.
Oh, great. Maybe this really wasn’t enough after all? The attendant must’ve asked me if I was sure because they knew it wouldn’t go over well. Agggh, my nerves are killing me! And I’m still so curious about what the heck my familiars are doing behind me! I think I feel an ulcer coming on.
I was starting to think that agreeing to this audience had been a bad idea from the outset. Sometimes it paid to know where your lane was and to stay in it, come hell or high water. I’d strayed from my lane by coming here, and I was really beginning to regret it. Meanwhile, the items I’d offered were being explained to the king.
“First, Your Majesty, is a tiara decorated with an assortment of pearls,” an attendant said while presenting the tiara in question. The queen’s eyes glimmered with a fervent light as she stared at it, so I had a feeling that the first gift, at least, had gone over well.
“Next, a short sword studded with sapphires.”
The sword they brought out second was covered in a ridiculous number of gems. I thought it was pretty gaudy and impractical, but it was so conspicuously lavish that I had a hard time imagining it wouldn’t pass muster as well...hopefully.
Maybe I should’ve given him a magical weapon, like my vampire knife? I couldn’t actually give that one up, though. I need it to drain the blood out of the monsters I butcher. And the other magic weapons I have are all way too ominous or over the top. Like, I can’t exactly give a king something called a “poison knife,” can I? Well, no point second-guessing myself, I suppose.
The chancellor went on to explain all the other assorted items that I’d brought as well, and my anxiety only grew. As I wondered whether or not I should’ve gone a bit bigger with the gifts, I noticed that Willem’s bulky frame had started trembling conspicuously.
Huh? What’s up with him?
“How could you think that gifts like that would ‘work out fine’?” Willem asked me in a hissing whisper.
Yikes... Yeah, he’s mad, all right. Maybe it really wasn’t enough? “Sorry! I should’ve given him something nicer, right?” I whispered back.
“No! The opposite! You call that ‘a little extra’? What the hell were you thinking, giving him all that?!”
W-Wait, really?! It was too much? Actually, I didn’t even think that there was such a thing as too much in this sort of situation.
Apparently, I’d been very wrong on that front. The king’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates, and he seemed to have frozen solid. The queen’s eyes, meanwhile, were sparkling with glee as a very satisfied smile spread across her face. I glanced to the sides to take stock of the assorted nobles as well, and found that most of their jaws were dangling open in dumbstruck astonishment. I really wanted to ask someone if it was a faux pas for nobility to make a face like that in public, but I quickly thought better of it.
Okay, so lemme get this straight. Did I screw up really badly, here? O-Oh, crap, I thought, as a stream of cold sweat began to flow down my back. Wh-Wh-Wh-What now? What am I supposed to do?!
Just as I was flying into a mini-panic, a voice rang out from behind me.
“Are you not yet satisfied, king of men? I came here at my liege’s behest, but I have grown tired of these matters.”
G-G-Goooooon! I told you not to say anything rude! I had faith in you, damn iiiiiit!
“Well said. Neither he nor we have time to spare. You would do well to not waste what little we are willing to offer you.”
Not you too, Fellllll!
《Yeah, tell me about it! This place is a boring drag. Let’s get outta here and hit up the stalls!》
《Masteeer, Sui’s huuungry!》
And Dora-chan, and Sui on top of it?! Okay, so they can’t hear you two since you’re talking telepathically, but this still really isn’t a good time!
At that point, I couldn’t hold myself back anymore and spun around on the spot. “Gon, Fel, shut up!” I snapped before twirling right back around again and bowing deeply to the king. “I am so, so sorry!”
My familiars’ outburst had apparently snapped the gathered nobles out of their treasure-induced stupors. My blood ran cold as I heard them start muttering things along the lines of “Such insolence,” “How dare mere beasts speak so rudely,” and “They deserve death for besmirching His Majesty’s honor!”
Nobody would blame me for passing out at this point, right? I think that’s fair. Actually, a-am I about to get arrested? Agggh, damn it all, Fel and Gon! I told you a thousand times, and you screwed it up anyway! What now?! What noooooow?!
I was already on the brink of lapsing into blissful unconsciousness from the sheer stress of it all, and as if that weren’t enough, my familiars decided to salt the wound.
