But one of us, Selen, did not change her attitude at all. She took a run right at him.
“Ohhhhh? Showing up with threats of paperwork, Vritra? When you haven’t even educated your own daughter properly! Write paperwork for that!”
I couldn’t let that pass.
“I’m more educated than you!”
Caught between his daughter and the girl who’d owned him during his artifact years, my father got distressingly shifty.
“Er, um…education is…something I’ve endeavored to instill…”
Ignoring his feeble protests, I got right up in stalker Selen’s face.
“My father may have been devoted to his research, the epitome of an absentee parent! But as bad a father as he was, he was always thinking about me!”
“Urgh!”
The bad father phrase was like a stake to the heart, and he clutched his chest like he’d been hit by sniper fire.
Satan caught him before he fell. “I think that’s about enough,” he said meekly. “The paperwork is genuinely a chore; best we stop before it’s required. It’s so tough to come up with new ways to convincingly express contrition.”
Satan had rolled into work after an all-night bender so many times, he’d written a whole novel’s worth of these letters, and he should know.
Which reminded me, I had messages for him.
“Oh, right, Satan. Anzu says hi.”
“Mm? Oh, she did say to join her for some tea the next time I’m in the domain. And maybe help her train.”
Anzu was doing solid work trying to lure him her way. Good for her.
Everyone else was grinning. Only Satan had missed the point.
Clearly, he was as dense as any harem manga protagonist, so I figured I’d pile on.
“And I ran into Rol in Jiou, who wants to have dinner with you.”
The grins widened, but he just looked baffled.
“Dinner?” he said. “I mean, sure…but I dunno what meal would be good enough for a best-selling author.”
“……Hoo boy,” Phyllo muttered.
Then a boisterous laugh echoed over us.
“Ah-ha-ha! You see? A man who has never gotten any action will never realize his time has come!”
This came from Rinko. Next to her was the king, and behind them was Katsu Kondou from the Adventurer Guild, as well as the low-ranking Gaston.
“Ho-ho-ho, Satan— You need merely try, and you can find a love as grand as mine.”
“Uh…okay…”
The king was already bragging, and Satan clearly didn’t get it. He shoved a hand into his mop of hair and scratched his head.
The recruits were all stirring at the king’s presence, a sight Rinko clearly enjoyed.
“Mm? An enchantress can’t go anywhere without causing a scene. Right, Katchin?”
“Odds are high that is the cause.”
Katsu was very much her yes-man.
Since Rinko had rejoined the royal family, Katsu had fully taken over the guild and was running his head off trying to handle all the problems cropping up in the area.
The shield guy, Gaston…was still a mook. According to Katsu, he cleared a solid 80 percent of the quests he was given…
But the man himself just insisted he was right where his talents meant him to be, and he thoroughly enjoyed his work. Lloyd seemed to respect his gusto for the dirty jobs.
He bashed his trademark shields together, laughing.
“Rinko showers in beauty products on the daily! She sends me out shopping for more all the ti— Owww!”
Rinko’s fist had scored a clean hit on his jaw, with a loud crack. “The key to beauty is to not let the work show, Gaston.”
“Good manners means leaving these things unsaid, you fool,” Katsu spat.
This was why Gaston never got promoted.
Once the war ended, Rinko had used the anti-immortality rune on herself and was now gracefully aging.
But she soon started fussing over little wrinkles and spending lots of money on beauty products. Apparently, she frequently lamented her decision to remove the anti-aging part of immortality.
“Ho-ho-ho! You’re wonderful, no matter your age, Rinko! Let us grow old together!”
“Lou!”
But love conquers all. Isn’t that lovely? Bastards. Enjoy.
Then a rough-looking old man appeared. “Why are you flirting in public, Your Majesty?”
“Oh, Fumar.”
Fumar Ketoshifen was in charge of sea cargo ships in Azami. He’d quit the army to search for Rinko when she’d vanished, and upon her return, he’d reenlisted to help run naval security and ocean trade.
“You don’t wear your uniform, Fumar?” Merthophan asked.
Fumar made a face. That wasn’t a question a man in a loincloth should be asking.
“I spend the better part of the month at sea,” Fumar said. “Even business types dress down when they’re not in the office.”
“True! Even I don’t wear the loincloth outside of the field.”
“It’s sort of become your default look, though…?”
The king threw an arm over Fumar’s shoulder. “Ho-ho-ho! He reenlisted but is being very stubborn. Should I introduce you to someone? That might help you soften up.”
“Don’t! The sea is my one true love.”
Rinko was watching them happily.
“Nice! Old, but still friends! As pure as any teenagers.”
