“I like this kind of work. The free life of a mercenary suits my disposition. Roughhousing suits me. I think nothing of hurting people, even killing them,” he used to repeat to himself. Over the long months and years, he kept telling himself that, until he became that kind of person, convinced that he had been that man from the beginning. However, he was not able to change his true nature entirely, and from time to time, Janne could still see a look of suffering on his face. Janne said this had been a source of pain and sorrow for him as well.
After hearing this terribly heavy and painful story, I recalled Cezar’s words from the previous day again.
“My hands are still filthy, stained with their blood. And not just my hands, my entire self. That’s why I mustn’t get too close to anything beautiful. I’ll only stain it.”
He had said this with a pained expression that made him look almost like a different person, as he stared at his own hands.
So those were the experiences that were behind his reaction.
“You see, Janne, I never imagined that he had experienced such things, and now I’m worried that I might have said something insensitive,” I confessed to Janne as I chided myself for my conduct the previous day. I was worried that I had spoken out of turn, given I still didn’t know Cezar very well; I might have made him feel even worse.
“Insensitive? What did you say?”
“Well, I said they seemed like gentle hands to me, that you and the king must feel the same way, and that you would both be very sad if you knew he thought so harshly about himself. I might have upset Prince Cezar.”
Cezar had been desperate to repress his own feelings. If I had been the protagonist, the one who was originally supposed to soothe Cezar’s heart, I might have been able to choose my words better. But I simply expressed what I believed strongly to be the case; everything I said seemed obvious to me. But I said it without knowing about the deep history behind Cezar’s suffering.
At the time, Cezar had smiled, showing no indication of being angry with me, but having just heard what Janne had to say, now I thought that he might have been humoring me. I bowed my head as I reflected internally on my error, but I noticed Janne wasn’t saying anything in response. I suddenly raised my head to see him grinning broadly.
Eh? What’s going on?
“Prince Cezar was most certainly not upset. In fact, he seemed delighted by what you said, Lady Claes.”
“Is that so...?” I responded with a blank expression, doubt still gnawing at my heart.
Janne’s expression turned serious again.
“Yes. I, Janne, who have been by Prince Cezar’s side since he was six, can say this without a doubt in my mind.”
Since he spoke with such conviction, I decided to believe him.
With that, Janne must have decided it was time we concluded our conversation.
“I beg your pardon for detaining you, just as you were about to make your way home.” Then he bowed his head.
“Ah, no, on the contrary,” I said, but Janne only bowed even more deeply.
“I hope I can entrust you with Prince Cezar’s care in the future,” he said.
“Eh? Ah, of course...”
This didn’t seem like a situation where it would be appropriate to say, “No, I’m nothing but a villainess,” “There are doom flags on the horizon, so I must refrain from getting more deeply involved,” or even “Why me?” Instead, I gave an affirmative answer.
Janne smiled, seeming satisfied, then left to join Cezar.
I felt like there were a lot of things I was going to have to think about, but also felt like there was no need to hurry. For now, I decided, I would board my carriage and sleep all the way home.
★★★★★★
After finishing my work for the day—my visit to the Magical Ministry—I, Cezar Dahl, returned to the quarters that had been assigned to me at the palace.
Janne, who had briefly left my side at the Ministry, claiming he had other business, was there waiting for me.
“Well done, Cezar,” he said, speaking plainly and even patting me on the head.
He had such a cheerful grin on his face that I couldn’t recall ever seeing him like that before. When I asked what had happened, of all things, he said that he’d just come back after talking to Katarina. He didn’t tell me what they’d spoken about in detail, but it seemed like he’d heard about some of the previous day’s events.
Janne, having noted my mood upon returning yesterday, clearly suspected that something had taken place between me and Katarina, and having heard her account, apparently thought it was something joyous.
Though it had been something joyous, just as he surmised, I didn’t see why he was so happy about it, to the point where I started to feel embarrassed. Though I couldn’t put my finger on why, I felt like making myself scarce. It was with those feelings of awkwardness in full swing that I returned to my private room.
But then a report from one of my subordinates snapped me out of that. The report related to an event that had happened some time ago: the incident where criminals attempted to sell children they’d abducted to Lousabre, via Ethenell. At first, this incident had been deemed the result of a conspiracy between some petty villains from Ethenell and some idiots from Lousabre. However, after continuing with my own independent investigation, I had started to suspect that someone from Sorcié of very high status was also involved.
Once these suspicions arose, I had made full use of the connections I had built in my days as a mercenary, and managed to gather a lot of detailed information from the underworld. In the course of doing so, I had been told that a noble from Sorcié was involved in these kidnappings.