“Silence, foolish humans. Do you truly dare to compare a mighty fenrir to a mere beast?”
“And while we’re at it, I’ll have you know that I am an ancient dragon. If you think I’m anything like the petty dragons you’re used to, you’re sorely mistaken!”
“But of course, if you do wish to challenge me, I would be all too glad to accept.”
“Indeed! Razing this kingdom to the ground would be the simplest of tasks for Fel and I. Just say the word!”
Fel and Gon went into full intimidation mode, projecting such high-density bloodlust toward the nobles in the room that a few of them fainted, soiled themselves, and even curled up in a ball on the spot. Others broke down in tears of fright and simply ran away. Before I knew it, basically no one was standing and capable of speech anymore.
“Oh. Oh god. Oh god,” I muttered to myself. Y-Yup. This is definitely capital offense-tier disrespect! We’re so screwed! It’s oveeeer!
“King of men,” Fel growled, “I came here at this human’s request, but my patience has worn thin. I will leave now, and you would do well not to hinder me.”
“Yes, indeed. There’s nothing left for us to gain here but irritation,” Gon added.
The king was in an absolute panic. Sweat poured down his brow as he raised his voice in a frantic shout. “W-Wait! I offer you my deepest apologies for my subjects’ discourtesy!”
“Y-Your Majesty!” the chancellor yelped, apparently aghast at the fact that his king had just apologized to a visitor.
“Silence!” roared the king. “We are dealing with a fenrir and an ancient dragon! Are you trying to reduce my kingdom to dust?!”
“Hmph! Rest easy,” Fel said. “The human we travel with has taken a liking to your nation. We will not destroy it without good cause. I must admit that my lifestyle here has proven adequate as well.”
“And mine! But that will only remain the case so long as my liege remains unmolested. If you so much as think of doing him harm, you’ll learn very quickly how fast the situation can change.”
“Quite. That goes without saying. After all, if anything happened to him, we would be denied our one source of good food.”
“I swear to you that we haven’t the faintest intention of harming Sir Mukohda in any manner,” the king said, his expression spasming with every word.
The queen spoke up next, and unlike her husband, she did so with a smile. “Yes, of course! We’d never dream of committing such a deed, nor would we allow anyone else to do so. I promise you, good fenrir, good ancient dragon, and Sir Mukohda, that we understand your desire to not be meddled with. Please allow me to assure you that so long as you remain within our fair nation, your privacy will be safeguarded by the authority of the crown itself. Feel free to reside here for as long as you like.”
“What are—” the king began.
“Hush, you!” the queen scolded. “You must understand that the might of a fenrir and an ancient dragon far exceeds that of our army—no, of any army that any nation could muster? If so, then you’ll appreciate that offering them our warmest of welcomes and ensuring their comfort is in all of our best interests! The more they appreciate our nation, the more our own safety is guaranteed.”
“Oh?” Gon said. “I see at least one of you has some sense!”
“So it would seem. Know that if you are ever in need, you may send word to us by way of the human. I would not be unwilling to hear out a request, if only once.”
“For that, you have my thanks,” said the queen. “And Sir Mukohda? The gifts that you have brought us today were pleasing indeed. I offer you my most sincere thanks as well.”
“Hmm...? Fel, look. His eyes may still be open, but I do believe my liege has passed out,” Gon noted.
“C-Capital punishment... Dishonoring the crown...” Mukohda muttered, apparently unconsciously. That, plus a few twitches and spasms, was the closest he could offer to a response.
Fel sighed and shook his head. “Truly, his cowardice knows no bounds,” he grumbled. “We will be taking this human and going on our way now. Lift him onto my back, Gon.”
“Certainly,” Gon said, before grabbing Mukohda by his collar and plopping him onto Fel. “Come along, Dora, Sui! We’re leaving.”
《Finally! Thought we’d be stuck here forever. Time to find us some food stalls!》
《Yaaay! Sui’s super hungry! Let’s go!》
And so, Fel, Gon, Dora-chan, and Sui strode right on out of the audience chamber with Mukohda in tow. No one dared to so much as lift a finger to try and stop them.