She turned to the cowards.
“Would-be cadets, even as you protect Azami, remember to enjoy your own lives. If the young are not happy, the country has no future.”
She was down to earth, yet she had all the majesty a queen should have. Her words hit home. She’d once run a whole research laboratory and knew how to butter people up.
“A lovely speech,” Katsu said.
“And a valuable lesson,” said Rinko. “If you become disillusioned after failing to make the most of your life, you’ll end up like her.”
“Her?”
“Yes, her… Speak of the devil.”
I followed Rinko’s gaze.
“Hahhh…hahhh…”
Lurching in like a dilapidated zombie…
“Oh, Marie.”
Yes, Maria Azami, also known as Marie. No longer in her exotic witch garb but in a proper royal-looking fancy gown. She was shuffling along as if this dress were made of iron shackles.
“She’s nigh dead.”
“I bet I know why.”
“……Same condition as my sister.”
Yes, Marie had fully resumed her duties as the Azami princess.
Lloyd was still living in her shop, but she’d moved back to the castle and was busy with her royal training… The fact that she’d been allowed to live with Lloyd this long was really quite bizarre.
Since others were still cooking and doing her laundry, it was arguably an equally pampered lifestyle, so why did she look so dead?
“Mwa-ha? Why the weary countenance?” Nexamic bluntly asked what everyone else was delicately avoiding.
Marie’s head turned with an audible creak. “Booze,” she said.
Sadly, that was enough for all of us.
It was an even dumber reason than we’d expected, but Marie was gesticulating wildly.
“I can’t just have a drink whenever I want! I’ve never suffered this much in all my life!”
That is not suffering. It is normal.
Oblivious to the winces on our faces, Marie kept griping.
“Worse, the neighbors learned I was a princess, and they’re all saying, ‘Your mama a gold digger?’ ‘Must be hard to become princess this late in life.’ Not one of them believes I was born into it!”
Her clothes might be luxurious, but inside she had the soul of a pauper.
Marie could not believe how many people refused to believe she’d always been the princess, and they insisted she must have stumbled into it ass-backward. I did not blame them.
“I knew I was good at blending in with a rough crowd, but I got too good at it! What a shock!”
This lie was clearly all that was keeping her together. A grave condition, indeed.
“……You just lack good deeds.”
“I blame the overwhelming aura of crassness.”
“Arguably she’d have been better off renouncing her claim to the throne.”
Her alleged friends were all merciless. Clearly, they were holding those two years of Lloyd cohabitation against her.
Her gripe-filled and deeply sad stand-up comedy routine seemed liable to go on awhile, and we all grew concerned that the potential cadets here would lose hope in the country’s future. But that was when the instructor/head of the royal guards, Chrome, came running over.
“Uh, Princess Maria, you’re rather loud…”
He was responsible for her education and was doing his best to pull her back to the realm of appropriate behavior.
Merthophan, who had been his colleague once, helpfully snapped his loincloth strap. “Been a while, Chrome. Your workload has earned my sympathy.”
“Has it? Then put your clothes on. This is Lloyd’s big day.”
“Mm? That’s why I’m in my dress uniform. I brought a daikon, too!”
“Are you a complete clown? What good would that do?”
Chrome was past picking words, clearly. And none of it got to Merthophan, so perhaps they were made for each other. (Snerk.)
Chrome rubbed his brow, his square frame shrinking. “Anyway, Princess Maria, don’t make this any worse. I’m busy enough as it is.”
“Ho-ho-ho! You are a dedicated worker, Chrome. Show Maria no mercy and forge her into a proper royal. She’s got too much East Side in her.”
“I feel like she had these qualities before she got there…”
Marie was born a disaster.
“That just proves she’s my daughter!” Rinko beamed.
Marie was getting pummeled from all sides, but her time living with Lloyd was a sin so great, she probably deserved it.
Fumar and Katsu were watching and laughing.
“I see we’ve got peace again, Katsu,” said Fumar.
“Yes, I never imagined this day would come, and I can’t help but rejoice.”
Chrome figured it would be hard for the applicants to do their thing with the princess sobbing nearby, so he ushered the royal family back to the VIP seats.
“We’ve got seats prepared for you. Your Majesties, please return to them. Princess Maria, stand up straight… The rest of you, stop chitchatting and get back to your patrols.”
“That’s the way it’s done, Chrome. I’m proud to be your former colleague.”
“Really? Then take your half-naked partner, and go where no one can see you.”
“Mwa-ha-ha! My fellow square-jawed compatriot, do you think my muscles can escape notice anywhere?”
“Just do your best. Also never call me that again.”